


Name of The Game

by Wonderingweirdo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Dark Steve Rogers, Drama & Romance, F/M, Good Loki (Marvel), M/M, Oral Sex, Possessive Behavior, Science Fiction, Sex, Thriller, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:15:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 73,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25766572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonderingweirdo/pseuds/Wonderingweirdo
Summary: Steven Grant Rogers was a man out of time, his life had ended the moment he crashed the plane in the Arctic. The story of the brave and heroic Captain America was over, the savior had met his fate, unfortunately his faith had  to intervene. If he was a hero in the truest form then his life would be over so that many others could be saved but he was just another monster in the mask of a human.When Steve found himself in the future he was not going to let his past blackmail his present but when he finds the the eldest of the Stark-Strange family wearing the face of his previous wife. He is lost, confused and worst of all scared that all those sins of his past have come back haunting him. His assumptions just grow stronger when he meets Bucky, a man who had lived and died in his love, his only ally and his wife 's brother.Steven Grant Rogers was a man who had personally turned the death carriage away many time in his life while growing darker within and doing wrong to those who had nothing but love for him.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Happy Hogan/Pepper Potts, Howard Stark/Maria Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s), Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captain America wakes up in the future in 2010, he is clueless, scared but more than anything he regrets his actions in the past. He recalls his wife as he is brought from the ice and hopes to do better in the future. He is introduced to the Avenger family and decides to turn a new leaf in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic. The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA. Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 1

2010, New York

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

My eyes felt heavy, every single bone and muscle in my body contrasted every single second, my lungs felt plunged with enormous force letting the air into them, I felt myself shiver as my skin begged for some warmth. I kept drifting into a state near death and pulled back into a state of pain, I did not know where I was, whether I was alive or death but I knew that every time since my birth I fell sick had cultivated into this attack of my body. When I regained consciousness I still could not open my eyes or move any part of my body it felt something cold and heavy was all over it, I felt incredibly scared for myself as each moment I passed in that manner I felt I would not make it out alive. I have never been afraid of anything especially death but those moments laying helplessly and feeling everything crush within myself I feared for death. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel when finally I felt my lips quiver and the feeling of heaviness all over my body felt much light, I still could not move anything yet I had a strong feeling that I might survive this thing. It is extremely stressful when every time I regained my consciousness, I felt that things would change for me, my body would find its strength I would be able to lift my eyes up and see the world again. I kept screaming at my brain to give me strength I never craved to be alive more than this, I needed to see everything again even if it meant for a single second, but I was desperate for her. Every single time I forced to open my eyes just do that I could see her lovely face for the very last time. The presence of many others me gave me hope that they were helping my situation, I wanted to believe that Peggy had found me and was rescuing me as my body was under the metal debris that contained my body. I believed in her promise to find me, I wanted her to prove me right this one last time so that I could fulfill my wish to see my beautiful wife. I had left the house that ungrateful morning slamming the door on our marriage accusing her of ruining my life. I told my little doll a lot of harsher things and I behaved with her very rudely, very barbarically and in a manner no man should ever behave with their wife but I did. I was ashamed and when I thought of the aircraft crashing, I knew that I had to be in it to ensure the safety of others, to keep her safe. But, here as I spend my time feeling caged in my own body I thought of only the last time I saw her grief stricken face as her little framed collapsed against the kitchen island. I was walking down the stairs yet her howls and cry were so clear to my ears, by the time I had entered the Hydra compound I promised myself to seek forgiveness from her. Life did not give me that chance then because I choose to be the one thing, she never wanted me to be a hero. I just wanted a second chance at life for us, so that I could do right by her and be the man she fell in love with, her Stevie.

A thing about life is it never gives you what you desire and every wish of yours come with a heavy price. My desperation to live too came with a bill due in my name, I do not remember exactly for how long I felt the struggle with my own body but one morning it was all gone. The pain, the suffering and the freezing cold feeling all over my body it all vanished into thin air. I did not have to force as my eyes opened on their own, I could see everything again, at first it was just a bright shining light but slowly structure and shapes were clear. After some minutes of observing I found myself in a military hospital room but that little noise in my head screamed danger at me. I took some more time as I heard the radio over commenting on a game that I had been a witnessed too but the thing that got me on my guards was when a lady entered the room. She looked peculiar and my eyes fell on her breast for a tiny second before looking away as my mind rang through all possibilities as to its peculiar shape. I did not want to sound like a pervert so when she explained that I was in some hospital room I asked her politely the year. She looked straight into my eyes and lied, I sat up softly clutching to the end of the bed ready to flee from whatever experimental Hydra operation this was, as I firmly informed her that the announcement of the game had been witnessed by me as a person. I saw her fidgeting with her wristwatch nervously as she sweated trying to convince her lie repeatedly. All the pain that I had endured converted into anger, I felt like getting hold of her neck and smashing her fragile body on to the wall till she tells me the truth but instead I stood up and walked towards the door. I saw the urgency in her eyes as I plunged myself towards the concrete wall, my body crashed into the cement and bricks as I entered a bigger room. It was a dark room dimly lighted with people dressed from head to toe in black all heavily armed. I heard them scream at a small box, felt the tension around me build up but I was not ready to stop for them as my legs took me to the long passage, everyone around just screamed and tried to stop me none having the speed and strength to actually tackle me. I finally found myself into a larger room with glass walls and whitewashed marble floor, something about that place seemed out of time to me. There were women in paints and suits, huge black television screen hanging from the ceiling, but they were different they were in color and much flatter than I last saw them. Most of the people in this room has their eyes glued into a small rectangle box in their hand as light of that weapon reflected on their face. I was baffled as I bumped into some before understanding the exit door was glass too that miraculously opened when I was inches away from it. I heard all those people with arms behind me as I started to run again, in the pavement, I kept running only to realize that both side of the roads was covered with huge building and on the roads were motor vehicle of all shapes and size, they looked funny to me and the increased amount of motor vehicle also puzzled me. I felt myself trapped inside Stark Expo where everything looked very technical and modern, I ran until I found myself at the end of the road and saw many passersby walking to the other side. I did the same when I saw a black huge vehicle stop right by me and before I could plan my escape such three vehicles blocked my moment completely. It was at that time when I heard honking of the cars tearing through the air as some of the voices of people used very colorful and unacceptable words at me. I wanted to apologize for causing the chaos, but I was trapped by this seemingly vehicle. I saw a man finally step out, he too was covered from head to toe in black with a black trench leather coat and an eye patch on one of his eyes. He walked towards me and in a calm voice informed me,

“Captain you are in the future. This is the year 2010, you have been asleep for the past 70 years.”

I had so many questions and so many clarifications, my head could not wrap around the new information as he repeatedly questioned me if I was feeling alright. It was his concern over the safety of other that made him question as he feared if I went rogue and caused more chaos after this new information, but I did not because there was only one thing in my mind at that time. I looked at him dryly as I stated to him my reason for concern,

“I had a wife, Jocelyn Barnes Rogers"

After three weeks

The mystery to that lady’s breast was solved after some research, it was a bra invented in the 1960s a decade after my aircraft had crashed and I had been buried with it under the ice. The eye patch man helped with processing with the future, his name is Nicholas, but he prefers to be known by his last name Fury. His bad eye had been caused by a friend whom he trusted, that is all the information he shared with me regarding his personal life, professionally he was more liberal when that day he briefed me about Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division an organization formed by Peggy. The aim of it was to secretly work and facilitate the people with power that make them stand away from the ordinary, they are like a haven for them. They give training to the new members while a concrete group known as the Avengers are responsible for maintaining peace in time of war against outer space or supernatural being as themselves. It was honestly a lot to digest and understand, the brief was not enough so Nicholas arranged for me to have a two-week orientation program conducted by agent Coulson. He was a man in his early forties with the excitement level of a toddler, I could see him brimming when he was formally introduced to me and every time after he kept fumbling expressing his admiration for me. I honestly felt embarrassed as after that confrontation in middle of the road I felt everything new, alienated in my own city and now I no longer knew my purpose of life. The very first night I had files send to me regarding all those I left behind in the 1950s, my heart scattered into a million pieces when I read of Jocelyn, my dear beautiful wife. She grieved over my death for the next five years with every new article claiming that she had secluded herself from the society and almost never seen out of our Brooklynn apartment. After five years she finally did as she sold everything that we had and donated the money towards the treatment of the needy children and then shifted to Italy going completely off the record. An obligatory in the year 1986 for her was printed, she dies in her sleep peacefully at the age of fifty-nine, my wife was dead for years now and I after a long time felt clueless in this new world. I remember crying the entire night after reading of her death, the only reason for me to be alive was so that I could be together with her and ask forgiveness from her, but she left me. She did exactly what she had told me she would when we had our ugly fights that she would leave everything and everyone, going so far away from me that I could never find her ever again. I was not a fool, I knew the chances of her surviving was not likely yet I would be content to spend the remaining days of her life with her to see her grow old and to make amends, I thought I had some few years with her when I woke up in 2010 but this second chance was a curse.

Everyone I knew in the olden days were either death or on their way to death, the only person important in my life alive was Peggy but she too was admitted in hospital living her last days. I was happy to know that she had married and was mother to three beautiful children all of whom had branched out in different countries and field after her husband’s death. They were good children always being by her side when she needed them, but they did not choose her path, her niece Sharon did follow her legacy and is one of the most valuable agents. I was also content to know of Howard’s progress; his company finally took off and he became one of the richest man on earth having Maria by his side throughout his life till the unfaithful day of December 16th 1991 when they died from a car crash. They left behind their son Anthony Edward Stark who was a child prodigy himself but more of him a bit later. As for my in-laws they passed away in the 1970s from flu, the shoe factory that my father in law valued so much was auctioned over the money of which was gone to charity. Jocelyn did not keep anything from her life our past with herself everything she got rid of like some infected disease. All the information of my fellow companions were heart shattering and I was overwhelmed, I had to start my life from a starch and this time I was all alone in a new world completely. I no longer understood the rules, and everything had changed drastically, the whole two weeks was just encumbered with video footage on something called YouTube where I was informed I could find video of anything and everything. I did not understand how but Coulson was true, all the advancement in technology was mind blowing and every time I saw something that amazed me my mind went to my dearest Jocelyn who would have loved an era like this one. She was way beyond our time and she always dreamt of the life I was living, of having to communicate with each other via telephone that could fit into one’s pocket. The cars of such different color and shapes with so many new additions, the television and computer becoming a necessity in everyone’s life. Coulson created my email id and he encouraged me to send him mail which was not very different from sending letter, just this was instant mode. There were also many new forms of transport like underground train which I had decided to put on my list to ride the day I would travel outside the safe house. Coulson informed me that after my orientation I would be presented for a press conference to be introduced to the world after which I would acquire some money from people who used my story for their movie, song, comic or anything at all. I felt it was rude, but Coulson assured me that I was the true owner of the payment due to something called royalty the concept of which was as complex as the hydra weapon. There was some great news like hydra completed destroyed after the end of war along with the last Nazi on trial, having every museum in the country a corner for me and Bucky, the history of the hero of America and his best friend who stood by him. The best friend who loved me from the day he had his senses, Bucky was three years younger to me, but he was always more mature and selfless. He always took care of me, protected me and made me feel the best version of myself. I was so consumed with everything that I never even considered his feelings. Jocelyn knew, she understood when her be other was in pain it tortured her to be the cause of his pain and every single time she choose to share the burden I pushed her away. I could have done a lot of things differently but everyone I wanted to do right was already death giving me with enormous regret.

I had friends and family, now I have nothing at all, but Coulson always spoke to me positively as he assured Avenger was going to be my new family. If we dated back then the very first Avenger was me, after that came ironman, Anthony or known as Tony, he build his first motherboard at the age of four, graduating high school by the age of thirteen and joining Massachusetts Institute of Technology, getting his seventh PhD by the age of sixteen. He had his first daughter at the age of eighteen from an unknown mother, he named her Anastasia there was absolutely nothing about her anywhere because Tony was a protective father keeping his children away from the chaos of the world. At the age of 21 he took over Stark industries after Howard ‘s death, just six years later he was kidnapped by the ring a terrorist organization in Afghanistan when he had gone there to display some new weapon to the American army. He came out of the cave with the first Ironman suit which was powered by arc reactor, he had been modified the suit several times now making one for his best friend colonel James Rhodes. The attack in Afghanistan left sharpie in his heart which the arc reactor keeps away and he was treated by Doctor Stephen Strange, they moved in together after two years and adopted another three-year-old boy named Harley whose family had perished by a bomb blast by Aldrich Kilian. He was mad man chasing the idea of perfecting human body building them into human bomb and selling the blast by the name of a terrorist named mandarin. Tony was the one along with other Avenger to unravel this mystery brining this man into justice and saving many from further threats. The last of the Stark Strange kin is a nine-year-old boy from queens named Peter who was bite by a radioactive spider, he went by the name of Spiderman as shield thought it was best for his safety. In the year 2005 he joined this organization under Tony as his trainee, in the same year he lost his aunt and only living relative to a robbery incident, he was adopted by Tony and Stephan after that and is the youngest of the three siblings. He is not an Avenger and honestly, I would be shocked if anyone allowed this kid of fifteen years to take up dangerous mission, but he has two super protective father by his side. The entire family except for Tony is never to be seen by anyone outside the shield circle, it is rumored that Tony likes to keep his family at the minimum interaction after the whole Afghanistan incident. I wish I had been there for Tony, maybe I could have encouraged him, saved him from the trauma and protected him the way his father did to me when I joined the camp. I always felt that maybe that would be my way to apologies to Howard, but I am proud that his son grew up to be a man of honor. The other Avenger is Natasha Romanoff, a Russian spy who shifted to the cause of shield because her the one send to capture her an archer and a spy, Clint Barton fell in love with her bringing her to the right side of the fight. They have been married for over five years and are the most capable and valuable spies of the organization, they know everything and anything. The third and last pair are two brothers, two extraordinary Norse god brother, they are from a magical planet of Asgard, their eldest sister Hela rules over the kingdom with their father, the second child, Thor stays in earth protecting our planet and the last of the sibling Loki rules another place called Joumtunheimr. Loki was originally from Jötunheimr but adopted by Odin when he was a newborn, to protect him from his own uncle who wanted the fatherless child death so that the entire kingdom could be his to rule. Loki found the information unfortunately and disappeared into earth where Thor was sent to protect his brother. While his time in earth Thor fell in love with jane foster an astrophysics and Loki after confronting his uncle decided to take over his birthright as a ruler putting an end to the feud between people of Jötunheimr and Asgard giving his people what they always wanted peace. So Tony, Stephan, Harley, peter, Natasha, Clint and Thor all live in the Avenger tower in Malibu, along with sam Wilson as a new trainee. Tony’s daughter come there to visit them often balancing between her college and her internship at her father’s company, so this was supposed to be my new family the Avengers. The two week passed by and tomorrow I am supposed to sit for my press conference giving my decision to Nicholas whether I want to join the Avenger in Malibu or calculate my new acquired wealth deciding on my life from there with a promise to always serve when they needed a hero. The choice I would make the next day did not hold any relevancy to me because I knew no matter where I went or what I did my past would haunt me forever.

The mistakes I committed are engraved in my faith, though we want to believe that life will be generous enough to make amends but, you will just suffer if you wait long enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Two: Steve meets Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill and Alexander Pierce.  
> Steve drifts in the past narrating the events of his childhood suffering illness, being bullied, making friends with Bucky and being adored by a three year old Jocelyn.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve reveals his future plan to join the Avenger, he throws a shade in his mind about a female journalist. He recalls his first from his birth till his initial years of sickness, the poverty driven society which was caused by the aftermath of the World War I. His first day in school and his encounter with Bucky, their friendship and then being introduced to Jocelyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 2

2010, New York

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

I am seated in middle of someone named Alexander Pierce, the head of World Security Council and a former leader within S.H.I.E.L.D. and Barack Obama the president of the country, Nicholas is standing at the far end of the room with Coulson by his side. The mics are placed as before the reporters enter the room; both the gentleman greet me formally conveying their admiration for me as they grew up listening to stories of my heroism. I honestly felt very out of place as I was much younger looking then them at age, I still looked at my early thirties while they looked senior to me and yet was showering me with compliment. For a man who was asleep for 70 years it did feel awkward that the reaction of every person towards him remained the same except for Nicholas who always spoke limited words. I did not want to reflect my past self because after losing Jocelyn forever now I decided to live my life in the way of the man who made her fall in love. I did not want to be crowned as a war hero I just wanted to be the Brooklyn unweigh and weak little framed boy who stood up against bullies throughout his life. I took their compliment humbly as the reporters crowded the room, I could not place a name to any of the faces despite being briefed about them the previous night. The questions started and they were basic all pertaining to my aircraft crash and my life as a Captain, nothing regarding my personal life which I respected and later understood it to be the curtesy of Nicholas. They kept pestering me about my manner of processing this new digital era and my views on the Avengers, as I answered politely that their contribution to keep the world safe is appreciated and applauded. A loud mouthed female journalist did muster up the courage and questioned me if I would be visiting Peggy, which though seemed innocent under ordinary circumstances was not because she asked in the context of the past that we did have, I wanted to strangulate all the air out of her body but instead I smiled. I told her I would be trying to reconnect with all my friends and paying a visit to the grave of my late wife in Italy this summer. She did not seem satisfy but rather perplexed as she opened her mouth to ask another question but was cut short by someone who had the last question to be asked,

“What are your plans for the future Captain America?”

I had thought of the answer to this question for a long period without any definite answer but at that very moment something clicked in me as I told him firmly,

“I will be joining my new family the Avengers”

The conference ended but each face had a million more questions to be asked, I along with the dignitaries excused ourselves from the room, the president unfortunately could not join us for the lunch. I had my lunch with Pierce, Nicholas and Maria Hill the legal head of S.H.I.E.L.D. and an agent. She informed me that my royalty payment each year would amount to $ 50 billion, I literally could not believe her and wanted to check the numbers for myself which I eventually did to understand that all the movies and comic that used me as their character, clothing merchandise, toy manufacturer legally owed me a rational amount of payment for their sale. She understood my confusion and allowed me to give her power to adjust the wealth by making purchase of property and bonds, by the time lunch was over I advised her to keep just the ten percent each year and donate the other amount to charities in need of that money. Maria and Nicholas did not say anything but nodded quietly as Coulson informed me that he would get everything for my Malibu travel. I informed him that I would travel the very next day as that evening I sat down in the room in safe house that was my home was the three weeks. Coulson was a man of many talent and he had the entire wardrobe arranged for me mostly with vintage army clothing and I appreciated it because it made me feel a little closer to the man I was before I went under ice.

I stared at those walls with my hands over my head, Nicholas had informed me that everything I had, my entire file was burned into ashes in an unfortunate fire in the year 1986 so I was left completely without a single memory. I did have it on my list to track down all the items Jocelyn sold off from our old house so that I could have some piece of the past but that was an impossible task, I did not even have a single picture from the past except the picture of Jocelyn I had on my compass for safe keeping. She was my lucky charm and not a day went after we were together that the picture left my sight. I consider myself extremely lucky to have the love of Jocelyn and the friendship of Bucky, both suffered for me.

I am alone and that is exactly how my life had started, my father Joseph Rogers, was a soldier in the 107th Infantry Regiment, was killed on the World War I battlefront two months prior to his birth. My mother was all I ever had; all my parents relative was left behind in Ireland when they migrated to America with my grandparents during their childhood. My mother was all I ever knew for the first few years of my life, my sweet innocent mother, Sarah Rogers, she was a nurse and all my great qualities came from her. I was born on July 1918, but I did not leave the hospital completely till the 1926 I was a regular guest in the wards because I suffered from all kind of diseases. I had asthma, weak heart, fragile bone and tiny structure, the bills were huge and my mother had to sell off every last thing to treat me. At the age of eight I was finally cleared by my doctor to start my school but with great precaution only, my mother had kissed me on my cheek that morning apologizing to me for sending me away from her. I put a brave face and promised to be happy, I initially thought it would be easy considering I would have children who were three to four years younger to me starting nursery with me. It did not happen so, no sooner did I enter my teacher announced to every one of my ill health requesting the other children to be merciful to me, at that very moment I knew that I became a target and decided to keep myself away from trouble. I went to my designated seat given by my teacher as I sat down feeling all the gazes on me, I sure was of eight-year-old at that time but looked like a five year old due to my body frame. I knew that everyone would ridicule and me push me away at that moment I knew I was destined to be lonely forever, prior to this my only conversation had been with my mother, doctor and nurses who treated me with love and kindness because I was a child but I realized here the same mercy could not be accepted from anyone. My mother had told me to stand up for myself if someone pushed me around and I promised her I would but I also under the subtext hide the factor that I would stay away from trouble altogether.

The most dreadful time of the day arrived, it was lunch time and I clutched to my school bag as I saw all the children exiting from the door probably letting themselves out in the garden which was covered with more gravel then flowers and some of them like me was supposed to go to the mess and eat my lunch their which was sponsored by the school for the underprivileged children as me. I had repeated the entire process of walking down to the mess over a million time in my head yet somewhere I could not stand up and go, I felt terribly ashamed of my poverty. I was the only child in class with my hand me down shirt and short, my shoes were a donation made to my mother by some doctor and he was generous enough to do so but the hole in my shoes made me want to curl my feet till no one could see them at all. My mother was very hardworking she always worked so that she could feed me and take care of my medication, but the times were not good, the entire economy was collapsing so I never minded my hand me downs until the very first day of school. I clenched to my growling stomach begging it to contain itself with water when the door to the class flung open and probably third graders entered the room and walked straight to me. A boy taller and well build then the others folded his hands over his chest and demanded me to hand him over my money. I told him weakly that I had no money, but he accused me that if I did not have a home packed lunch I must have had some money to buy food. I looked down at my feet hoping to die at that moment as hot tears brimmed out of my eyes and I repeated that I had no money, they kept hassling me until a voice boomed from the other end of the classroom to stop bothering me. A boy from the group gave me a light push threatening they would come for me later as they all walked away, I turned my attention to the voice and saw a boy almost of my age sitting at the last desk. He was tall and was round with brown short hair, dressed in fresh clothes and polished shoes, his cheeks were red as I smiled weakly towards him thanking him. He instantly walked up to me and extended his hands as he introduced himself,

“I am James Buchanan Barnes, but you can call me Bucky”

There was something about him that made me feel warm about myself, I instantly felt better about myself as I introduced myself to him. I told him my little life in hospital while he listened to me everything that I had to say with great detail, he seemed to be interested in everything that I had to say about myself. He laughed at my lamest joke whole heartedly which made even me laugh, he told me that he was just three years younger than me but had joined nursery this year because after the age of three he was rejected the entire two years from all good schools of Brooklynn because he was not very sharp and that is why he joined in here a little late. He told me that no one was his friends because he was dull in studies and always failed in almost all subject, his parents though was never bothered by it as they always assured him that he was meant for great things. We bonded quickly as he told me that even his father was in the First World War and after serving in the army his father had opened a shoe company from the money his father acquired after his grandfather’s death. Bucky told me that he would not appreciate it if from the next day I would let myself be bullied again, he told me that I needed to stand up for myself. That is when I finally burst into tears and confided my fears into him, I told him that I did not have any money also that I was supposedly to have lunch provided by school. I told him I was ashamed, and I did not want them to make fun of me because my illness gave them enough reasons already, Bucky consoled me saying that from the next day he would always share his lunch with me for eternity. He assured me that he would also get a spare shoe from his father’s factory though I protested to both of the offer but all my words fell short in his ears he told me that he was a friend and he would do everything for me. I did not however feel ashamed instead somewhere I felt like I had found a brother in him as I hugged him and thanked him, he scrambled my hair and told me that I could always count on him. By the time school got over I dropped him off at his car, though he offered to drop me but I assured him that I would be safe walking a few blocks home. He requested me to come over his house the coming weekend to play as he would have his mother talk to mine the next day, he excitedly mentioned that he had a three-month baby sister in his house and I must visit them. I smiled as I promised that I would talk to my mother regarding this. We parted our ways as my heart felt heavy again and the entire way home I repeatedly prayed for him to remain my friend forever and I told everything about him to my mother whose weary face finally had a smile knowing that I was happy and found myself a friend. I did visit his house on that weekend, his chauffer had me picked as well as dropped, his parents were extremely warm to me and treated me maturely. His mother was impressed by my manners as she complained of her son’s unruly behavior in a mocking tone while his father sat us down narrating tales from the war. I had never met my father but listening to his father made me feel closer to mine, the most surprising warmth came from the youngest, Jocelyn. If someone had told me that the little three month old baby wrapped in layers of pink would be my wife I would laugh it off and even for some more years to come because that day for me she was like a little sister of mine, who was calm only when placed in my lap. The war in the household had already started between the siblings because as I sat with her on my lap watching her sleep Bucky danced around the room showing me everything that would make me drop her off and play with him. It was an elder child complex at that time he already had to share his parents he did not want to share his only friend to me so from the next outing onwards he spends his time in my house. We became the best of friends never separated from each other and on those days that he missed school I became a target for the bullies from the third grade, there famous prank was locking me into the janitor closet making me miss my classes. I went true to my words fighting them as much as I could, but they were stronger and with all my strength I ended in the closet with wounds on my face. I always hide such incidents from my mother and Bucky but somewhere down the road he found the truth and simply tried to never miss school, we walked down to my house after school every day and we played till it was evening. I did not have many toys so we just role played as soldiers and sometime his chauffer joining us, those were the simple days, we celebrated all the festivals together sometimes at his house and sometimes at mine. As Jocelyn grew a little more independent, he realized that had no need to feel jealous but be protective of his little sister, though he was still not very much of the idea of sharing me with her. So, on some unfortunate days when she got me faster than him on my visitation to his house, she would drag me into some tea party she would be having while he grumbled and played along with us.

After three years she joined our school because she wanted to stay closer to her brother because she still confided every fear into him and so on stormy nights her brother would crawl into her bed sleeping with her. Bucky had also grew up and became a better mature little boy, we were in first grade and she was in nursery, we both gave her instructions on the first day of school as that tiny little chubby human with red ribbons tied in her brown hair and playing with the hem of her tunic listened to us very carefully. I still remember we had not even made it to the first period when Bucky and I was called out of our classes to the principal’s office, we were completely clueless but our answer sat on one of the benches with her legs trying to reach for the ground. Jocelyn had her hair undone with dust all over her dress and her cheek painted with red fingernail mark, I instantly walked up to her as she saw me and wrapped her tiny hands around my waist sobbing inconsolably. She repeated that she had done nothing wrong, but Bucky looked at her and demanded answer in his elder brother voice that he would use in the future, she peaked at him as she hide behind me and still peaking from behind me mumbled her words. He demanded her to answer clearly as I scolded him for being so harsh to that small little girl and he smiled at me saying she was the devil incarnation with nothing in her innocent. I heard her escape a sob as Bucky crossed his hands around his chest tapping his feet as she finally still behind me cleared her voice and confessed,

“I was minding my own business”

“Liar”

Bucky accused her as she hides further behind me clutching to my shirt and started to cry again. I asked Bucky to step away and turned towards her, I wiped her tears as whispered that nothing would happen to her if she confessed the incident to me. She understood me and her sobs stopped as she took my hand and guided it to her hair, I knew this was her signal whenever she felt bad she wanted someone to do her hair neatly as she would talk about her feelings, this was a little doze of sympathy that she craved for everyone. I combed her hair through my fingers as I tried tying the ribbon neatly and she confessed,

“I was paying attention to our teacher, when a boy who sat behind me kept teasing me that I had soiled my pants. I kept telling him that I did not and by the end of the class he told me that I should lift my tunic to prove that I did not. He walked towards me and I kept screaming that I did not, the teacher was out of the class and all the other children cheered for him. He touched the tunic and I just pushed him down on the ground, I sat on his chest punching him repeatedly. I could not punch him for long the teacher separated us and she kept screaming at me, but I told her Stevie that you and Bucky told me to do so”

I knew that any moment Bucky would scold her again so before giving him a chance I looked at her and smiled saying,

“I am proud of you Jocelyn, we did tell you to stand up to your bullies and you did, do not worry we will take care of everything else but whatever happen remember you did nothing wrong”

I turned back as she held on to my hands and I could see Bucky giving me a stink eye which I ignored because I was actually very proud of Jocelyn. Her little action did serve me and Bucky with an hour lecture while she was let with a warning and by lunch she danced around with her group of followers like the queen of the world. We both felt proud of her though Bucky would never say so, they had a weird wired relationship always at each other throat most of the time for my attention. I had seen Jocelyn fight for me her entire life yet when it actually melted down to he brother or me she choose her brother over me again and again. I did not blame her I was angry at her but I did not blame her, I understand now that it was my mistake only had she been here for me to tell her that she means the world to me and I do not blame her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Three: Steve relives the trauma of the Heli carrier crash as he takes a private flight to Malibu.  
> Steve remembers the time he went to Clooney Island with Bucky and Joselyn.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve leaves for Malibu and on his way he recalls the days of the past. Jocelyn is discovered to be a child prodigy and Bucky is teased by the teachers for the same. The siblings are constantly at each other throat's for Steve. In the present Steve meets Pepper and Happy while they brief on the personal life of the Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 3

2010, New York

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

The next day I had lunch with Coulson and then we shook hands as we bide each other goodbye, I assured him that he could approach me anytime via email. He shyly shook his head in a yes, I feel that him giving his minted Captain America special edition cards for signing made him feel conscious but even before boarding the private jet I patted him on his back saying that I did not mind it rather was thankful for his guidance all this time. He smiled back at me as my I was seated and the pilot came personally with the staff to give me a proper welcome, I smiled back at them hiding the fear I have been trying to mask so elegantly since the time Coulson made arrangement of my travel by air. I would happily drive than to actually ride an aircraft again, my very last experience still made me wake with nightmare, you know like in dream when you feel you are falling from great height, I felt the Same though the level of pain in my head during such nightmare were more severe as the fall was so accurate. It had to be after all that incident though may be decades old for everyone but for me was still very fresh, I had done my research on the YouTube thing but still the more I saw the more terrified I found myself. The one solution used by most people frightened of flying was being intoxicated for that particular time and it was an absolute impossible in my case because no amount of alcohol could get my body intoxicated and so I had to bear with the fright all on my own. As the flight started to take off, I felt terrible and nausea, I felt that breathe became limited as I felt myself shake with fear, higher the altitude my temptation to scream at the pilot to let me down grew. I mumbled to myself to calm down and looked at everything with my eyes wide unable to even blink, I did not care if my crumbling condition was transparent to the crew, I just wanted this ride of six hour to be over in six seconds. The flight stabilized itself in between clouds as I shifted in my seat without unbuckling my seat belt and pulled out the small diary of list I had made and asked one of the blushing air hostesses for a pencil. I could see her speed to facilitate me and once she had handed me my pencil, she asked me for drinks which I politely denied, the feeling of nausea made me skeptical to drink or eat anything at all. I wanted to be on my guards and wanted to remain alert in case I don’t know; in case this flight crashed too.

I concentrated on the blank new page of the diary for a long time before I let my pencil work on it, I guess after a long time I was sketching again and I do not mean the real time gap I mean by the fact that the last time I was sketching I still was a flying monkey for the army. I started with something familiar with the sketch of Model Tim, the first car owned by Bucky, we had some great time driving to his house after school in that car. After Jocelyn joining our school we started to spend our time in Bucky ‘s house, as his chauffer dropped me every day at my home while picking his father from the factory. His father had the factory by our school and so the five minutes spend in our ride where he would drop me to my house was spend in a way it would be between a father and son. He would always ask of my day and advise me whenever he felt I was struck in life with any dilemma and sometimes even going for ice cream with me, though those days were rare because ice cream gave me a very bad cold. I had never seen my father, but I always felt that if I had then it would be like Bucky’s father, that is the reason that from a young age I considered him as my father figure. He would always tell me that family is the most important thing that matters, I always wanted to grow up like him, to be loved and respected, he worked so hard for his factory, yet he never missed any event in his children’s life. Anything at all and he was always there cheering for his children and even me, I never saw him, or his wife differentiate between me and their own children. The car also made me feel very invincible because they were the only children in the entire neighborhood of the school to own a car but this feeling never intervened with the absolute joy that I felt while riding the bus to the church every Sunday with my mother. The car was a lot of thing to me, it had a piece of my most innocent days and it was also the first place where I and Jocelyn had our first kiss, basically like a human it had seen me grow from a boy to a man. I gave a last shade to the tire and wondered that did anyone even drive a beauty as such anymore because the ridiculous shape of the vehicles made it look like giant boxes while this was so classy and edgy. I signed once I had finished it, I looked at my clock to see two whole hour was consumed but I still had a long journey ahead but that little recess got my attention to the air hostesses who seemed like they wanted to approach me for a long time and was just waiting for my attention to fall upon them. They did not let their chance go by as they immediately walked up to me asking me for lunch but I politely denied them saying that I was not hungry, not a complete lie because even if I was hungry I was consumed by my fear so much that my brain would have paused on the factor of no food. I turned the page again to a new one wondering about my new muse, though honestly only the image of Jocelyn played in my mind like a loop when I held the pencil in my hands for the first time but honestly I did not want to sketch her. If I sketched then all her memories would come flooding to me not the beautiful smile that played on her face as she turned her head over her shoulder to look at me, the fights and accusations would follow along with the beautiful face that I has stroke with my hand harshly innumerous of time. I was ashamed and guilty; I would not want them all to rush back at once I preferred the small dozes every now and then. So instead I thought of the next beautiful thing that had our beautiful memories stored a day that was one of my best in my childhood. I, Jocelyn and Bucky were all in third grade, I was thirteen, Jocelyn was six and Bucky was eleven at that time. Jocelyn was a bright mind so the school advised her parents to let her skip classes and so she did, all of a sudden, the entire school knew her as a child prodigy and not the kid who picked a fight on her very first day of school. Her speech development had started at an early stage and while children of her page struggled with words she used proper grammar in her, the teachers would not have been pushing any other female prodigy child to such extend but because of the resources her father had they felt it would be the right thing. Her father never for once wanted her to be married off with kids like most of the girls during that time, he wanted her to make something of herself and to be independent. Her father always reminded us that though we were the elder most student in our class (making us a joke between teachers and students) that the friendship we had would build a great future for ourselves. The teachers were not that understanding and always compared him with Jocelyn, that tormented him but never for once he was jealous, he just wished to be able to answer back those teachers but he was just a little kid. It was during that time when I found myself more drawn towards arts but unluckily Bucky did not have any such distraction and so his frustration vented out in anger, he was always the one to pick fights against bullies but in places where he could resolve it by negotiating or ignoring. He had made a reputation of himself that our senior girls found very appealing but for Bucky only I mattered, he never paid attention to anyone because everyone who craved his attention ignored me completely which did not go well with him. Jocelyn was an exception she saw me when I was invisible and fought tooth and nail with her brother for me, most of their fights started with Jocelyn begging Bucky to play with us or go out with us but Bucky almost all the time did not allow her. The memory to our best day started in a similar fashion, the very last evening Jocelyn and Bucky had a massive fight in school over Jocelyn signing her name as Mrs. Rogers which I found hilarious, but Bucky was very offended. He had accused her of being an over smart and never finding herself a husband while she walked to me, took my hands lifted it up in the air claiming that I would marry her. Then I do not remember exactly how but the very next moment they were at each other’s throat just the way most of their fights ended, I tried to separate them and soon my asthma kicked in because I was genuinely scared of them fighting. They immediately stopped and pacified it, they even made peace by shaking their hands on it promising to make it up for the ugly fight so the next day after permission from our guardian we drove to Luna Park in Coney Island. We had skipped school and their chauffer was send with us as our guardian and but he was easily distracted so most of times we sneaked into the crowds because I and Bucky had our eyes on the most darkest ride of the amusement park, the roller coaster. I was less interested but when Bucky informed about it for the first time with his eyes filled with tears of excitement and smile spread across his face, I could not break his heart and agreed to it. We had this pact to ride it whenever we would visit the park, but I thought that would not come until my early twenties and I was relived but there I was standing with Bucky and Jocelyn, completely losing the chauffer my only savior. Bucky started to pick the littered newspaper around and handed to me telling me to place it in my shoes to give me the height of the teenager, it was funny but though I was the elder one I always looked younger than Bucky, in complete honesty I for most of my life had been only an inch taller than Jocelyn. She never really got completely adjusted to my sudden growth spurt after my procedure and always clumsier her way around me accusing me of towering her. That day though I still looked like a eight year old frail boy whose skin was lighter than paper and maybe his weight too, I pushed those paper under my feet in my shoes instantly making me feel a little taller. We walked to the counter paid for our ride while we specifically gave interaction to Jocelyn to stand by their till we would come and collect her, at that moment she had the most cutest pout as we walked into the line hearing to her tiny voice screaming at Bucky for doing this act as a revenge for the previous day. Bucky did not look back at his sister while I turned nervously the whole time convincing we would be back in a minute but was meet by her silent treatment and her adorable pout, I felt my heart sink when we were trapped into the seats for two reason because I had seen the little girl who was like a sister to me sad and also I felt like I would die in that ride. The ride was for a minute, but I swear my heart skipped beats as I felt my body being pulled into the air high and dropped down immediately, I was terrified as Bucky before the second loop held my hand and looking at me told,

“I am with you till the end of the line buddy”

I wanted to reply but suddenly I felt everything from my stomach topple up to my throat and I had to keep my lips completely shut fearing I would throw up. As soon as the ride ended and we got down I took a corner emptying my stomach while he laughed and moved his hands around my back pacifying me, as I finished unloading myself and looked at the gruesome mess I created I puck some more before coughing out till my face got read and my eyes watery. He laughed at the scene as he took my hand and we moved to the entrance where an irritated Jocelyn waited by taping her shoes on the ground, she wanted to scream at us for leaving her behind but looked at me and kept quiet. We joined the chauffer and as he opened his mouth to scream Jocelyn told him in a firm voice that she had gone to find the toilet and we had accompanied her, he could not say anything to her, no one could say anything to her. She was the most adorable little thing in the whole wide world, she had her brown hair in curls till her shoulder and that day she was wearing a pink frock with a lace belt on the waist and a white woolen bonnet my mother had knitted for her last winter. She had every one of us wrapped around her in her little fingers, we all always felt powerless in her presence, we went to the beach after that and as we eat our packed lunch I felt much better about my health. On our way back Jocelyn had been exhausted and rested her head on her brother’s shoulder sleeping away soundly while Bucky had his head against the seat with his eyes closed. I was awake the whole way back home as I studied the skyline of the city thinking about the day I had, it was the most fun I ever had in a long time and that thing Bucky told me in the ride made me repeat it to myself on loop. I was dropped off at my door while they both were still sibling and so I thanked their chauffer as I saw the car drive away, I went up to my apartment as my mother greeted me while I told her of everything. She smiled caressed my face listening to everything with detail while her eyes grew tired and weary, she was my super being because even in her worst days she would never forget to love me. I had so many people to care and love me for the person I was and yet when time came I turned my back on every one of them, had if been in the past I am sure Jocelyn would have held my hands and helped me confronting my fears while Bucky would say anything to get my mind off but they were not there.

I found myself in the aircraft completely petrified and while I had so many people who worshipped me I did not have a single one who saw me vulnerable, whom I could confide my fear into, as I had finished the sketching of the roller coaster I looked at it realizing this is what my life had become and I would have to be alone forever. It was a thought that had been eating me for a long time but to be able to confront it was terrifying and it so happened when my private jet was arriving, I had dug my fingers into the arm rest as I felt my heart in my mouth. I shook from within because if take off was scary that this was exactly the feeling I had before the crash, I shut my eyes trying to avoid everything and distract myself it did help as I was pulled back into the ride where Bucky told me that he would be there with me till the end of the line. I felt the wheels touch the ground as I opened my eyes to finally see the flight had landed and I signed in relief, I could not wait to let myself out of this monstrosity, I had always jumped out of helicopters but I had never been so afraid. The apprehension of fear was less scary than the actual time when I crashed, I almost ran out as it was announced that we had landed safely, I walked out to find quickly saw two figure, of Happy Hogan and Virginia "Pepper" Potts, the former being Tony’s driver and the later his assistant also two of his most valuable friends. I was greeted politely and asked about my flight which obviously I lied again as we were seated in the car, Virginia sat beside me while Happy started the car. As Virginia spoke my eyes unconsciously fell on the ring that adored her hand reminding me, she was engaged to Happy, as I continued to listen her brief me on the compound carefully. I noticed she placed emphasize on the relationship between Tony and Dr. Strange as she had apprehended that my timeline was not very flexible with homosexuality, she was not wrong as I would have been confused and uncomfortable but even in my timeline things had changed which made me realize that love can be amongst anyone. To love and be loved is a privilege not that I know of anymore but no human on earth is capable to say who to love, though I did not cut her and listened to her with great interest. She told me that there the Avengers always had their meals together also planning activity in the family room and training together to keep the bond of family amongst themselves. The festivals were also celebrated together except for Christmas and New Year as most of they spend it with their families, my heart sank as she mentioned it and my expressions were clear to her. I saw panic ran through her face followed by grief because she had mentioned it as a piece of information completely forgetting that I did not have anyone to share my life with anymore. She quickly made up for it as she told me again that I could choose to celebrate it with any of them I pleased though she pushed me a little towards the Stark- Strange family because something dramatically comic always happened at their place. I heard a laugh escape Harpy’s mouth finally as I saw Virginia smile too and shared that the previous New Year Anastasia had played a prank on Harley and Peter, she had convinced everyone including the staff of the resorts to not acknowledge her brother’s presence. So the entire day they wandered around trying to communicate with everyone while they were treated like a ghost by all of them and it did end with Peter bursting in tears which led to Stephan confessing, the entire countdown to the New Year was spend by a scuffle between Harley and Anastasia. While Stephan consoled his crying teenage son and Virginia went on lecturing Tony about fooling around like a child and causing mess, it was very entertaining to watch though they informed me. Virginia added that Harley and Peter were the brightest teenager with Peter even being Spiderman and fighting real evil, but they worshiped Anastasia who always played mean prank on them. She would say anything, and they would believe her words blindly, but she was also there for them when Harley was paranoid all the time after his parent’s death, she had always been with him consoling him. Stephan also did not know how to convince Harley that he was safe, but Anastasia did, she had always been string for her brother and would give her life for her family.

Virginia had drifted away from briefing me to Anastasia completely, but I did not mind, I was extremely pleased to listen about her who had helped Tony become a family and also the pranks she played on her brothers were pretty amusing too. We were in middle of another story where Anastasia had hacked into Spiderman suit remaining all his protocols into baby terms and her father’s suit into elderly term, that girl had a charm for humor and since the time I landed I felt alone. I felt sad but that little girl managed to spread a smile on my face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Four: Steve meets Nick Fury, Phil Coulson, Maria Hill and Alexander Pierce.  
> Steve drifts in the past narrating the events of his childhood suffering illness, being bullied, making friends with Bucky and being adored by a three year old Jocelyn.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve adjust to his new Avenger life but finds Tony always very cold towards him. After an outbreak he realizes the shadow of his past has followed him as Tony accuses him of not being a hero. He manipulates Tony as a truce is formed between them and gets and insight of his wife's life after his crash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 4

2010, Malibu

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

After Six Months

My life is the Avengers Tower had been so confusing and fulfilling at the same time, the first day I arrived here I was amazed by the technology and beauty of the architect, I was a little nervous to meet all the other resident because for a while I had grown to people applaud every tiny thing I do because I was special and different. Here however I was educated by Coulson that every resident was a hero and some had known each other longer like Natasha and Tony had been friends since the time he joined S.H.I.E.L.D., they were practically like siblings so I could feel a little out of place. In complete honesty I did not though, the whole resident was huge enough to be lost in it but yet this people spend almost each moment of the day together very enclosed and tight, everyone greeted me with warmth from the very first day well except for Tony. He never discarded me as the leader of the team yet from the very first day I found him distant and cold towards me the reason which was revealed to me a little later and the situation between us is much better now. The resident is built over the edge of a mountain and is powered by an artificial intelligence, J.A.R.V.I.S. who is just a body away from being another Tony. He has the exact amount of sass and snarky as his inventor as once someone had joked while asking him if he had a girlfriend to while he replied that he had been told that his intellectual standards are too high to have one. It so happened over breakfast and we all had burst into laughter, in that little moment I and Tony looked at each other with a small smile but the very moment he turned his face again. He never mistreated me though, he even designed my floor himself in the most 1940s way he could to make me feel like home, I genuinely loved it as all the furniture seemed like it had been teleported from a rich family house in the 1940s. The floor I had was on the topmost of the building with everything from a massive bedroom, a walk in closet, a personal office, a gym if I wanted to work out at odd hour and obviously a massive washroom with hot bath tub. The most overused machine in my room was the television in which I played movies every night to help me fall asleep and also to cope up with this generation. He also without asking arranged a car and driver for me so that it could take me anywhere though my attraction fell on bike and once trained I purchased a vintage lovely model. Tony the most reasonable voice and atheist even introduced me to a nearby church though the message came from his lovely partner Stephan I knew it was his doing as he kept lurking around while the discussion regarding the same was going on. I thanked them as I resumed my duties towards my religion from the following week, my other duties were limited with having the first meal and then working in the office mainly entertaining Maria Hill as she addressed all my investment once a week. After breakfast the team scattered to do their own work as Tony spend handling Stark Industry from his office, Harley and Peter went to school, Stephan was in his hospital, Clint taught as a school for students with hearing problem which he had established after a few years of shifting because he also had troubled hearing and Natasha taught ballet to teenage girls, while Thor spend his time mostly circling around his girlfriend Jane in her office and sometimes visiting his brother or sister, Sam spend his morning with veterans from war dealing with PTSD and he invited me to join him. I joined him after hesitation because therapy was not a very popular concept during my time, if a soldier was killed, we were trained to walk it off and keep fighting till either we die, or the blood is drained from our opponent. It felt nice like a heavy weight was lifted when I spend my morning with Sam and soon, we bonded over our experience because war in any era is traumatic for the one’s fighting. We all assembled for lunch except for Harley, Peter and Stephan, after which we trained for any upcoming situation and once the kids returned, they trained with us too. By dinner time Stephan would have returned from hospital after a hectic day always to be greeted by a smiling Tony who would be all over him till Stephan felt his day washed away, I always looked at them with a tinge of jealousy. I used to have that when as soon as I used to be back Jocelyn would wrap herself around me greeting me with kisses but even in the few years I would always find her moping around the apartment with her nose down into her studies which I knew was just a way of her to escape my presence. There was a time that she would literally throw herself at me without letting a moment go when she did not have my physical contact and in those dark days she pushed me away like every time I touched her she burned. The anger I had may have cultivated because she stopped reacting to me altogether and I am not proud but while she was struggling I used her body like a rag dog to establish that I was her husband, I was a man and it was her duty to please me. I could see her crying, pleading and howling in pain but the monster in me never stopped me, I could not save her and now that I am all alone surrounded by such happy couples all I wish for one night when I will love her again and not claim her.

When I look back, I cannot even trace the point where it all went downhill or maybe I can but I am to ashamed to see the flaws in me, everyone has placed me in a pedestal too high for me to climb down and reveal myself. When I was unfrozen, I had promised to be better and do better but when I finally confronted Tony I went back to the cowards who craved power once more. I did not lie completely I just let him know my side of the story to which he decided that he would synthesize with me. He was unlike his father, he did not let his own views corrupt the mind of his boys who absolutely adored me, and they always came to me trading their new social media tricks with my war stories which was mostly used by them to pass their history paper. They found me very helpful but their lessons did not serve me much purpose, I was not very much interested in the internet and I choose my old friend my books. Stephan too is a lovely soul, he would always have some interesting medical story to share which I found intriguing listening too, and we even cooked some meals together on weekends. I soon understood why Tony was hooked on Stephan, he was the anchor to always make Tony feel grounded and loved, and they often found themselves in friendly banter which ended in him being scolded by Stephan for spending carelessly or starting a prank war against Anastasia and mostly because he spoiled the boys. Stephan lost his mind when Tony put his life in jeopardy as in the past when they were still dying a material from his arc reactor was killing him which Tony confessed to Stephan and Anastasia only after he found the cure. That is when Stephan decided that he could not stay away from this ticking time bomb of a person, he understood that Tony being a hero means a lot of things along with the most dreadful thing that he might walk out to save the world and never come back. Stephan understood that he needed to make the most of all the moments he had with that person he loved more than anything, he had confided this fear when we had finished the red wine which was meant for our pasta, he did not break into tears but his tall frame was hunched back. He told me as he stared into the ground and I kept my hand on his assuring that he was brave and all he could do was hope also promising that if it came, I would die for Tony. I did not lie I meant it because I would do anything for all of them, they have a life, someone to love and I did not so my life was not very valuable anyway.

Clint and Thor bonded over with me while training as they learned a whole lot of new tricks from mine and I learned that when I let Thor hit his hammer which he calls Mjolnir, on my shield which was a gift from Howard when we were still friends; a huge energy spurge is created which can be helped in a battlefield. Natasha was very eager to find me a date and till now she comes with brand new profile of girls who I can date, I tried to make her understand that my memories of my wife are still fresh but she feels that I should not be depressed about her death rather than celebrate our time together. She tells me that even Jocelyn would have wanted to move on and I really want to confess that she would be the last person to care. I was so desperate for her reaction, for her to fight for me again that I let myself cheat on her repeatedly during our marriage and not for a single second that bothered her. The mornings when I returned from Peggy’s house, she would just ask for my laundry and get everything cleaned by evening completely aware that her husband was cheating on her. That is the thing we drifted on very bad notes that just scribbled over all the good memories and whenever I think of moving on I think of the way I wronged her for my own selfish motive. I cannot move on to anyone, even while I cheated with her it was only with Peggy because she was a genuine friend who had held me tight during my weakest moment. I always regret everything that I put Jocelyn including cheating her but not with Peggy, as my dearest Peggy brought me back from death in the manner my new family by bits was doing. The only one I could not find a point of peace with was Tony who questioned my every move in training and would avoid being in the same room as I, reply to everything I had to say with snarl. It became difficult because during movie nights we would be seated in the further corner as after picking on the bad energy I choose to avoid him too and everyone around were aware of it though Stephan often tried to be a peacemaker. It did all erupt one day, all our tension suddenly burst into something unfaithful that was predicted by everyone and it so happened when no one was there to be a peacemaker. I had been staying in the tower for five weeks by then and one early morning I decided to invite Tony over for breakfast as it was the only both of us in the tower. As Sam, Clint and Natasha had gone for a mission and his children were in summer camp while Stephan was away in New York for an emergency operation. I want you to understand if there was anyone else I would have sent for them as that is the relationship we had through messenger, the only time we had a conversation was when he greeted me for two minutes and after that it was radio silence or sarcasm from his end. I kept everything away as I walked down to his workshop where he had been hauled for almost a day without any food and J.A.R.V.I.S. announced me. I saw through the glass walls his face contemplating to let me enter and then finally giving access to immediately ask if I had some work from him and if not to let him do his work. I saw his being busied with his new suit as I walked towards him informing, he had missed the entire previous day and he must have breakfast, he turned towards me and with that smirk said,

“I do not think Capsicle, I need you to babysit me. I can take care of myself so thank you so much for nothing”

I could not believe he would pick on my pain and attack the same, I wanted to stop and walk away but the darkness in me grew as I let those words slip off my tongue,

“Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?”

“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist,” he replied instantly and I smirked as my brain knew of the perfect comeback which would break through him, I did have that talent to break people emotionally more than I liked, as I said to him,

“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you. I pity your family who thinks so highly of you, Stephan who lives in constant fear that you would die saving the world, your children who adore you not knowing that if it comes to any of them and yourself, you would choose you. I mean what kind of father would go ahead announcing that he was a superhero knowing that would put his own daughter at constant risk, but you were never a father to her. She was just your mistake right Stark?”

I saw color fade off his face as I realized the depth of my words but the anger in me stopped me like all those years, I had promised to be better but here I was again playing with people’s pain and I had did the same thing to his father and though I was pleased at the result but I still regret it. I wanted to change desperately but I did not know how, I was so used to feel powerless and then I found this immense power so anyone disrespected me would be punished. I woke up promising I would leave that darkness back but here it came back chasing me, I saw tears filled in his eyes as he screamed with his lungs out,

“I do not want to be a hero because everyone’s definition of a hero is you but there is nothing special about you. A lab rat and that is what you have always been and I see through you, Rogers you are no hero but a threat.”

I looked at him shocked as he screamed at me to walk away from his workshop, I suddenly grew completely nervous because the very last sentence he said was the same told by his father and I did not know how much of truth he had parted on his son. I grew conscious of being unveiled, I should not have I should have accepted my flaw but the darkness in me made him question,

“Do you question me because of something that happened with Howard in the past because you have every right not to like me for something I did to you but if you are here seeking vendetta then you should know two sides of the story. Irrespective of whatever your view is, I will not be justifying myself to you”

I concluded and started to walk away, if he had the courage of his father he would confront me or else he would continue to be a child to me and either way I would not let him be a threat to me, that was the thought that consumed me though I did not want to yet when everything was going fine he decided to prick the same pain inflected on me by Jocelyn, something which made me a real threat to her. The reason I could not have him disrespect me was because every time someone did that I turned into a monster and I really did not want to hurt him or his beautiful family, I wanted to be true to my promise even if it meant saying a goodbye to this new family forever.

Tony however was curious as before I could walk up back, he called out my name and when I turned he looked stone cold at my face and in a firm voice claimed,

“My father loved me and my mother, everyone respected and loved him, and he had built everything from scratch something I always loved him for, he was always there for me. I told him I was gay, and he told me that nothing changes between us, he said he respected my choice and I was free to love anyone. He never pushed me but inspired me always, he always saw the best in everyone, and he taught me to be kind and forgiving. Another person who had a huge impact was your wife, Jocelyn I spend my summer with Aunty Jace she was my godmother, she loved me so much. She was so kind, intelligent and loving, after you died, she never looked for love again giving her life to her research, she never spoke anything ill about you ever but she never spoke about you too. My father who saw the good in everyone always ignored talking about you, my godmother always referred you as the decorated war hero but avoided questions about her husband. They spoke more glorified about your friend, Uncle Bucky and his untimely death, they never said they hated you but they never spoke about you in a way someone who is a friend should or a wife who loved her husband should, my father always told me you were not a hero. So when a man whom I adored, felt inspired and loved, someone who could never do something wrong speaks about one of his friend in such manner there are chances that even a big man in a suit of armor thinks that there is some grave mistake you did that made you unforgivable and a threat”

I literally smiled internally as this was a game I could play, I read through him and I could not be happier that most crucial details were left out which gave me ample of time to manipulate his little brain. I convinced myself that I was doing nothing wrong, this would keep him safe, the more he liked me and appreciated me the safer he would be so if anything, then I was doing it for him. This was my voice of reason for a long time now and though I made my promises I could not be completely fair and a little twist would not be very tragic moreover whatsoever I say would not matter because he would still love his father and my deceased wife, so I lied again,

“A friend your father was indeed, a friend who stabbed me when I was weak and his betrayal came with my beloved Jocelyn, I know it was trivial of me to hold a grudge against them but it all so new that I did not have time to understand my reaction to them. I just want to tell you that whatever I say next should not change the way you see your father or Jocelyn; I am sure they loved you and it was just our story. Bucky died and every one of us was in a state of shock while I took a mission to haunt the very last member of Hydra, Jocelyn felt very alone her brother meant the entire world to her. I was not there for Jocelyn, my fight made me away from her and her poor soul inclined towards your father for support, I knew whatever happened was pure platonic just two grieving souls seeking solace in each other but when they confessed of their affair I flipped and I could not deal rationally. Those days were bad, I left my house each night only to return the next morning drown in my sorrow and when your father intervened, I treated him harshly accusing him of ruining my life. I always thought that I would find a different way to handle their affair because I knew they were true to me, Jocelyn had a moment of weakness, she loved me and I wanted to say that I loved her back but it was just too late for us,”

I looked up to him as he stared at me blankly, I lied to him or maybe twisted the truth in a little manner, his father did betray me because instead of being a friend he blamed with like Jocelyn and everything turning against me lose control, I had done something terrible to him which I did not want to repeat with his son. I turned back and walked away upstairs to my floor, I decided to pack my belongings and seeking another place to reside. I deserved that punishment for manipulating the facts and accusing my dear Jocelyn of something so horrid, but I really could not help this greed within me was growing and not ready to be tame. I was still packing everything when Tony arrived in my floor, he made himself seated in the couch requesting me to sit beside him and so I did. He looked at the floor trying to dig hole into the ground as in a timid voice he confessed,

“I am not good at apologizing but Stephan say to give credit where it is due and seek forgiveness when you fuck up, so my father was a great man and I love him. I respect him and till the end of days I knew he loved me and my mother but he was a human and had flaws so when you say something like this I know you are saying the truth and I am extremely sorry for projecting his anger on you. I have nothing against you as a matter of fact even I find myself swirled around the whole heroism you have, what I mean to say is I respect you and I am sorry. So, truce”

I shook my hands with him as I felt littler of myself as a person but that abbreviated the danger, after that day he was a different person all together. We bonded over many things but past I did not want him to bring the stories he had with Jocelyn because I am sure those do not paint me in a good picture and for now I am desperately trying to just have all her great memories, the one’s where she loved me more than everything.

I also realized that Natasha was not completely wrong maybe I needed someone, never to fall in love but maybe just to let myself feel things that I have not felt for a long time. It was easier because in the past I had Peggy but finding someone in this generation would be tough, but Natasha says she will introduce me to someone tomorrow at the Halloween party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Five: Steve celebrates Halloween with the rest of the Avengers. He kisses a very attractive and mysterious Harley Quinn only to loose her to Joker. He meets with Sharon Carter, curtsey of Natasha.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 5

2010, Malibu

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

I never celebrated Halloween even as a child, I always felt we had too many monsters already and dressing up as one knocking door to door with getting something as minimal as a gum with high risk of being kidnapped and sold was not a pretty picture. I belonged to a neighborhood where festivities as such were extravagant, each household struggled to make two ends meet and so Halloween was a huge negative for me. The Barnes family had their celebration but it was a boring and tiresome party where no one wore mask and so the siblings skipped it altogether, so when Natasha mentioned that the party would also be a costume specific it came as a shock to me because I felt very embarrassed to be dressed and flaunt myself around. I could have said no, I should have said no I was too old for such shenanigans, but they have been so cooperative and sweet to me I could not break their hearts. I agreed to it and also firmly made it clear that I would be in charge of my own costume and decided on the Phantom of the Opera costume, I had seen a movie and I instantly fell myself interested in the character and something about the white half face mask gave me enough to show and enough to hide. The designer took my measurement and a week before delivered the costume in my exact fitting, Clint and Natasha had decided on Gomez and Morticia Addams, Tony, Stephan, Harley and Peter decided on Princess Leia, Han Solo, Jacen Solo and Anakin Solo while Tony shared that he wanted his daughter to be Jaina Solo but an evening before I heard him complaining like a toddler to Stephan that his daughter had decided to dress up as something else. Sam took it an entire level up when he decided to dress up as Fury and he was pretty good at mimicking Fury. Thor and Jane had settled on Hercules and Megara, while he had mentioned that his brother would make an appearance as Hades. The decoration and organization team started their work from early morning as every routine for that day was cancelled, my heart after a very long time fluttered at the excitement of a child because something different was destined for me. I felt happy that I would be celebrating Halloween which was made the center of attention in the household for a few week now with people arguing over their costumes and finally deciding on them, it seemed tedious especially for Tony and Stephan who wanted their family to dress up in similar fashion only to be dropped off by their daughter at the last time.

Tony grumbled the whole time while Stephan kept reminding him that their adult daughter still decided to join them over her friends, and they would together as a family after a long time even if it meant for an evening. Anastasia was having a busy year juggling between her studies and her work at Stark Industry, so the entire Stark-Strange clan took turn to pay her visitation throughout the year. It also made me realize that it would be the very first time that he would meet with her, he have just heard about her and never met or even seen her because her father never keep anything of their children that can be traced back to them in time of danger. I already had an image up in my mind of her which would obviously be similar to her father’s feature and his wits, I was really looking forward to meeting her. Another person I would meet for the first time was Loki, though I had seen his pictures, curtesy of Jane but it would be the first encounter with the God of Mischief and another unknown character of whom I know nothing about would be my date. Natasha had set me up for a blind date which would fail in an epic manner because I still do not know how to be honest to someone and say I do not want to spend eternity with you but just a few moments. She said that there are terms like Friends with Benefits, Flings, One Night Stand and Hookup which would allow me to vent out my sexual frustration without having to put myself in an uncomfortable zone. She assured me that the girl she chooses would be the right one and we would definitely be comfortable with each other, I wanted to doubt her but given her history as a brilliant spy I was convinced by her. The evening rolled by and we all arrived in our costumes almost unrecognizable, the guest started to arrive, and it was a mixed crowd, some were friends of Tony, somewhere of Stephan, some of Jane and remaining few of mine and Sam. The party got crowded in no time and the lights were dim as I found a peaceful corner looking around it made me feel like I was trapped inside a movie of this century where there was a mandatory high school party sequence. I was confused and nothing about it seemed right, neither the music nor the lack of light and even with every air condition fully working fifteen minutes into it and there were sweaty bodies rubbing against each other in the dance floor. I sat at the corner and looked around as I ordered a waiter to serve me with drinks and he happily obliged, the alcohol made no difference in my system and I was entirely conscious. I wanted to get myself a little loose so that every second when a girl approached me I would not smile at her and lie about waiting for someone, it was halfway through the party when I saw Pepper and Happy wave at me from the other side of the room. I smiled back at them as they got lost in the crowd again, I looked down at my tenth emptied glass of gin and tonic wondering where Natasha was hiding this perfect blind date of mine when my attention was drawn to someone else. A figure that leaned beside me, it was a girl in her early twenties, her features were very difficult to understand as because she had huge layer of makeup, she was dressed as Harley Quinn, a popular choice at the party and a very bold one indeed. She gave me one of her slutty smiles that I believe she would pass onto many men tonight as she let her tongue lick her lips quickly before parting her mouth saying,

“I think you need something stronger than that dearie”

If I had followed my normal demeanor, I should have told her that I was waiting for someone but this girl made me pull myself towards her, something attracted me towards her stronger than any other force in the universe. I felt like I needed to talk to her, to feel her and touch her such desperation was never felt by me except for Jocelyn of course but having this girl inches away from me made me ache in pain if I could I would take her right at that moment. I let my eyes wander over her body, she was full in the exact right place and that little panties that she wore as shorts did amaze for her wonderful bubble butt and her toned legs. Her thighs begging to be handled and kissed roughly till marks are adoring her leg, her hair which was tied in double pony with pink and blue were dying to be let out and fit into my fist as I take her from back, I knew that I had to have her as I let myself be brave and asked her,

“What do you have?”

She smiled walked towards me, stood in front of me as she replied to my challenge,

“Something that will change your life”

I could not register her words as she sat on my lap crossing her legs around my waist, her hands pulling the end of my blazer towards her body and smashed her lips against mine, it was pure and it was rough. I nibbled and bite on her lower lips as I put my hands under her little white top feeling the laced up lingerie she had on her, in our mouth we fought for dominance as our tongue explored each other while I bite her lips so that those soft moans could escape from her mouth. In seconds I felt rock hard for her as her hands travelled and put away my mask to get better access of my face, I placed my hands on her boobs as I pressed them softly at first and they letting my thump circle her nipple which pecked at my touch. I suddenly felt her hand on my chest as her tongue placed a small tablet in mine, she tore her lips away as I looked at her in state of utter confusion, she gave me another one of her smiles as she said,

“Some other day Captain”

She did not give me time to react as she squeezed my knee before untangling herself and within a second she was gone, I saw her again at the top of the stairs as stood placed her hands around the neck of a man dressed as Joker, he placed his hands on her waist as I heard her say to him in that slutty voice she used on me before sometime,

“You got all dressed up for me?”

He smiled at her as he placed his hands cupping her face and looking into her eyes he replied,

“Oh, you know I would do anything for you”

I watched him as he take her lips into his, it was like watching a train wreck I should be the one to feel her but here she was in the arms of another, I felt balls of rage under my body and the need to take her body started to grow even more. I wanted to walk up to the pair and punch the life out of that man and take what rightfully is mine have her in every way I want and then toss her aside forever. I might have done that, my darkness commanded me to do so but I saw him conclude the kiss as he looked directly at me and in another second, I lost both of them in the crowd. It was as if they had vanished into thin air, I sat there feeling the hardness in my groin go stronger as my mind wandered about her, the softness of her skin against my body, her voice that would scream my name as I make her cum over and over again, the state of pleasure and pain she would have been when she would be under me completely crushed, I swallowed the pill she graciously gifted me and waited for wonder to happen yet I felt myself drown more into fucking this stranger that left me with such an urge and desire that I felt only with my wife. A lust so strong that consent never mattered, I just wanted her under any circumstances and those earlier days when she submitted her willfully and obeyed me by satisfying me were complete bliss. After my procedure it became utterly difficult to get off easily, I would be hard for a long time and even something as minimal of her as bending down to pick something would create arousal in me. I always had the sexual arousal for her but I had a time bar like every other men but the procedure did wonder for me and I could go on for hours without getting my body sore. Each single think I fucked her since the very beginning to the very last day she made me feel great, powerful and strong something that I never felt with Peggy. I was never completely satisfied with Peggy, though she tried every position and every trick to please me, but I still preferred having Jocelyn under me screaming and pushing me away while I tame her to have, Peggy worship me on bed. I felt the same for this mysterious person who awoken me completely and then vanished away leaving me with agony and desperation, but life works in mysterious ways. I wanted to break my dry spell and after few minutes Natasha approached me with a girl who looked like she could a high school sweetheart but not a fashion icon, she choose to be sexy nurse and I say sexy because almost all of her breast were out of the deep cut she had in her white tight blouse and her white skirt was so short that I am sure if she walked I could see her naked butt, I mean everyone could and I after evaluation of the entire new generation always felt that showing skin statistically is sexy but showing skin like you are in a meat market is trashy. The good thing about trash is they come easy, they feel that every guy wants them but most of the guys are just like me lucked out on their original option and setting for someone like her who would give me her best heads and still I would think about the one minute I spend kissing the random stranger. Natasha introduced us, she was Sharon Carter and as she left us alone, we started to converse and in a few minute I understood the reason Natasha thought that she would be my best option. Sharon like me was serious in her life and profession, she did not have time for any romantic relationship so a girl filled with hormones yet having nowhere to vent it out would not miss a chance to be fucked her brains out by the legend. I wanted to clear the air about me having a sexual relationship with her aunty as well but she brushed it aside, it did not matter to her. After a few more minute of small talk she invited me over to her apartment which was a fifteen minute drive away and I accepted it graciously, she drove us and as soon as the door was shut our lips were sealed, it was soft as I understood Sharon is one of the sensitive girls who likes thing slow. It was too bad that the fire the stranger aroused in me did not let me take anything slow, so I took her legs and wrapped them around my waist as I continued to kiss her neck while walking towards the center table. I unwrapped her legs and turned her placing her back towards me, I bend her over as I ripped open the zipper of her tiny skirt, I took my wallet and was ready to take the condom out which Natasha had advised me earlier to place it. I saw Jocelyn’s picture on the wallet as I took the condom and placed the wallet in a way that her picture could be visible to me. I did not need to see Jocelyn with the stranger, but I needed to see her now, I craved for her, I wanted to close my eye fuck Sharon and in my fantasy fuck Jocelyn, this was a bittersweet torture. I unzipped my pants as they fell on my ankle and put on the condom, I placed myself at her already wet entrance and pushed my length into her body in one single stroke as she moaned my name in pleasure. I did not want to hear her moaning because that brought me to the reality that it was not Jocelyn I was doing so I placed my three fingers into her mouth and commanded her to suck while my eyes were set on the picture of my Jocelyn and I slammed myself into her again and again in a speed that made her head spin and her eyes water. I knew she was already exhausted, and I was tiring her but I could not come so close and remain unsatisfied so as she whimpered in pain I continued to slam into her till her knees became jelly and I finally found myself released. I disposed the condom off as I watched her collapse on the floor and I laid beside her with my eyes on the ceiling hearing her drift away in sleep slowly as I kept wondering about that one minute with the complete stranger which made me feel wholesome again. The entire night I spend fascinating about the stranger and my dick agreed with me every fifteen minutes which resulted in me having to wake a sleep and exhausted Sharon to satisfy me, she did not complain or back off, like a little slut she pleased me and worshipped me. At some point in the night we ended up in the bedroom where she snuggled against my body and slept while I slept straight wondering where my hands would fit best as I finally drifted away. I woke up the next afternoon to have her already cook lunch for me, we had lunch and I thanked her over complimenting her as she blushed, and we said goodbye with notes to meet again in near future. I was definitely in a chirpier mood when I entered the tower and Natasha was the first to notice, she opened her mouth with a dirty comment in her mind already ready to blurt out as I sharply looked at her smiling saying,

“You know what Romanoff”

I did not need to finish she understood me as she smiled and I just started walking back to my room but was interrupted as Tony who had himself wrapped around Stephan while they watched some movie comment,

“I thought you were hitting it off with that Harley Quinn”

I dropped my head and nodded in negative as everyone in the room looked at me with a little sympathy before Sam whose face was still covered with glitter considering he spend his night entertaining two men dressed as stripper said,

“Joker and Harley Quinn seemed to plague the party yesterday, every other person was dressed as them, I still do not understand how someone finds that toxic relationship of theirs so romantic”

It was Thor who walked out of the kitchen into the family room with a packet of pop tart saying,

“It so happened that females decides to dress as Harley Quinn individually and Joker was a popular choice amongst mail, coincidentally they became a pair in the party. Likewise, my brother Loki was supposed to arrive as Hades but he choose the Joker”

I smiled and excused myself because I really wanted to go to my room and sleep for some more time as I entered the elevator I heard Tony complain about how his daughter Anastasia also had dressed as Harley Quinn which I personally believe he should give up on.

I went to my room tossed my phone aside to see a single text message from Sharon inquiring if I had found my way back home safely. I could give her the detail of the taxi I boarded and could start a whole chain of texting but instead I replied in a manner Peter had taught me with an emoji. A chain of texting in this generation is the first step towards dating something which I was not looking forward to at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Six: Steve captures Runlow with the help of Shuri and T'Challa. He celebrates the Valentine Day with his girlfriend. He recalls his past when Jocelyn displayed her love for him openly while he tried to woo Dolores. He and Bucky meets Howard for the very first time.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's relationship with Sharon becomes official. In the past a teen Steve takes a bold move to approach his crush Dolores, Bucky helps him while this breaks Jocelyn' s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 6

2011, Lagos

Eight Months Later

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

The mission was a success as we managed to unload the group of kidnapped Wakandan and Nigerian citizen from the back of the cattle truck, King T’Challa‘s intel played a key role in trapping Brock Rumlow. This name had haunted the whole of Asian and African continent for some years now, human trafficking, and black market selling and buying of weapon, smuggling Vibranium out of Wakanda they had made a name for themselves and Fury had planned this mission very meticulously because Brock’s previous employees had a reputation of being extremely violent and inhuman. A super soldier and every attempt by Brock failed, here he was lying on the ground with his face to the road as his hands tied behind him with the latest Stark wires that wraps itself around more tightly if you struggle sending electrical shock all over your body. Sharon stood by his body with her riffle pointed to his head as he grumbled in his helpless position, she had accompanied to my mission and I needed her because she was extremely sharp and also because now we were dating so it felt adventurous to have a mission. Moreover, our best girl Natasha was on a maternal leave with Clint in Thailand under the identity of a Clint being a businessman and having to open a casino with his latest mistress. They had decided to go underground to stay away from the stress as Natasha had unfortunately already lost two children before their birth by a sudden ambush and one during a mission so this time she did not take any chances.

Sharon was the good for me to, our story progressed a lot after the Halloween party, we met a couple of more times and soon we started to spend every alternative weekend with each other doing nothing much but satisfying each other on bed. During Thanksgiving I visited her family and we also paid a visit to Peggy, who was nothing like I last remembered her to be. She was frail, while machines attached to her body and her bright eyes rarely opened at my sight while she smiled at me and I held her hands into mine. I stayed with her for hours as I spoke to her of this new life I had as she listened patiently, she was a ghost of the enigmatic girl I once knew but it felt nice to have someone from the past. I and Sharon spent the Christmas and New Year in a private island in Bali, it was peaceful and our relationship deepened as we confided in each other our flaw and fear. I obviously could to unveil myself because I did not want her to see the monster in me, so I created flaws in me which were inspired by movies and she bought that up, by Valentine ‘s day I had proposed to her for a relationship and we had been dating since. I am not in love with her, it is not like that if I do not spend a day without her I feel incomplete or I crave for even an extra second for her, it is not like that when she is in the room my eyes are fixated on her only, I let my mind divert but I feel lonely when she is not around and I do not want to feel alone. I want someone to care for me and to make me feel whole, I do not want to spend my night staring at the ceiling with the memories of my past. I think that the pure and innocent love that I could feel was completely poured in Jocelyn alone and now I am just searching for something that will keep me companied but it is strange because even as Sharon is snuggled against my body as my arms are wrapped around her I feel alone. Even when we are in a crowded room as she holds my hands I feel that I am not in the right place, I do not instantly smile when I see her and my heart does not beat ten times faster seeing her. It is just that I find her company enjoyable but every time I see Stephan coming back from his hospital to be attacked by his teenage son to resolve a dispute between them while Stark intervene pulling them away as Stephan thanks him silently I feel I am missing something. The day Natasha announced her pregnancy and the happiness in Clint’s face while they held each other in love made me feel that I do not have that in my life. Thor and Jane serve me the worst reminder because just like Jane being done with her amazing boyfriend trying to protect her, Jocelyn used to complain about the same because even before procedure I wanted to be her knight in shining armor. I could have had it all but I choose the wrong path and now all I can do is try to fill this void in my life as I systematically function in this relationship, I can simply look at her and wonder if my life could be any different and I could fall in love again. The answer is always in negative, I see her standing bravely as she smiles at me and I after unloading the truck completely pull Brock up by his collar as I hand him over to King T’ Challa for him to be served with Wakanda justice. I and Sharon drive away to the airport as her hands rest on my knee and she looks out of the window admiring the beautiful city of Lagos where we had spent the last three months. I continue to drive as my mind wander around to the time when I was happy and the exact moment when I fell in love with Jocelyn, when I looked at her face promising myself to always love her and protect her. It is a funny story because she had been so loud and certain of her feelings since a very young age while I always conflicted with mine.

It took her some year to explain me her feelings as during the younger days I always felt that she had a childish obsession with me which would eventually fade away. Anyone in my shoes would have thought the same way, we spend three grades studying together and everyone in the class knew that she was all over me. She would always be around me embarrassing me by standing on her tip toes and planting kiss on my cheek, holding my arms as we walked by and showering me with compliments which made me blush uncontrollably. Every time she visited my house she walked around like she owned the place and never referred to my mother as aunty and always as Mama requesting me to do the same with her parents. She would always twirl around in her pretty little dress narrating the marriage we would have after some years and the family we would raise. My classmates, bullies, mother and even her parents kept teasing us while I always tried to explain her that she must concentrate on her studies as honestly she had huge potential in her, I did not want to reject her upfront and break her heart. Bucky on the other hand always crushed her being the realist and reminding her that I would never marry a loud mouth and shameless little girl like her, she would cry over me and throw tantrum till he apologized to her but never trusting his words. I do remember a cruel day when her little heart was crushed because of me, it was in the year 1935, and I and Bucky were in grade six while she was already promoted to grade eight. That year academically was taking a toll on her, I saw less of her as most of the time the nine-year-old had her face buried inside her books and honestly I enjoyed the little space I had to myself. I was sixteen-year-old and like all the boys of that age I was fascinated by the concept of love, I felt that the girl I found pretty would be my one true love. I fell in love very often almost every six month but never approached anyone because I rejected myself before they could, I knew no one would prefer a boy like me who was all skin and shy, neither good in sports or academic, with no money to his name and no charm like Bucky. He had a smooth way to talk to girls and had been popular amongst the senior but never made a move or even if someone tried to date him he would reject confiding in me he would date only when I would which I kept telling him would lead him to be single forever. He would smile and always remind me that there would be someone who was made for me and now that I think of he never mentioned a girl but always said that someone would love me and see me through, I understand who he had meant at that time. I was thick headed and one tracked minded which meant that he always meant a girl which was never his sister obviously, he wanted to break the notion in her mind of her and me together that once he had encouraged me to chase another whom I had thought I had loved. That was the day when I disappointed Jocelyn for the first time, and I saw tears on her eyes for me but that is the thing about bad days they always start of very good and very unexpectedly.

I had been obsessed with a senior girl from my school her name was Dolores, she had planned to visit the Rockaway Beach with her friends that Bucky was informed of by a common friend. So he convinced me to chase her there as we decided that we would cut school for a day, we were dropped off from our first class and then climbed through the little hole in the boundary wall. The plan was foolproof as we would take a train down to the beach and meet her telling my feelings to her, after which we would take the train back and reach before the last period end. The plan would not be disrupted according to us but life always loves to throw a curve, we reached the beach and spotted her with her friends. We had the whole day as we tried again and again to approach her only to lose her in the crowd finally, we caught up to her when one of her friends another girl from our school recognized Bucky. I was nowhere in the conversation as I felt my voice completed died into my throat, Bucky tried to be my wingman, but I could see her not interested in me as I laid my head down. I wanted to cry my heart out because I had seen our future with her hoping for her to see me and fall for me but I could see that she did not even want to stand by my side as she kept plastering a fake smile. I suddenly felt that I need to take in charge because I had to show that I was serious about her, so I looked around and found us standing in front of the game shop. I announced that I had the best aim in Brooklynn and would get any toy they would want from me, Dolores or as I always referred to her in my dreams Dot; took interest as she challenged me saying she would love the big pink bear. I scratched my hands at the back of my neck as I smiled assuring her and told her I would get it for her. I made my way to the shop counter and laid the money for the first round which I failed graciously, I could see Bucky put his fingers on his eyes as my face was filled with embarrassment. I could hear her friends laughing at me as I turned towards her ready to apologies when Bucky took out more money from his wallet and placed in on the counter, wishing me luck for the second chance. Now we had only three chances to shoot the moving can and on my last chance I finally managed to shoot it, I jumped up in glee as Bucky hugged me while the shop owner handed me over the bear. I gave it to Dolores who smiled at me, bend down towards me giving me a peck on my cheek as she told me that she would see me around and walked away with her friends. I and Bucky could not believe the reality anymore as I felt my heart would burst with joy, we kept repeating the same incident that happened over a few minutes back trying to paint my picture very gallantly. The trance was finally broken when we realized that we should make our way back to our school and Bucky sheepishly announced that the money he placed was our travel money which meant we had no money to travel. I assured him that we would find someone willing to give us a lift back home because the feeling of being kissed by someone you like subsidies every other logical problem. We stood by the road waving our hand for vehicle to stop, some did but were not on our way and the sky turned dark when finally a freezer truck stopped in front of us. He looked of our age as we shared our problems, he readily agreed to help with the condition that we had to be in the back of truck or he would run with the police in violation. We readily agreed because we had known that our family was already aware of us missing which meant there was trouble waiting for us back home. He drove us while we felt chill and finally when he had crossed a certain area, he offered us to sit with him and we did; we introduced each other and that is when he said that he was a teenager when he left his father who was very abusive towards him always beating him with belt. Since then he was living with his uncle and simultaneously in school because he was really bright, that year he was in a fresher in engineering in Massachusetts Institute of Technology on complete scholarship, he was spending his summer with his uncle, completing some of the his errands. We narrated him the incident that followed the day as he laughed and encouraged me to continue to wear my heart on my sleeves, he mentioned that he was working on inventing weapons in his college and if things would go in his way then he would try to make a business out of it. He also told us about the daughter of the land lady whose house his uncle had stayed all this year, the daughter who was of his age and had captured his heart completely, he told us that he needed to establish himself so that he could ask for her hand in marriage. We could have shared romantic antidote the entire night but our journey reached the destination as we wished him luck and he drove away, that was the very first time I meet Howard Stark. We suddenly felt very scared when we saw the car still on the parked by the school as we walked towards the boundary wall very carefully without being noticed, and sneaked into our class again. We realized that the door was locked as so we frantically started banging against the door within few seconds we were rescued and taken to the principal’s office as we faced our parents who showered us with questions. We pretended to be shocked as we told that we had slept off and just woke up to find the door shut tight, they seemed to buy our lie because of one simple reason the guard was known for his tardiness and no one would imagine a rule following boy like me would take such a big risk. I thanked God as I went to bide Bucky goodbye who was standing by Jocelyn and they were sharing some angry whisper amongst themselves. I went as she looked at me and asked me,

“Stevie I know you are lying because I checked the classroom myself before leaving and you both were not there”

I could not answer as Bucky placed his arms around me and told her,

“We had cut school and gone to Rockaway Beach and this little punk proposed to Dolores with a bear, she thanked him as she kissed him so Jacey dearie it is better you do not dream about him anymore, he has someone else in his life”

I saw tears welling up in her eyes as she pinched Bucky’s arm tightly, he screamed in pain and tears rolled down from her eyes as he nursed his wound, I opened my mouth to say something but she shook her head at me and ran away to where her father was standing holding the end of his blazer and hiding behind his tall frame. I felt absolutely terrible about myself as she did not turn to look at me while I bide Bucky goodbye and walked away with my mother. The next few days were hell, first Dolores refused to acknowledge my presence in school which made me feel very small and embarrassed, Jocelyn did notice it but unlike all the other time when she would move mountain to cheer me she simply avoided me. Every time from then I would be in her presence she would make herself scarce, I missed her being around me and claiming me proudly as hers, I did not have any romantic feeling but I felt crushed to see her walking around the school moping with books as her only company. I knew she had been through a lot of pressure with wanting to prove herself capable as everyone questioned her and mapped her life out as a housewife for her, her father could not devote the same amount of time anymore. The financial situation of the country was changing and the buying power of luxury goods as shoes was decreasing while the cost of production was increasing so he was almost all the time at his factory. She had no one to confide in and now she had completely lost her hopes on me, it was like telling her that Santa Claus did not exist which she processed herself at the age of five. After a month it became very painful for me as one evening before going to sleep I drew her smiling face which was far from perfect. I greeted the siblings the next day at the Christmas dinner at our house and very shyly passed a note into her hands before greeting her parents. After that I heard her say that she had lost her hat in the car while she took my hands telling the room that we would go and fetch it from the car.

Her father handed me the keys and asked us to be back fast as we climbed down the stair and then into the car, she let go off my hand as soon as we were seated inside as she questioned me,

“Why did you call me here Steve?”

I took her hands into mine and looked into her eyes as I said,

“I am and always will be Stevie for you, never call me anything but Stevie”

She looked away as she bite her lips and tears escaped from her eyes with her head shaking slowly, I cupped her face making her look at me as I said,

“I am sorry Jocelyn and I promise to never break your heart, I was stupid and trust me I love you and it is you, it is always you but you have to make a promise. You can never tell Bucky about us because he is scared of losing his friends so my dearest doll can you keep this secret between us”

She stared at me wide eyes as I let my fingers wipe off her tears and she smiled again at me making me feel all better again, she told me,

“Bucky loves you I know but I love you too and I promise I will keep you my secret Stevie. Will you kiss me now?”

I suddenly fell color wash away from my face because I was not prepared for it, I just wanted her to feel better about herself and wanted the smile back on her face. I did not have the feelings that I had for Dolores, the corrupt and the feelings that a boy of my age should have but for a girl of his age. I smiled at her and decided to handle her with care as I said,

“I will but not now, I want you to study and always prove everyone wrong, I want you to twirl around your dress happily, break into songs and never break your brother’s heart. I will see if you follow all of this then I will kiss you and marry you”

“I will do everything you say Stevie just never break my heart again, I do not like being without you”

I smiled and I promised that I would never break her heart again, I took her hands as she looked at the paper with her sketch for the last time and walking out of the car. We climbed up the stairs with our hands entwined in each other’s and as soon as she entered the room it became all the much brighter. Her mother enquired about her hat as she lied that she could not find it while Bucky came and stood by my side. We chatted as I looked at her smiling face promising myself to never break her heart, I at that night thought she would grow up eventually and grow out of love when she meets someone she likes. It did not happen instead I found myself to be head over heels in love with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Seven: Steve losses his mother while everyone around tries to cheer him up. He and Jocelyn becomes a proper couple while the dispute between Jocelyn and Bucky grows darker as a secret is revealed.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve 's mother dies and he grows depressed. Jocelyn and Bucky brings him back to life, he discovers that he in love with Jocelyn. During a Christmas dinner the siblings have a very bad fight and a truth is revealed. Steve shares his first kiss with Jocelyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 7

1940, Brooklynn

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

My mother was a nurse in the tuberculosis ward and while she served saving many lives she could not manage to save her own. It had been six weeks since she passed away leaving me completely orphaned and all alone in the world, I was twenty-one-year-old still having a year of school left when my world came crashing down on me. For the first few days I could not gather my head around the fact that she was no more in my life, I hoped that some twist of faith would happen, and she would return to my life. I had never been away from her and she had always been there for me, even when it was especially tough for her and now that she was no more in my life I was lost. I had started to push the one’s that had been there for me and wanted to be there for me, Bucky had offered to stay with me for a few days, but I denied him. I never lost someone I already knew in my life and losing my mother made me insecure that I could lose anyone, I was scared, and I was terrified of everything. I was not ready to have a life without her and even though we never had enough, yet we always made the best of our days, she cared for me and always made me feel safe. It was very difficult days for me, the Barnes family visited me, and even Bucky walked with me home every day school but I was not myself.

I used to sit and wander about memories of my mother and start crying to realize that I would never see her again. Jocelyn had started her college that year in Cooper Union as a physics major, she had received acceptance from many other reputed colleges but she wanted to stay by my side. We spend the entire weekend together while Bucky mostly helped his father in the factory as his father was in dire need of assistance having the factory slowly crumble due to slow sale. They even had decided to sell their vehicle and their manor shifting to an apartment in Brooklynn, everything just seemed to be dull and darkness. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, every weekend Jocelyn would come early on Saturday morning we had all our meals together and leave by evening after cooking my dinner. On Sundays she would accompany me to the church and then to the park sometimes or we would just walk down to our house. She was fourteen at that time, yet she was the most mature and graceful girl I had met, she always tried to make me feel better by trying me to talk to her about my loss. Bucky had told her that ever since my mother died, I had not cried or spoken of her, she understood that it was not very healthy of me to keep everything bottled up and she came up with experimental ideas to help me but all went in vain. I knew the death of my mother took a heavy toll on her and Bucky also as they adored her, for my mother they were her children too. Jocelyn also had told of our secret relationship to my mother who had helped me to come in term with my feeling for her. It so happened on the night of Jocelyn twelfth birthday party when I saw her cousin being nasty to her and I defended her, she reacted to it very angrily as she had told me that she loved me but she had to fight her own battle. I never lost my temper on her but that evening I did as I said her that she was just a little girl and meant nothing to me which she countered by saying that I was just jealous. My mother had seen that through us when we stopped talking for a week and confronted me about it, I told her about our relationship and that I was not willing to break her heart and hence was pretending. My mother had then told me that if it was all about it then I would have confronted her long ago, on her birthday saying rude things to her was just a proof that I felt the same about her too. It took me some more days but I finally understood that I no longer saw her as a little child but a girl I was in love with, I did not have any corrupt thoughts about her that happened after two years when she started to develop as a women. That time I just wanted to make her the happiest person on earth and love her always but since the previous years I started to have inappropriate dreams about her. It always kept me on my edge because irrespective of my feelings she was still not aged for those activity, it also builds up frustration because I had to lie to Bucky and sneak behind his back. He had developed the idea that Jocelyn had been over the phrase where she would obsess over me and had put his guards down, I felt terrible that I was in love and could not discuss about it with my best friend. That thought captured my mind for a long time and I had felt that it was the worst feeling ever till my mother died when I realized this was the worst feeling. I would have wanted to talk about my feelings, but I also wanted to be strong which meant pushing my sorrow far beneath into the bottom of my heart. I even kept myself preoccupied by drawing comic for both money and time consuming, it paid me for my school and grocery, so I was independent financially. It was harsh on me, I would have traded my life for her if I had been given a choice by God, she was a wonderful woman and I missed her incredibly. Jocelyn had thought that it was important that I grieved over my mother not by shutting myself but by letting the pain consume me, by letting the pain be felt and acknowledge it. I had found myself snap at her more often than when she tried but never for once she would say anything just whisper with her eyes filled with tears that everything would be better while I would coldly apologize to her. She knew that I was hurting and was ready to do anything in order to cope up with it and it happened so that she found a breakthrough. It happened on a Saturday morning when I was returned after submitting the comic copies to my apartment to be greeted with the smell of sweet potato soup the same kind that my mother used to cook. I knew that I had left Jocelyn with a promise to be back soon but could it be so that my mother had come back and told that everything that happened surrounding her death was a lie or God had decided to spare us some moment to say our goodbye. I would have had given anything to say her goodbye and I entered my apartment with anxiety and saw a stiletto of women dancing around the stove, I walked closer to see it was Jocelyn as I let a sob escape my mouth. She turned towards me and looked at me as I started to cry because the very last hope of having to see my mother was crashed somehow this was the first time after her death that I completely accepted the idea that I would never be seeing her again. She came by my side and hugged me as I wrapped my arm around her for support while my whole body crumbled and I struggled for breath, I managed to escape some words when I said,

“I will never see her again Jocelynn, I will never talk to my Mama again, she is gone, and I miss her so much. I love her so much and I want her, but she isn’t coming back. My Mama is death, she is no more”

I could not continue as I cried while she held me for hours and finally when I pacified, she brought over the soup spoon feeding me wiping my tears she held my hands and looked into my eyes saying,

“Stevie she loves you and she is here with you, I know you cannot see her anymore but she will always be around you love so don’t feel dishearten. She is very proud of you Stevie, just do not suppress your pain, feel it and trust me right now you cannot see it but someday it will get easier, your pain will become easier to bear”

I looked up at her as I placed a peck on her forehead and asked her,

“When did you get so mature my little doll?”

She smiled and continued to feed me the rest of the soup, she was not wrong I never forgot my mother but the pain of losing her eventually became a little more bearable for me and little by little whenever I recalled her I only had the brightest memories which made me feel happy and inspired.

1942, Brooklynn

Christmas

Jocelyn had grown up to be a beautiful women, her tan skin and her beautiful luscious brown hair that had soft curls on the hand resting on her shoulder, she had honey sweet lips that were so soft against mine as we stole a peck every now and then. She was the bravest, intelligent and kindest in her room which made me always question that someone as perfect as her could find anyone but instead settled for a man who had the body of a little boy with a list of disease bigger than his name. I had nothing to offer her yet she always looked at me like I was the most important thing that mattered in her life and she always made me feel so special as whenever I had gone to visit her college she would proudly flaunt me around as if I was the best thing that happened to her. But I was just a boy from Brooklynn leaving in a humble apartment in a torn our neighborhood studying arts, there was nothing special about me and there was not even anything likable about me.

I was always invisible to everyone and no one had any hope from me, I was just there ready to disappear into dust but Jocelyn, Bucky and their parents always told me that I was kind and I was special, his father even in what can be said the worst of days told me that the goodness in my heart was a gift to me by my mother. He told me that I could be a rich man, or I could be a good man, I could be feared or loved, I could threaten or be respected, I always choose to be like him a good man whom everyone loved and respected. A year earlier the relation about mine and Jocelyn were revealed when I did not want to lie any longer as my mother would have not appreciated it. Her parents were happy as they told me that they had always knew that we would have been together, but the only unhappy member was Bucky. He had burst into a fit of anger when I had told him and accused me of being insensitive to his feelings while I apologized for lying to him, but I could not say the same for the way I felt about Jocelyn. I told him that I loved her, and she made me feel genuinely happy, it took him a long time and finally he wrapped his head around the idea after a few months though I was strictly to never speak of my relationship in front of him. His relationship with Jocelyn worsens as they could never be in the same room and even when they were they were always at each other’s throat, it was very bad. Bucky would say the most mean thing and she would return it, one evening she had come to my door unannounced and completely drenched in the rain. I welcomed her inside to notice she was still in her nightwear as I placed my hands around her and she cried accusing Bucky of being the worst brother, she did not specify the reason of fight just that Bucky had told her that he wished she was never born and that made her slam the door on his face and she walked all the way to my home which was just some blocks away considered they again shifted. The financial condition was so bad and the competition was so steep with the war at the door it robbed them of everything, the only memory of their old life was their dresses that had started to fade and the car that had been completely broken and out of model to be resold. I consoled her letting her sleep on the sofa as her father came after some time taking her back home and thanking me. She often came and stayed at my house but that was never a concern for anyone because her parents had immense trust on me and I too though was very desperate to make her mind knew that it would be sinful before marriage we were to wait till we were married. She did not understand the idea because though she still visited the Church every Sunday with me yet she was a women of science and believed in theories. She did not question me because she loved me enough to wait but I did let myself off thinking about her several time and it was the best feeling in the world.

The world was crumbling, the country had entered the World War II, I and Bucky decided to enroll ourselves into the army, Jocelyn however always told me that with my health condition it would be difficult for me to enroll or even if I did then fight a war. We would sometime have a screaming match over it and that was one thing Bucky sided with her because he too felt that I was joining the war to continue to legacy of his father. He told that he would join the war in 107th infantry and continue the legacy of my father while I could stay back in his factory and live his legacy. It was not about legacy I felt terrible that young men every day laid their lives for the country while I could not be of any help, I was also aware of the Nazis and their torturous way of committing heinous crimes against the Jews. I wanted to be a part to stop the Nazis who were the biggest bullies of all time and people were losing their lives being send to concentration camp and their scientific research center Hydra was experimenting with powerful weapon which could be an end to humanity. I could not let that happen I knew I had to make a change and was determined to start to try enrolling myself for army the very next year. I sat around the table as we dined, and I wondered when would be the next time when we all would be together because Bucky would find his spot in army faster than me considering he was well build while I was a medicine shop. But I knew that I would join him in war sooner or later and till I do I had to just keep trying till they accept me for the army. The dinner was uneventful and a little tensed which always happened whenever Bucky and Jocelyn was in the same room, but her parents and I tried to keep the humor which failed soon and we converted into politics. Jocelyn who had her plans of studying further discussed about the same with her family as I looked at her with pride in my eyes and she announced being accepted into Howard while we all applauded her. Bucky did not but he did say something that erupted like a volcano, he looked directly into her eyes and said,

“Yes you can study as much as you want and be the perfect child prodigy Jacey dearie but you will end up all alone, you will live alone and you will die alone because you are a pretentious bitch”

The room boomed with her father’s voice who commanded Bucky to seek her forgiveness, but he simply looked at her, she had tears in her eyes while I stood to walk up to her but before I could she said to Bucky,

“You just cannot accept that he choose me, that he loves me and no matter what you do your little heart filled with all the darkness is just scattered and you can throw a tantrum but still he will never choose you, not because you are a man but because you are not worthy of his love. You are my brother, but he is my love and I don’t care if you spend your entire childhood loving Stevie hoping he would see you and love you. He did not and your pathetic try to join the army will make him love you Bucky."

I turned my attention to Bucky who stood up and banged her hands against the table and screamed at her,

“You are just a whore and when he sees through the miserable controlling slut that you are, he will leave you. Steve might not love me, but we will always be friends but once he sees you he will toss you aside like some rag doll and he will hate you.”

She did not say anything as she felt the rug under her being swept as all the others in the room were silent because for the first time, we all were aware that Bucky had romantic feelings towards me. It was too much for me to have my head wrapped around, I could not take time as I saw her standing up and rushing out of the door, I stood up to follow her instantly. I gave a last look to Bucky who had sat down trying to cut the meat violently trying to suppress his tears with his lips tightly shut. I rushed outside and down the stairs as I knew the place where she would visit when her heart would ache, it was their car that laid like a junk in the backyard of the apartment. I saw the end of her laced up pink dress hanging from the passenger seat and walked to her, I heard her sobbing as I walked up to her. She had her face in her hands as she continued to cry, I climbed over and sat beside her as I lay my hand on her shoulder. I remember that I had bought this dress she was wearing on her birthday; it was beautiful lace pink dress till her ankle and when I saw her tonight for the first time I was swayed away from her beauty. She always made my heart skip beat and my skin tingle, when she was in the room, she was my gravity and every time she smiled, I felt myself melted away. If she was not near, I would feel anxious and confused with her my heart was always at peace. I loved her and I cared about Bucky enough, but I could not save his heart to break her, she was my world who was crying and there was nothing I could do to pacify her. I finally said to her what was on my mind,

“I love you and yes Bucky being a man is not a reason why I choose you instead, I choose you because you make me feel like a superhero, you make me laugh, you inspire me and you care for me. I feel that you are the most precious girl in my life, and I have to protect you always, I see our future little doll. I just want you to give time to your brother because though we do not want still we have broken his heart and you know that he would never ever hate his little sister. He is just angry and in pain, he did not mean a word he said so doll don’t be upset because there is nothing that you do will ever make me leave you”

She looked at me and then suddenly she took the end of my blazer pulling my face against her as she smashed her lips into mine, I was confused for some time before realizing that she was kissing me. I snaked my hands around her waist pulling her closer as I let my tongue slowly guide her into my mouth while she graciously placed herself on my lap with her face smashing into mine. I took a fistful of her hair pulling her face closer as my tongue touched each corner of her mouth, I nibbled on her lower lips as she moaned my name. It drove me crazy as I pulled her dress further down from her chest pressing into the access of her breast as she continued to moan into my mouth driving me crazy with lust. I grew hard for her and I felt it hit her through layer as she separated her lips from mine trying to examine me, I knew it was all too new for her and she was not ready. I kissed her on her forehead and whispered to her that I would be leaving for my house now, she nodded understandingly and smiled at me. She got off me and we walked up to her apartment as I dropped her to her door because I needed time to confront Bucky and today was a heavy day already.

I went back home and though for some time he ignored me I got a hold of him in the factory where he began to apologize. I honestly told him that I did not understand his love but I was no one to judge, I told him that I was there with him till the end of the line. I told he had nothing to seek forgiveness for and also that neither I had anything to be sorry about. I told him I respected his feeling and I loved him as a friend but I loved his sister too much. I told him to share whenever he feels bad about us being together so that we can talk about it and he does not have to be in pain alone.

He understood me as he confessed that it was rude of him to behave in such a manner with Jocelyn promising to seek forgiveness from her. He told me that he had loved me since childhood and so to get over me could take decades, but he was happy as he felt that we both were perfect for each other. He told that the reason he always fought with Jocelyn was because he loves me too, but he would handle his feeling more positively. I hugged him as we promised to never hide anything from each other ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Eight: Steve feels depressed and hopeless about strategizing the attack against the Chitauri army. He realizes in the past he faced the same situation when he was constantly rejected by the army.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds himself in the dilemma to save his teammates and save earth at the same time. In past when after multiple attempts he was unable to enroll Bucky's father helped him regain his confidence while Jocelyn helped his cause. In present he decides to meet Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 8

2011, New Mexico

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

I sat on the edge of the pool with my eyes set on the depth of the still water, I waited for something and I did not know what was I waiting for but that stopped me from jumping into the pool and swimming my worries away. I was afraid and I was terrified of my upcoming future, I felt alone, and I felt unsafe, I was made the leader of this team which was my family now and I needed to protect them but I did not trust in myself. It had been a month since Loki had communicated to Thor that there was some unrest in the nine realms with abrupt wiping of half the population of planet with no clue as to the reason behind it. He also informed that there was a force of Chitauri army that had plans to attack Earth and that is all that we had regarding the attack that an alien force was planning to launch an attack on our planet.

Fury had trusted me to lead and even with being underground for so long we found ourselves completely lost, Thor was travelling the nine realm to find some clues while Tony almost never came out of his workshop trying to build the best of the technology to protect us from the attack. I was their leader who spend his day’s role playing with his girlfriend, trying to scrape useless information, I did not know how to protect them. This was an alien attack we were planning against with almost no information and no means to fight it, we were weak, and we would be defeated, we had nothing. I almost felt if it would be better to just run away to safety because in every possible scenario, we ended up being defeated, I did not want to discourage the team who had such high hopes for me. I had advised Clint and Natasha to remain in Thailand till their child was born because I promised them that I would fight heroic and even if we had to lose then we would lose together. I was the one who gave my words to Stephan to save his boyfriend at all cost and the one to command Peter to remain on the rescue mission during the attack. If anything happened to anyone then it would be on my account and I would be responsible, the last time I had such responsibility on my shoulder I let down everyone. I am not great at protecting people and that is the harsh reality, I know that if it came to me or anyone, I would let myself crawl over the other guy and this would happen to force I have confidence in defeating too. I felt the whole idea of fighting against alien to be idiotic and I knew like me most of them too understood the danger, yet they were willing to give up their lives fighting a losing battle and they had belief that I would guide them. They were clueless that I could not, I was not qualified for it and my super solider power could be of no use at all, I am good at throwing a punch at most, but this required something more powerful than any of us. I am not even the person who could protect someone close to him, Bucky lost his life because of me, I failed him and today I failed someone else too when I let Erik Selvig walk out of his office to never return. He might have been abducted, he might have ran away or joined our enemy but the truth was he was nowhere to be found in the radar and that all of the above possibility did not terrify me but the thought to pass his news of demise to Jane and Thor made me feel that I was struck in my past again. The Avengers when the news was shared sympathized with me while Sharon tried to assure me that there was nothing that I could have done, yes, there is nothing that I can do to save them. I am just a weak man, I cannot fight them and as I sit here in the pool contemplating if I should run away and loose myself in the crowd from this fight to escape the guilt of leading my team into their death I suddenly remembered a piece of advice an old man had given me that carried me through my best battles.

I had found myself in a helpless situation as such even in the past when even after innumerous test that I appeared for enrolling myself in the army I was met with defeat. I was never selected, sometimes they would not even look at my application and just see a skinny little man reminding me I was not enough. I really needed someone to belief in me at that time, but Bucky was just happy in my failure, he did not mean to but he felt that I was trying to prove myself and follow the legacy of my death father. He loved me and did not want to see me die, he loved me but we never spoke of it after that day in his factory neither did his family, it was like that whole week never happened, because denial was easier than fighting for the right thing. Bucky also felt that if he ever had to fight for his right to love against his family and society it should have been for me alone, we were back to our old ways and unfortunately so did his relationship with Jocelyn. They still made each other stand on their shoes but the layer of bitterness and hatred was slowly lifting off because she even agreed with Bucky about my safety. She too felt it was unsafe for me to join the army and though she never admitted but every time I came with rejection I could see her sign in relief, she tried to talk me out of it several time because she thought she was protecting me but all I ever wanted was for her to belief in me. There is a strange thing about that sometimes faith comes from the person you are least expecting it from, it happened so the day Bucky was accepted into the army and was supposed to be send off for the war in a week time. It had been a year since I was trying and was rejected, I had taken up a job as an art teaching assistant in the college that I was studying in while Bucky appeared for just some and yet he was accepted, I hated but I was a little jealous of him. It was my dream to join the army and yet I was failing everyday miserably, no one believed in me and it made me feel that I might have to just settle for being an art teacher because I could never fight the society. I congratulated Bucky whole heartedly as I sat by the corner of their apartment looking at his letter, I watched someone else ghost around that small apartment and it was his father. While his mother and Jocelyn set the dining table rejoicing in the news his father had masked his worries for his son’s life with a neutral expression, he after walking around aimlessly for a little while sat by my side, he smiled at me as he said absentmindedly,

“I cannot wait for you to get your letter Steve because at least then I would be at peace knowing that my boys are protecting each other”

I chuckled at his innocence as I looked at him and said,

“I am never going to get the letter”

“Why? Are you not enrolling yourself anymore son?”

“It does not matter because they will never accept me, I am never going to be qualified enough and I have too many diseases and incapability holding me back. It is better if I settle on being an art teacher because not every dream is meant to be fulfilled”

He looked at my face with a puzzled expression and then smile saying,

“So, you are afraid of being rejected and so settling for your safe option”

“I am not afraid, I just know that no one believes in me and I think it is time I accept the fact that we need the most powerful men to fight for our country and I am just a liability,” I replied a little irritated as he did not take offence. His eyes grew warm as that smile disappeared into his face but he kept a hand on my shoulder and said,

“This are not your words; you have been pushed to believe so and I empathize with you but I do not understand you. Son you think you are incapable of fighting the war then let me tell you of a friend of mine, a real gem of a person with whom I fought shoulder to shoulder during the war. It so happened that one day his left leg blew off right in front of me, everything below the knee completely squashed and mixed with dust. He screamed in agony as my Captain ordered some of us to help his body to the nearest dispensary, but that son of a bitch screamed at anyone who came near him. He continued to fight, to heavily fire at the opponents and only when he felt the danger averted, he left his post. He was sent off the very next day with a permanent disability to prevent him from fighting anymore but if that man had lost his post we all might have never made out of the day alive. Imagine Steve a man whose leg has been completely blown off, the pain he has and the inadequacy he was in yet he fought because he believed he could, it is all in yourself. They tell you that you cannot because they do not see you, I do son and you have everything that it takes to be a solider, to lay down so that someone can crawl over you and you are brave more than Jocelyn, Bucky or any man I have ever come across so do not disappoint me. You have to keep trying son and you have to force them to see you especially when they do not want to”

I felt inspired but the question still lingered, and I blurted it out,  
“But I am so sick, I have so many things that they will not even let me enroll myself. I am just a boy from Brooklynn who is too weak to survive on normal circumstances wanting to fight a war”

“I am just a shoemaker selling shoe to a world that needs gun, it does not matter where you come from but if you are determined enough your life will take care where you want to go”

I understood him and it felt empowering to have someone believe me as I asked him one last question,

“Jocelyn and Bucky, do not believe in me and they have known me forever so how I will convince the whole world if my two closest people do not believe in me”

“I am going to let you out on a secret, I do not want you or Bucky to even join the war because I had been there, and I know how horrid it can go. I am scared and I am allowed to be afraid because you both are my kids but I cannot project my fear on you kids, you are the decision maker of your life and though it is horrible yet I cannot protect you from the world. I know Jocelyn is having a difficult time with her PhD, I know the class she is teaching is a male class who do not have faith in a woman to teach them theories of physics. Her colleagues are rude to her as the only female professors in the university are of Arts, some are very senior to her and while others are married with family. The only two way the world is ready to see a woman in, I know she dreads every beginning of the week because she has to prove herself all over again the entire week. You know the advice I give her when she wants to quit, she should not. She has nothing to prove because the men discriminating her are doing so because of her gender and until she herself is ashamed of it there is nothing to prove. I asked her to pay attention to her research and a job as a teaching, the one’s opposing her do not even need her attention and she should never lose the trust in her. I know she might be questioned throughout her life and discriminated against because of her being a women, I see Bucky doing it as a taunt and I can imagine the entire world being harsher to her but to let herself be cornered by them is no option at all, I enjoy when she replies Bucky’s taunt. I know my boy means no harm, but he needs that, last week she told off a student in her class who was behaving rudely and that is when I realized that she will fight it. I just wish Bucky shared her courage, he is too painful to himself and that is why he is bitter towards another, I wish he could accept himself keeping everything else at bay that way my son would start to grow”

I nodded my head understanding that his father did not share the conservative view of the society but at the same time he was not going to fight any of our battles it had to be us. I felt determined and strong, I knew that I had to give my best honestly if that day we did not share the conversation then I would have had given up on my dream. We had our dinner as I bide everyone goodnight and Jocelyn walked me down the stairs, I kissed her cheek wishing her goodbye mentioning that I would not be able to spend the evening the next day with her as I had prepare myself for another test on Monday. I told her that I was planning to lie on the application and apply from every state till I was rejected by every state in the country, she looked furious as she screamed at my face saying I was being stupid and it could land me in jail. I knew she had more words to say but I held her shoulder as I looked into her eyes and said,

“I love you doll, but this is something that I want to do, you can either support me or else not but I will try my every best to fulfill my dream. I will not hold it against you if you are not supporting me I will understand that you love and are scared for me but doll I am going to do this.”

I kissed her lightly on her lips as for the first time in my life when she was projecting her fear I did not listen quietly pretending to understand her so that it ends but replied to her establishing my stand to her. I did not know how it happened but the next morning I found her early at my doorsteps with bags in both her hands, I opened my eyes and she welcomed herself placing the bags which were filled with books on the table. She kept her hands on her waist and told me,

“We have to strategize, you are been hold back by your physical inability but war is not alone won by them, I know you have diseases longer than your name but they are not going to pull you down anymore. You are a compassionate and caring man who has sincerity towards his nation that is everything. So, I have some books on war and war strategies some by people who were great adviser never to fight a single war by themselves but needless winning them, I need you to read them, live through them and understand them. You brain Stevie is always on fire and use that fire to fight, also I have prepared a way to establish your strength which will not interfere with your disease. Now do not waist a single moment and start preparing solider, we have many states to cover and you have a war to win.”

I kissed her forehead as her face grew red and she smiled goofily losing her entire strict demeanor to me, she was adorable as I placed my hands on her waist caressing her face with my fingers as she looked up at me. I nodded with pride to have her by my side as I kissed her one last time before entering the world of her books again. I started to prepare from that one lazy Sunday morning and though I saw less of her because whenever she visited either I studied or I concentrated on building my physical strength to the best possible way my body could take, I started to enroll using different places but I had encountered the same failure. It did not discourage me and so when finally, during my enrolment the officer in charge told that he was saving me I told him,

“I would rather die fighting than be protected, I came here because I felt that this was the enrolment for men willing to give their life for the country not because I felt I will be judged on things that are holding me back. The Nazi seem undefeated right now, yet I see our country fighting in spite of even our country having a bleak chance at winning. All I am asking is for a chance”

I could see something in him shift as he scribbled something in the paper informing me to visit that person tonight at the Stark Expo, it was the biggest technology fair of the century. It was held by a new inventor whose company was supplying advanced weapon in the country and he was revealing himself to the world tonight along with more advanced technology. I thanked him as I walked out feeling a change in the air, I felt that it was going to be my day and as I bought the ticket to the theatre I decided to give a piece of my mind to the young strong build man who kept interrupting the message by the army. He took the fight outside and that day I had been fallen but I stood up every time looking into his face not letting myself give up, I could do this all day. I even tried to threaten him with a dustbin cap, but he only left me after being beaten by Bucky who had promised to meet me after the movie. He had spotted us on the ally and helped me, as we walked back, he handed me his official letter letting me know that his training was completed, and he would be joining the war from the next day. He was in a complete military uniform, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th Infantry Regiment, this was our last night together. He questioned as to how we would spend it and I told him we should visit the Stark Expo, he joked that he would get himself and me a date.

It had been a good day that day and though I met Erskine that night who had actually given me a chance to believe in my dream, I had started to believe myself way back. Today as I look at my helpless situation maybe this is exactly the thing I need to do believe in myself, they might be alien, forces I have never reckoned with and I might not be qualified enough but I am not the one to give up just yet. I just need to strategize and more than that I must believe in myself and everyone around me, it must start with allowing to give a chance to Peter as well. I have many things to do but the first thing that I needed to do was arrange a meeting with Loki, finally to see him as a person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Nine: Steve meets with Howard again and then he is allowed to enroll by Dr. Erskine. Jocelyn proposes Steve for marriage before he leaves for the camp.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve is allowed to enroll as he meets with Howard who is the weapon manufacturer and distributor for the USA army. He have his first sexual intercourse with Jocelyn and before he leaves for the camp she proposes for marriage to him and he accepts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic

Chapter 9

1943, Brooklyn

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

It was a magical evening and everything about the technology fair was brilliant and bright, it was an insight into the future. The most shocking part of the evening had been when I and Bucky stood among the crowd in front of the huge stage where the man of the hour finally unveiled himself. He was Howard Stark, the inventor who provided with his latest weapons to our army, the owner of Stark Industries which was started before few years and by now was soaring in success. He looked order than the last time we had met him when he had given us a lift at the back of his freezing truck when we were in school, that boy had truly done the unexceptional and achieved his dreams. I looked at Bucky with our eyes amazed to see the wheels of fortune turned for him while he demonstrated the flying car of future unsuccessfully, it made me feel proud of him as that boy who spoke of his future animatedly had finally achieved it. This gave me hope for myself and so when I dropped Bucky off at the bus stand, he mocked me against doing anything stupid while I replied that he was taking away all the stupidity, we hugged each other as I wished him well. The moment he stepped on the bus I called out to him warning that he must not win the war until I come back and I saw him smile. After that I decided to unfold the paper given to me and there was just one name on it, Dr. Abraham Erskine.

I stumbled my way through the crowd to the military tent that was taking in volunteers, I asked the officer for the form, but he was a difficult one to budge. He kept repeating to me harshly that these forms were for volunteer for some special program for which I could not qualify, I at first tried to patiently talk him through it but he kept being an absolute pain. I was ready to throw a punch at him but instead he pushed me and I almost felt had a strong arm not held my body against crashing on the ground. I was helped up to realize it was Howard looking furiously at the officer, he walked up to that dimwit intimidating him into giving me a form, I thanked him as he sheepishly smiled confessing about the first time we had met. I acknowledged and told that I discussed the same with Bucky, he seemed eager to meet Bucky and when I mentioned that he had already left, Howard said he would make it a point to meet him once he reaches the military camp. I asked him of his love interest and he informed that they had planned to be married after the war though he faced a loss when his uncle passed away forcing him to step out of his comfortable job and starting his own company. He asked me of Dolores to which I felt embarrassed and informed about Jocelyn, he teased me about it before wishing me luck for my test, I could see in his eyes that he wanted to wait but even during our conversation he was repeatedly called by people. We bide each other luck and goodbye as I was seated in the tent being examined by a nurse and guarded by two army men, I waited for a while before the doctor entered the tent. We introduced ourselves as he informed that he was a German biochemist and physicist who worked with Hitler’s scientific research center, Hydra for a while but then ran away from them. He had been working for Strategic Scientific Research since, he had doubted remorse from me because of his German background but instead I honestly answered that Jocelyn would have been happier to meet him. We walked by the tent to a make shift camp by the edge of the fair as he informed me that he had followed all my attempts to enlist along with the speech I had earlier given, he looked at me and asked me in finality if I was scared of death. I nodded that I was terrified of death, but I would be more scared to live my life knowing that a crude power like Hitler was in the world and there was nothing that I did it to prevent him. He studied my face for a while before calling in his assistant whispering something into her ear, she returned after a minute with an envelope which was handed to me. I looked at him confused as he said to me that I should sharply meet him tomorrow at this very spot to board my bus to Camp Lehigh, my training would start from the next day. I wanted to jump up and down in excitement but instead I shook hands on it as I raced my way back to Jocelyn, her family was in a little depressing mood to have their son finally be send off to war. They had just sat themselves down for dinner when the heard me thumping loud on their door and it was Jocelyn to open greeting me, I hugged her as I wrapped my lips around her. I found my hands on her waist as my lips took in her greedily, I breathed through her with my tongue exploring her each corner, it took her a while but soon I found her hands behind my neck and her tongue greeting me halfway. We were interrupted by the sound of cough as we instantly separated to realize we had kissed in front of her parents; our face grew red as I felt my ear burn but I still did not let go off her hand. I pulled her with me and then finally announced that I was enlisted, the whole ambiance of the room changed instantly as I was hugged, patted on my back flooded with kisses on my cheek by her mother this time. We laughed with excitement and barely got through dinner as I answered the question to my enlistment journey as much as I had information about it, her father seemed very proud of me and kept reminding me that I was a good man. Jocelyn asked for their permission to spend the night with me so she could help me pack for the morning and the accepted, they were reluctant at first to permit their eighteen year old daughter spend the night with her twenty five year old boyfriend but the permitted her to go. She was never defined by her physical age, she was way mature and older than that, she was doing her master’s in physics working her way into her second PhD and also being a teaching assistant. The newspaper covered her every now and then but she was a women so her achievement was always sidetracked, also the world had been focused on the war for the past two years.

She quickly disappeared into her room asking me to wait for her as I did her father approached me and I thought I would have to endure an uncomfortable lecture about sex and protection but instead he handed me a compass, it was old and scratched. He told me that it had protected him during his time in the war and it would guide me too, I thanked him graciously as I hugged him and could feel his tears on my shirt. He told that he was proud to have his son serving the nation and I thanked him for being my father figure, I had never met my father, but I always had a father. Jocelyn reappeared soon with a bag in her hand as I wished her parents goodbye and they wished me luck for my future. We walked the few blocks to my house in peace under the night sky filled with stars, we held each other’s hand and did not speak a word. As we reached my apartment, she sprinted towards my bedroom pulling out my clothes and packing them in the bag as she kept listing out things that I would not indulge myself in during my time in the camp. Her very important priority was that I did not make acquaintance with any other female, I smiled as I sat on the bed watching her fudge and mockingly asked would the rule apply if I met someone like her. She shot me a look that reminded me such jokes would not be entertained by her, she had this crazy imagination where someone else would steal me away from her. I convinced her that there was absolutely no one in the entire universe who would want me and I did not even know why she would want me in the first place, she was brilliant and so beautiful. She was a dream always dressing in floral print or bright color, her hair bouncing on her shoulder and her eyes of hazelnut shade, she would smile, and room would brighten up. She was breathe taking and everyone knew about it whereas I was nobody, yet she always saw treated me that I was her most prized possession and not the other way around. She unpacked her bags and took out some more books transferring them into mine suggesting me to read them and she placed a picture of herself on top of everything while I held her hand. She looked at me, I took that tiny picture away and fetched the compass out of my pocket placing her picture on it. She smiled as her eyes brimmed with tears, she sat beside me as I held her hands, and she turned towards me as I told her,

“My dear little doll remembers that whenever I close my eyes while I am unsure, scared or knowing that it is my last moment I would be thinking of you, because it is always you.”  
She looked at my face before looking away again and I could hear her little sobs, I smiled and stood up saying,

“Come on now doll I will take you to the stars”

She smiled realizing that I was referring to the terrace of the downtrodden building which she loved so much because from there the entire city lines could be seen and at night if someone lay on their back then they would be covered with a blanket of stars. I had mentioned it to her and promised to take her there someday and that night we finally went, the lock on the door was very easy to prick and for some moment I saw her wondered about in amusement of a child before she came and sat beside me. I looked her beautiful face where the rays from the stars and streetlamp hit differently, she smiled at me making my heart go warm, and I placed my hand on her cheek as we bought our faces closer to each other. We felt our breathe hitched together before our lips met again, I took in her lips softly again trying to taste every corner of her mouth while my hands wiped away the tears from her face. She kissed me as I felt her smile against my mouth, we parted our lips finally as I placed wet kisses behind her ear, that sweet spot which she loved so much. She moaned my name in pleasure as I repeated it with both her ear and by the time I had reached her neck she already had a fistful of my hair in her hand pushing my face closer to her skin. I kissed them wet before sucking on the side of her neck leaving deep marks and claiming her mine, that night I did not decide to leave my marks on place she could hide I just wanted every inch of her body covered by my marking. I pulled the unbuttoned her white blouse as I moved my lips all over her collar bone, she shuddered in my presence holding to my shoulder as she kissed my hair. I let my hands on her breast releasing them from her bra which at first was very difficult but with practice made it easier, I took her right breast into my mouth nibbling on it before sucking it while I felt her hand undo all the button of my shirt. I felt the cold air hit my body but I was too distracted tasting her delicious breast, my hand cupped her breast so that the they could fit into my mouth, while I repeated the same with her. I left them both swollen and with marks, while I parted a little to look at her face, she then placed her hand on my shoulder slightly pushing me below as I slept on my back, she climbed over me placing her lips over my chest while I held on her waist tightly. She soaked my entire chest and then abdomen wet with kisses as she sucked on my sides lightly but enough to leave mark, she rolled the tip of her tongue all over my torso and specially on my sides, that always drove me crazy. I was having the best time when suddenly I felt her unbuckle my belt and then start to unbutton my pants, I looked at him because we never had gone so far but she looked back at me ensuring me she was comfortable if I was, I smiled and then she pushed herself lower as her hands pulled the pants down to my ankle. I felt her soft lips on my inner thigh as her tongue circled each part once, I felt the tip of her fingers tracing all over my balls, I could feel everything at once. My heart breathe rapidly as I felt tingled all around my body my eyes plastered on the sky as I moaned her name the moment her lips circled around my erected dick, her tongue rolled all over it till it was wet as she opened her mouth and sucked them painfully slowly. She took them all at once and then out again to feel air, I felt amazing and wanted more of this feeling, she sped up as she dug her nails into the skin of my inner thigh for support as she sucked my dick till the very end. I could feel it hit her throat as her mouth was filled with it, yet she did not detach her lovely lips from it, her head went up and down rapidly as I moaned her name loudly. She only left when I had realized a little pre-cum into her mouth, she looked at me and breathlessly whispered to me,

“Stevie, I want you”

I did not wait to listen anymore as I held her waist and flipped her over as I climbed over her, she giggled as I took command while my mind was filled with all the intense thing that I would make her feel, to have her completely. I almost tore the skirt off her waist as I looked at her and told her she was beautiful, I loved her so much. I pulled her panties down next as my index finger of right hand traced over the opening of all already wet clitoris, with another free hand I rested them on her breast squishing them lightly at first. I entered her with my index finger slowly as I saw her eyes fixed on me before, I added another finger as I moved in inside and out slowly, she begged me to take her in. I smirked and added another finger into her commanding her to let me know if she felt like she would burst, she nodded her head and with three fingers in her I pushed them inside as far I could to feel be hit by a wall. I pulled them out and pushed it again, I continued the process as my fingers grew slippery with her wet vagina and I saw her roll her eyes at the back of her head in pleasure. I continued the assault faster in a desperate attempt to break the barrier and reach her completely as she moaned my name and finally said she would explode. I smiled as I took my dick in my hand and placed it on her entrance, I looked at her and asked her if she would be ready to which she gave me her consent and I slowly pushed my dick inside her as I felt it take up every space in her vagina. I entwined my fingers with hers as I took her hands above her head, I bend over so that we could face each other and then pushed myself completely in, she breathed my name. I pulled myself and then pushed myself inside out again in a more forceful manner, I repeated the attempt till the time I felt her teeth digging into my shoulder and the wall break completely. I smiled at her as she looked at me with tears of joy in her eyes and I pulled myself out only to be inside her again with huge force reaching a spot in her that made her take the God’s name in vain. I throbbed into her faster and harder each time, till she moaned my name and rested her head on my shoulder, I knew she was done but I just needed a little more. I sat a little up as I took her legs to one side of my shoulder and placed my dick inside her while my hands wrapped around her neck, I did not strangulate her just applied her a little pressure as I entered her with a huge thud, I felt her entire body shiver as I repeated the process a few more time till I realized myself completely into her. I saw her eyes filled with tears as I undo myself from her and laid beside her, I kissed her forehead as I extended my arms for her to place her head on it while I slept on the pile of the discarded clothes. She ran her fingers all over my chest as I kissed her forehead again and again, we spoke of a future after war of a family and somewhere in middle of a debate about having a boy or girl child she dozed off into sleep. I kissed her lips one last time before letting myself fall asleep with her closely snuggled against my body, I felt calm and I felt peaceful.

We woke up with the first ray of sun as we got dressed, walked down to our apartment cleaned ourselves again and though we wanted yet our body was still very tired to again have sex. So instead we just bath together while I cleaned her and she kissed me letting the water wash away her tears, my little doll was being so tough on herself so that we could be strong together. We had our breakfast as I handled all my keys to her and she promised to take care of my apartment for me, we sat on the bus stand as I waited for the bus that would take me to the place of fair where I would meet the doctor and leave for the camp. We did not speak scared to break into tears, but she viewed the bus approaching as she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said she loves me, I told her that I loved her too. We stood up and suddenly she went down on one knee, I looked at her confused as she asked with my tears in her eyes,

“Everyone in this world is made for someone and I am made for you, my soulmate. I love you so much and I want to spend my every breathing second with you. When I think of life I think of you and I have fought my entire life to be yours and now that I finally have you as mine I realized that you are special and I am so fortunate to have you in my life. Steven Grant Rogers will you please make me the luckiest girl in the whole world and marry me?”

I picked her up as I let tears fall from my eyes complaining that she should have let me propose to her for marriage and then nodded my head in acceptance. She hugged me and we shared one last quick kiss and right before boarding the bus I promised to marry her once my six months training was over and she nodded in a tearful yes. I boarded the bus as I looked at her, she stood there with a bright smile on her face. I had thought that the six months would be painfully long to pass but surprisingly they were just painful, on my first day I was introduced to Col. Chester Phillips, and British agent Peggy Carter, while one was confused at my admission the other wanted me to prove everyone wrong becoming one of my best friend. The training hour were long and tedious, I was behind every obstacle and was often bullied by the other men, every time I fell they mocked at me saying I did not belong there but every night I slept with the sweet memories of Jocelyn giving me strength for the very next day again. Peggy was also underestimated at first when one volunteer mocked her British accent to which she replied with a punch, I smiled for the first time in the camp because I was reminded of the very first day Jocelyn had punched the guy at her school. Peggy and I interacted for the first time after three months when one day I won a challenge of bringing down a flag from the pole by unscrewing it. The reward was to ride back with her which I desperately needed or else I would have to crawl back, that was the time she said that it was very clever of me. The next time I saw her looking at me with pride was when a dummy grenade was launched at us and I threw myself over it, I felt at that time for it to be a real grenade. I did not wait to reevaluate my action I just did what I felt was the right thing to do and I had seen her smiling at me that day. The months went by and finally the day came when we would go back home for the weekend and come back to have our lives completely changed, we were going to be the very first batch of super solider the meaning of which at that time to me was to be given some drugs to perform better at the war. I was the first in line and I was very excited, but a happier and more important event was waiting for me back home.

Jocelyn had been sending me letter planning our wedding and though Bucky could not make it yet he had send his best wishes for us, before my life would be changed and I would go for a war fulfilling my dream I had to be married to the love of my life. It had been her dream to be married to me and before fulfilling my dream it was time to fulfil her dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Ten: Steve meets with Loki. Steve recalls his life in the camp and he meets with Peggy. He confesses about the procedure to Jocelyn and she decides to marry him anyway.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve meets with Loki and he feels uneasy with him. In the past his time in the camp was tough but he kept a strong face. He comes back home before the procedure as the happy couple proceed to their happy days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 10

2012, Stuttgart

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

I had given my attendance to many gala in the 1940s but nothing compared to the one I was a guest to that evening, I had also made myself comfortable with many social events of the 21st century and also nothing was exactly normal with Tony it was either extravagant or nothing at all. He did have his exception when it came to family matters, kept them as quite as possible and I had been living with him for almost two years yet never got to opportunity to meet the clan completely always missing his eldest, Anastasia. I could say the same for Thor‘s family but it had changed that evening because his brother had scheduled to meet me in the gala that evening, Loki as Tony had described was a diva, he was all about the opening night, he was a full-tilt diva who wanted to always be showered with flowers and greeted with parades. The reason Tony had mocked the God of Mischief was because since the very first they met there was battle of sass between the two of them, not to mention Loki always made a dramatic entrance and everything about him was always under so many layers.

Tony never confided it in anyone but me, he always was on guards with Loki as he had felt that there was something that he could not understand, he had told me that Loki was an ally but for how long was a lingering question in his mind. He had been the leader of the team before me but could not react on his judgement because of all the help the brothers had provided to defend Earth. He would have kept his judgement with him had Loki not offered to meet me in Stuttgart all alone that is when I was burdened with the new information, I knew I had to be careful but to meet him was an absolute priority. I walked around aimlessly in the crowd of unknown faces trying to relax the knot of my tie which suffocated me through my white silk shirt, my pants were a little more tight that I preferred and my blazer did not allow me to roll my shelves up. This was the second time in my entire life to wear a tuxedo and during the first time the feeling of uncomfortableness was subsided because of a bigger event happening that day. I had been here for almost an hour and was almost convinced that my guest would not show up, I turned my back to walk away when I felt a unruly presence in the air, I scanned the room and spotted him. He was in a black well fitted suit, his hair short neatly cut and of dirty blonde color, he had a champion bottle in one of his hand as he walked towards me with a smirk. His eyes for a moment was of dark emerald shade and in the next moment of dark black, I understood instantly that he had glamour himself to fit into the crowd and he did it so graciously. He walked towards me like a royalty with such confidence that would make any other spectator sure that he owned everything and everyone in this room. He stood in front of me matching my height though he had his muscle leaner than mine as he extended his long bony fingers and said in a voice that could cut through the finest material,

“I am William Thomas and you must be Christopher Robert, I had been waiting for you. Please follow me and must I say that the beard looks very well on you just the way I would have imagined a soldier, a man out of time,” he whispered the last part out in an icy manner.

I followed him quietly as I kept thinking of his last line, I wandered if he had some underlying meaning to it and something in me screamed at me to be ready for a fight that man whom I was following to a deserted courtyard did not give me the energy that he would not murder me bare hand if he could. This was something I had devoted a lot of thought and time into, studying a body language to predict their future attack and move so the same thing told me that Loki had some unresolved issue and even though he looked over his shoulder to smile I could not be at ease. I finally stopped in my tracks and announced,

“I want to know more of this alien attack and everything that you can inform us about fighting against them”

He turned towards me and walked till we were inches apart, he looked into my eyes and with a sincere expression said to me,

“I've seen worlds you've never known about! I have grown, Odin's Son, in my exile! I have seen the true power of the Tesseract but you my Captain know everything of power and the Tesseract, you have already encountered it once before you lost everything, so if you are asking for my advice then all I have to say is the fight is being bought to you because they know of your weakness, I suggest you give up on this mad conquest of power to protect all and only then will we all be truly saved, you ask me for war strategies and I tell you when we win a war no one speaks of all that we lost. I tell you to be with your girlfriend and to forget all of your past, I am telling you that you will obviously win against them but I suggest you do not fight, I tell you that in an hour or so they will join us as distinguished guest in an attempt to steal the Iridium but you should return to your quarters and call for the Tinman instead because you cannot protect yourself”

The anger and confusion in me burst through my veins as my hands found them on his neck and strangulating him with all my strength while holding his body a few feet above the ground as I gritted my teeth and asked,

“Protect myself from what?”

“Power”

He replied and vanished into thin air while I stood there with nothing in my hands, I was dazed for a few moments before finding my momentum, I was right Loki was hiding something grave and dangerous within himself. I walked inside as I alerted my senses to look for everything unnatural and finally found my target, I followed them and they lead me exactly to the room that held the Iridium, they tried to open the lock by pulling out their weapon but before they could I attacked them with mine which was developed by Tony and Thor both and so within three seconds the group of four men who were aliens in disguised melted away into ashes without a trace of them ever existing in the very first place. I looked up smiling at the surveillance camera knowing well that Harley was on the other side manipulating the record of this evening as I walked away and sat in my car ordering my driver to take me to the airport. I finally loosened my tie and placed it on my pocket closing my eyes, yearning for myself to find some rest before being assisted to another mission and get rid of my beard obviously. I closed my eyes to relax but all those words kept ringing in my ears, Loki did not want me to fight but why? He said that I could not handle power but for him to have that information meant he knew someone who knew me but everyone that knew me are death. Howard, Bucky and Jocelyn are all long gone so where did he get this new piece of information for, he was a new threat and I knew everything would not be as easy as it was with Tony. I always had a struggle with power because half my life I did not have it and the second half I did, both time ended in a disaster but that one night before everything changed was blissful the only time when I did not yearn for more and was content, the night of my marriage.

I had informed Erskine of my marriage but surprisingly he did not greet me with glee but with caution, he finally confronted that the procedure was more than mere steroids they were chemicals which was a part of experiment that could either tear every bone and tissues in my body or build me into something supernatural with all my flaws gone and making me the strongest of all. There was a nice ring to it being the strongest of all, having so much of power and to have everything I ever wanted, I always wanted to be strong enough and this was my chance even if it meant risking my life but Jocelyn deserved to know the truth as if after the procedure I returned in a coffin or in something she did not accept then it would be on my conscience. I was received by her at the bus stop as she wrapped herself around me with her tears on my neck as I ran my fingers through her hair and confessed that I missed her so much, she looked at me with her lips quivering as I soon minimalized the distance and kissed her senselessly. I did miss her and the only thought that got through me the tedious six months were of her, her hands found their place on the back of my neck as I placed my hands on her waist pulling her even closer. She gasped as she felt me hard as I maintained a distant fearing, we might have attracted an audience as she smiled gleefully, and my face turned red. I picked my duffle as I followed her inside my apartment which took me breathe away, all the walls where the wallpaper came off or were damaged by pipes were covered with my artwork that was kept inside shelves for days. The curtains were changed into some light material that let the sunshine through and every material in it was colorful, she breathed life into this apartment. She fetched me a glass of water as she animatedly spoke of everything she missed in her letters, she told me of all the arrangement she had made for the wedding next day which was intimate in the church with only her parents. We both wanted a small marriage because Bucky was not in attendance and with so many catastrophes happening it did not feel like a joyous occasion, we did plan on celebration after the war though she was adamant in having a wedding dress and a dance with her father. I agreed happily to the idea as I would not miss a chance to see her twirling in white, she had been wrapping her mother’s lace around her hair playing bride ever since she was a child, I could not take it away from her. I sat on the sofa as I watched her busied in the kitchen to be back with a warm bowl of soup, she placed it near me as she sat on my lap studying my face. She moved her finger tenderly all over my face trying to understand the wounds and scar while her free hand was entwined in mine, her face fell as she asked me,

“They were bad to you, weren’t they?”

“A little at first but eventually they warmed up to me, no one can resist my charm doll specially when I jumped in front of a grenade for them”

“You jumped in front of a grenade?” she said with her eyes wide as I regretted the same but quickly managed to cover it up by saying,

“It was a dummy just something to test us, it was the second test that I aced the first being pulling down a flag from the pole that earned me a ride with Madam Carter”

“Who is Madam Carter?”

“Oh! She is the very best my doll, so brave and never letting anyone talk her down. She is an absolute inspiration, she defies anyone who tries to discriminate her against her gender. If we ever have a daughter love I would want her to grow up like her”

I saw her untangle herself from my lap as she walked around the apartment in an attempt to tidy while mumbling that she was excited to know about Peggy, I took the soup eating it heartedly as I kept rambling all about Peggy and Erskine, I occasionally asked her of Bucky and her parents but not for once did I ask her about herself. This is something that happens often when someone gives their all to us and we grow greedy just to take it all in never returning anything, it happens in small dozes as I had started that day ignoring the fact that like my life even her had changed in the six months having both her brother and boyfriend in the war must have taken a toll which should be self-explanatory considering she asked often about the ending of the war, she wanted us both home. I was too observed by my new changes in life to understand her and that was beginning of me being consumed by my power, I kept filling her in of every detail about Peggy that entertained me and suddenly she stopped in her tracks looking at me sadly saying,

“Stevie you have so many changes in your life and I am not a part of any, I am happy for you because this was all ever you wanted and I am really glad you are getting your dream come true but just promise me again love you will never break my heart”

As she said so I realized she was insecure about Peggy but it made me feel with confidence that there was Jocelyn who loved me beyond everything and then back in camp there was Peggy who extended a branch to me, so maybe I was not that pathetic as I always thought of myself to be. I was desirable to an extent that I had two of them fighting for me, it made my heart fill with joy as I laughed and assured her that I would always be her which I truly meant at that time. She nodded her head as she came and kissed me on my forehead wishing me goodbye as she needed to go home and prepare for the next day. I held her hands as I looked into her eyes and said,

“I do still need to get cleaned up and it would be very sad if I had to do it all alone”

I saw her eyes fill with twinkle as her cheek filled with the brightest shade of red, I stood up as I looked her as I kissed her forehead, and she informed that she would draw the water while I fished out the condom from my duffle bag. The first ever lecture received on the camp was on the use of proper protection, I walked inside my bedroom to see her blue and white dot dress folded and settled on top of my bed. I smiled as I undressed myself and stepped inside the already open bathroom to see her standing there with her back to me, the small window on the top let the rays by the setting sun on her frame. She had nothing in her as her hair was tied in a bun, her round little bubble butt was the cutest thing I had ever seen, her waist had lost some good quality of mass making them more curvaceous, I closed the distance as I stood right behind her breathing into the back of her ear her tingle. I touched her shoulder and lightly turned her towards me, her head still rooted to the ground as I placed a finger under her chin lifting her head up, she looked at me as we closed our lips and explored each other’s mouth. I picked her legs and wrapped them around my waist, as I placed my lips on neck kissing and nibbling them, she wrapped her hands on my shoulder slamming her body against mine. I understood the urgency in her body as I untangled her legs and made her stand, she looked at me with a puzzled expression as I turned her behind again, I took the condom and wrapped the rubber around my already hard dick. I asked her to bend over and she did by putting both her hands on the wall of the bathroom for support, I positioned myself at her already wet entrance with my hands on her waist. I wanted to take her in slow but patience in me was also running slow as I let myself pound into her hard and fast, she grasped my name out as I forced my fingers almost into her waist. We both breathed heavily as I felt my dick fill her wet vagina completely hitting a spot in her that made her moan my name loudly with pleasure, I could see her enormous breast shake violently as I entered and existed her vagina begging for me to touch and play with them, I knew they had to wait till I was done. It took a lot longer than before but finally I felt myself release as she screamed my name for the last time when I entered her, she turned towards me as rested her arms on my shoulder for support, our sweat clad body wrapped around each other as I kissed her forehead reminding her she was beautiful and I missed her so much. It took me a little while but I cleaned us and then after draping us dry I took her by her hand following into the bed, I slept on the pillow lending my arms again which she took and snuggled closer to me. I pulled the blanket over us as the sky darkened outside, the curtains did little help with reflecting the streetlamps but we preferred to stay in the dim lighted room as my fingers found themselves on her breast encircling them as she breathed into my chest. Suddenly I felt that I needed to tell her and break the silence with the news I had kept with myself for so long, I finally let myself say,

“My dear doll, I have to confess that when I return to the camp I will undergo a procedure that can either kill me or transform me by some permanent change so I just wanted to let you know that if you wanted to wait till the results of the procedure was over I will not blame you”

She did not look up but instead kept her head against my chest as she told me,

“I will marry you right here in my most naked form if I can, Stevie I do not even want to think of losing you but if it happens, I want to be yours only. Even if you change it will not matter because I know for one that your heart will remain the same, you will still be the good man I fell in love with and that is all that matters for me”

I could not debate with her any further as I pulled her body closer kissing her hair whispering that I loved her, we laid in each other’s arm for a few more moments before she announced sadly that she must leave for her home. I very reluctantly opened my arms to let her kiss my forehead standing up to be dressed in the next few seconds, I wore my trouser as I walked her out of the door and she kissed my cheek wishing me goodnight. I closed the door and dressed myself quickly, I stopped by the laundry shop at first to pick my father’s tuxedo that had been fixed to my body proportion which was much smaller than my father and mockingly of the same size of the tailor’s thirteen year old son. After that I stopped by the jeweler to pick the wedding bands and engagement ring I had ordered by a letter and lastly by a liquor shop to get myself a little alcohol to celebrate my bachelor all by myself, I knew that after everything I would go out for a party with Bucky but for now I had to adjust in this loneness which would follow me for a few hour and after that I would be a married man.

I would be married to Jocelyn and after that my life would be completely changed but that evening, I was glad because I knew that whatever change was coming my way my dear Jocelyn would be by side anchoring me to the grounds and saving me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Eleven: The battle of New York comes to an end as he sees a glimpse of his darkness. In past Steve becomes Captain America and commits a sin.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve becomes Captain America in the past and takes someone's life because he does not want to loose his chance at being a hero. He becomes a flying monkey until he decides to take things into his own hands and save Bucky from Hydra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 11

2012, New York

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

Tony had told me when the mission started that I would be calling all the shots and they had to be considering the greater good of the entire mankind, this had always been the blurry point of decision in my life. I never completely understood to balance the greater good against the life of one individual and honestly, I chose the side which served me the best so in past when I did that it ended destroying everyone around me. As I was asked by Dr. Erik Selvig on top of the Stark tower no longer under the influence of the Chitauri army about closing the wormhole with Ironman still in the space trapping him if we closed the wormhole. I knew time was at a limit and if we waited for his return then the wormhole could be left open or exploded wiping off the entire planet and if we did close, we would isolate Ironman in space leaving him to die. I know that he would have wanted it to sacrifice himself for others because if I had known anything about Tony then he was all about putting other’s over him. It did not take me a moment to hesitate before commanding Dr. Erik Selvig to close the wormhole. As I looked up at the sky hoping for a miracle recalling the hollow promise to protect him to Stephan who unaware that his boyfriend might be death was treating patient affected by the battle, while their son Spiderman was helping the city police with the rescue operation, Harley who along with Anastasia was watching the news in their Malibu headquarters. We had left hour before Anastasia came over, but she had given a machine to us via Loki who fought by our side to protect each other and especially not let her father sacrifice himself for humanity. I saw the wormhole slowly disappearing well known that if Loki had not been so gravely injured, he would stop me and I truly to wish for Tony to make it out alive, the Earth was not ready to lose her best defender. I was helpless while we fought the Chitauri army the government lost hope sending a missile that now was left in the space with Tony as he thought it was the only way to save everyone, I stared down as tears welled up in my eyes realizing that I was responsible for death of yet another person, but suddenly I heard Thor scream in ecstasy.

The next moment I saw the God of Thunder launch himself into the sky as in minutes later he landed safely with Ironman snuggled into his arm, as they landed Thor separated the iron mask from his face as a very terrified Tony who stumbled his way as he stood yet asked shakenly,

“Did we win?”

It was Sam who replied that we did while he pushed a smile through his lightly wounded face and said,

“We must go to this awesome Shawarma place around the corner. I will call in Stephan and Pete too, is Loki still around he will enjoy it too”

“Loki is hurt and has been taken to the hospital to treat his wounds which surprisingly are healed in the same manner as human by Stephan but surely after all that we can go”

I replied as he nodded his head in relief, while he commanded J.A.R.V.I.S. to release him from his iron suit while a car came picking us up taking us to the Stark tower to meet with Dr. Erik Selvig where the Tesseract would be secured from further trouble. We all sat in the car close but completely quite as I slowly found my breath back, it was such an absolute pleasure not to lose Tony at that moment I felt that I came a long way from the time I lost Bucky. The second chance might have really been a blessing to me because I managed to save a life and my relationship with Sharon was healthy, I also managed to save the Earth, it was after all a blessing for me to do better and do everything right this time. I accept that I had done wrong in the past but at that time I lost sight of myself, I was not going to go back to that animal ever again, I was here to do the right thing.

If I had to trail back to the time when things went completely south for me then I remember getting married to Jocelyn was the last right and happy moment in my life, we were married on a Sunday in the very church I visited with my mother and then with Jocelyn. The rows at front was decorated only with a kind of syringe flower, the attendance was limited to her parents only and the priest who oversaw officiating our wedding. There was no band yet there was a music in the air, there was not many people yet the applause of her mother when she walked in hands with her father in a beautiful laced up white dress and a veil covering her face I felt the whole world joined us in our celebration. Her father kissed her hand before she walked over to the dice as I shook hands with her father who wished us the very best, the priest started with the ceremony as I held her hands in mine, I could see her smile and her eyes shine brightly beneath her veiled face. She was breath taking and it had been the first time since I ever met her to feel so enchanted and pious in her presence, her dress was a vision, she had spent most of her time stitching keeping the white rose cut lace around the silk material, her long sleeves ended right before her wrist and the trail of her veil went longer then her dress settling on the floor. I felt my life had found its meaning as I heard her say to me that she would love and respect me in my best and worst, in sickness and in health, she would love me till the last living day of her life. I had tears in my eyes as I said my vows of loving her, respecting her and always supporting her to be the best version of us. I promised to protect and honor our marriage and to take care of her family as mine. We exchanged the rings as we were finally declared to be husband and wife, I lifted her veil as I saw her eyes filled with happy tears, I held her by her waist and tilted her towards me as I bend my face over kissing her. We straightened again as her father congratulated us, her mother kissed us wiping her tears and we happily thanked the priest who wished us a happy life ahead but he did mention that he would love to see us stand by our vows forever because he had been seeing us together for a long time. We smiled and thanked his graciously, that day was so special and happy, we even had a photograph take picture of the happy occasion everything was magical and perfect. We had lunch at her house after the ceremony as they all drank and by evening, she had her dance with her first dance with her husband and then her father. Her steps were stumbling as she stepped on me and giggled about it, she was happily drunk, and I so wished I could join but I had the procedure the next morning. We dined and they all drank some more before I took my very tipsy bride to our apartment but those few blocks and the flight up the stairs she had spent in my arms as I carried my bride in bridal style, I felt each and every bone grow weary and I was scared that any moment I would lose balance. The Gods gracious enough to gift me with such a kind and beautiful wife with the strength to carry her without triggering my asthma, the only person I missed was Bucky who in her letter had mentioned that we would celebrate again when the world was free.

That night when I and Jocelyn spoke of our future about our life after the war lying by each other after exhausting ourselves for hours making love, I did not realize that once the war was over the days, we planned for would never occur. The next early morning Jocelyn very tearfully bide me a goodbye knowing the possibility to meet me again could be never or after a long time. I did not think of it I was just excited about the procedure that was waiting for me and a little afraid that I might not be able to meet Jocelyn ever again, but I needed to be brave my dream was almost near my reach. I kept myself distracted with friendly banter with Peggy about all those times I was beaten by some bully in the familiar alley of Brooklyn and she encouraged me as she asked me of my wedding. I filled in the detail promising to invite her and Dr. Abraham Erskine who was seated in the front seat to the party we had planned to celebrate the wedding after the war, we spoke a little before reaching an antique shop. We all got down as we entered it and after a code exchanged I was guided inside along with Peggy and Dr. Abraham Erskine inside a well-hidden research center with army official, agents and nurse running around to get the work done, I lost the doctor to the crowd. Peggy and I entered a room as I noticed a glass room and a stairs descending down to an area in middle of which stood a steel pod colored in green, I was greeted by Howard as we had a small talk regarding his progress with his company and my wedding. He told me that he was glad it was me because I was about to be bestowed with great responsibility and he believed that I alone could take the power graciously because I was selfless, he told that I was a hero. I thanked his graciously as next came Dr. Abraham Erskine with a nurse who asked for all my accessory which was my wedding band and my tags. I tried to look brave for the doctor as he pated in my back and said to me,

“The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great; bad becomes worse. Therefore you were chosen. Because the strong man who has known power all his life, may lose respect for that power, but a weak man knows the value of strength, and knows compassion”

He hugged me as I thanked him striping my shirt and handling it over to the nurse as I laid in the pod, I felt myself injected and though it came strong but was bearable I looked up at the doctor to say the procedure was not the difficult but he smiled and replied it had simply began. The pod closed as I felt spur of energy enter my body, the pain was slow but terrible at first but as time passed by the pain travelled through my body faster, I felt like being electrocuted and burned alive at the same time. I screamed in agony as the pain increased while I heard the chaos outside to stop the process, but I managed to get my voice to the other side asking them to continue with the process. I felt my bone extending physically as I felt most of the flesh in my body enlarge and every organ in my body fill with electricity and energy. Suddenly the pain stopped altogether, and the pod opened, my entire body was sweating as I opened to see all eyes on me with most of their mouths wide open, I stepped out and realized that I was taller. Peggy was the first to come as she touched my pec, yes I had pec and abs, so much of muscle too I could not wait to carry Jocelyn over my shoulder something I always wanted to do, I could not wait to change Bucky in an arm wrestling match but the first thing I had to get done was fight a bloody war. I was handed a towel and then an army white shirt which an hour would be a dress to me was extremely tight now, Dr. Abraham Erskine patted me on my shoulder saying me to always be a good man and while I was ready to compliment him for making me into a new man I felt a tiny pin graze through my side only to realize a bullet was fired and it hit the doctor directly on his chest. In a few moments he collapsed in my arm as he pointed his finger at my heart and gave his last breath, I was devastated and wanted to stay to avenge him. I heard the chaos about a Hydra agent stealing the only other formula for super soldier and escaping while without a thought I followed him out. I had a newfound strength and chased him through vehicle and people with my eyes set on him, but that conniving bastard got hold of a little kid and held him against as bargain. He threw away the kid into the river, but the boy knew to swim so I continued to chase while finally catching up to the agent, as he looked at me and screamed,

“You are not going to be the only super soldier; you are not special and we will make one of our own to prove the world that everyone has to kneel in front of us”

I realized then that the man was unarmed, I could secure him and the serum safely returning to the center but the fear of having someone with the same specialty as mine scared me, and honestly at that time I did not even fear that it could be an enemy. I suddenly grew insecure, I felt powerful for a few seconds and I did not want to share the feeling so I let my darkness consume me for the very first time as I handled his body by snatching the serum in one hand and then strangulating him the other. I felt his neck snap and his life living his body as I dropped his lifeless body on the ground, and I looked at the bottle of serum for a long time before dropping it off on the ground and walking away. I was asked to brief about it but I with a straight face lied about the agent taking in a mysterious pill after dropping the bottle of serum, the medical examiner did find my testimony wrong but for some reason quietly amended their own report. Col. Chester Phillips the next day confessed the reason behind the medical officer mysteriously changing their report as he said that he knew the agent died of strangulation, but he did not accept any explanation from me. He did not care enough if I was responsible for the spilling of bottle or murdering of a defenseless agent, but he wanted me to be grateful to him, to serve his cause which was be his flying monkey. We had a deal that night I would go around the country performing and motivating people to buy bonds while he would keep our little secret, I kept my end of the promise and while Peggy inquired I informed her that I would rather perform than to be a lab rat. She sympathized with me as she was transferred to London, a group of remarkable young men and a woman had managed to build a Enigma machine that could crack the codes send by the Nazis. Howard too had to stay back in New York working on the development of his weapon though he advised me to seek his help whenever I needed it. I was disheartened because I was not allowed to fight in the war and instead dress up performing for children, it felt juvenile and I had never been as humiliated as several dancing girls in the most minimalistic clothing danced around me. I remember that I had hated my stripes and start uniform, the cardboard shield was like a crown for the fool, someday I would punch the flake Hitler little harder to vent out my frustration to be unable to hit the real one. My only solace was the letter of my wife who kept inspiring me to deny the orders of my superior and fulfil my duties, she was unaware of my condition that tied me down I could not have her disrespecting me. That was the start of all the lies, soon her letter grew distressing as the news of our union became public when a journalist asked of my special lady and I showed him the ring tangled in my tag mentioning my sweet dear Jocelyn. The ring had become too tiny for my finger so I kept it in my tag closer to my heart but the knowledge of my marriage spread like wildfire and I had received a lecture from Col. Chester Phillips about not consulting with him before breaking the news of my marriage. I wanted to reply to him with a punch but was afraid that he would make my misdeed public which would make me lose all the respect and love that I had earned, so I kept quite even when after a week he commanded me to write to my wife to put her teaching career and Phd at hold. He said the news of the national golden boy’s wife more educated and sinfully working did not go well with the government and army that is why I must put an end to it, I did not know of how to discourage my Jocelyn knowing she was not wrong and her achievement did not interfere with my masculinity. This was a sick thought, but I was helpless and after a series of letter exchanged she agreed to it but with a disappointing undertone as I promised I would let her work and continue to study once the war was over. She had replied to it saying she need not my permission but yet did so because she loved me so if it came to her choosing her profession again, she would when she felt the necessity. The letter did not stop but I had sensed that I had disappointed her because she only inquired about my wellbeing not about any other explicit detail of her missing me or her waiting for me. It broke my heart into pieces to know that I was not where I wanted to be and the only person who always believed in me was being let down by me, all hell broke loose when one letter mentioned that Bucky had gone missing in action. She convinced me to stay calm as she believed that he was alive and would return safely but even after weeks of patience there was no news of him. It so happened when I was on a tour in Italy where the soldier did not want me to be a popular choice, so I sat backstage eavesdropping on the conversation that Col. Chester Phillips about the 107th infantry, I marched to his tent immediately for information. He said that the men were all lost and there would be no rescue mission, I announced that I would rescue them myself and he said that he would unravel my secret. I bend over the table looked at him with my bloodshot eye as I threatened that if he did so then I would come for him and his family because I was the only super soldier which makes me undefeated. I saw him gulp down in fear as he asked me what help did I need and I told him I needed Howard Stark, that very night Howard flee me over to the war zone as I flew down the aircraft even before landing commanding him to go back to base. He followed by made me promise to call him when I was ready to evacuate the zone, I fought every single person I encountered even the ones with weapon so dangerous and unknown.

I managed to rescue all the group of prisoner but could not find Bucky but one of them mentioned another area where some prisoner was kept, I rushed there rescuing the rest and while I almost lost hope to find him I heard his voice and entered a room where he was strapped to an electric chair. I quickly freed him as he looked at me and asked in a feeble voice if anything had changed in me, I smiled pulling my tag out informing that I was married. We were almost at the exit when I met my nemesis for the very first time, Johann Schmidt and Dr. Arnim Zola, the commander gave a speech about righteousness that did not catch my attention because the entire area was being blown away. They after completing it walked out of the compound leaving the only bridge between us and the escape broken, I made Bucky walk the iron rod to the other end commanding him to escape but that moron stood there replying he would be with me till the end of the line. I looked around ran backward before leaping forward and landed on the other side, we escaped as we heard explosion behind us. The recued prisoner managed to get their hands on the Hydra tank and weapon, we made our way to the back to the camp and within two days we were all recued and safe.

The entire camp cheered for me as Bucky applauded me before he was asked by the medic for his physical and mental examination. Peggy came towards me as she hugged me and then looking at me scolded me for being late, I smiled and said that the commuter was destroyed while Bucky looked at our closeness with a little suspicion and then finally walked away for his examination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Twelve: Steve and Jocelyn have a huge fight. Steve shows his dark side to her for the very first time.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is traumatized after the events of his torture, Jocelyn sympathize with her brother. Steve wants him in the war to get revenge on those who have done his wrong but Jocelyn finds this decision wrong. They have a huge fight and Steve threatens her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 12

1944, Brooklyn

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

I was a terrible person and someone so ugly that to even have his memories as reflection of my past scares me, the worst of all I was not even delusional I believed in every wrong I did because I thought if anyone challenging me went unpunished then they would see through me. I had the hunger to be the supreme leader a person everyone fears, and no one dares to question, I killed people so many innocents one’s and I did injustice to so many. It all started the first time when I decided to drop the serum, and everything followed behind quickly after that I was not drowning in darkness, I choose to embrace its power. I did have people who still cared enough to reflect my misdeed to me but for me they were all just challenge a battle I needed to win but at what cost? Bucky and I returned to our home for some spending time before as the spies took time to draw up maps of Hydra camp for me and my chosen Howling Commandoes to invade and fight them all.

The team was completely my formation of five skilled men who had just been released from the Hydra torture chamber, none of them cleared by the psychiatrist but to me mental health was just another hobby for the riches. I felt they were completely capable, and they would get their revenger as they would fight side by side of a super soldier, they needed some convincing as their last experience was terrifying, but I gave them speeches about the greater good of our country. I told them that our country needed them but in reality, I could choose anyone else and the result would be definitely much different but as I said I was another person back then. Bucky was strictly advised against indulging himself in violence for a few years but he wanted to be by my side fighting I did had to convince him a little too that when he would fill those Nazis body with bullets all his pain and agony will be washed away. On our visit to our house we had planned to keep news of him returning a secret because on the frontier I did not want Jocelyn to worry but in reality I knew of her logical expression of each of the member of my team traumatized and they should be given time to compose themselves. We were already having disagreement over my request of her not working and I might have indulged in some shady activity of sending letters threatening to any organization that would hire her. The country men were at war with enormous amount of women working the same as men but not paid the same but that is a constant fact anyway I did agree even the government were encouraging the women to work in factories and manual labor but those were normal people. I was the face of American army, everyone from government to soldiers respected me and I had yearned for respect throughout my life knowing the idea of having my wife stepping out to work would make me weak again. During those days I thought my masculinity was tied to her activity and the more I restricted her into the picture of a perfect housewife the more respect for me would rise. I had this disgusting idea that any working women are easy, and it was inculcated when I was kissed by a receptionist after rescuing the men trapped in Austin. I had also indulged myself in some very crude rumors about Peggy herself I never encouraged it but whenever something on that line was spoken, I smiled softly accepting it. I had confronted Peggy about it once and she laughed it out saying that she understood the way a men’s mind worked and there was no need to revolt. She felt that the presence of a female among men meant little more attention to her and if they did share a little humor there was no need to be offended after all. However it only mattered if someone from a lower rank does and at that time I had agreed with her setting her words as statute for the entire women of the country so whenever I saw a female questioning my authority which rarely happened I shut her down with more harsh remarks than Bucky ever used on Jocelyn. The only women I failed to put down was my own wife and the first public scuffle between us happened the day I and Bucky returned to our house for a week. The car had dropped us both off at her parent’s place and no sooner did we enter the apartment, she fought her way through her parents and neighbor towards Bucky and she threw herself over him. He hugged her back as she rested her head on his chest and cried about the time, she almost thought he died, he had tears in his eyes as he consoled her and finally she let go off him with a smile adoring her face. As she turned towards me, my lips twitched to have her in mine and make up for all the lost time, it was also the first time she was seeing me in person after the procedure. I in complete honesty had to accept that I had accepted her to run towards me first as I would take her scooping in my arms something, I always wanted to do but was reframed from because of my small frame. I was disappointed as she stood turned around again while the others greeted us, I rolled my eyes at her childish behavior which I knew would be the talk of the town, I mean imagine that the golden boy of the country greeted so coldly by his own wife. I was kept busied by all those people who spend their life ignoring my presence, talking of my war story to their children while Bucky stood by my side adoring me like he always had been. Jocelyn on the other side ignored every chance to be near me entertaining guest or being solely attentive to her brother but I kept my eye on her through the gathering as I also knew that once all of it was over she would return to our home with no choice but to confront me. The time came longer than I anticipated but when it did, I saw her reluctantly biding goodbye to her parents and her brother as she walked few steps ahead of me. As I entered the apartment, I took a little time to take it all, it was modest as it has always been but even in the army, I was always given a superior tent which was way better than this sad expression of house. I kept my luggage careless as I looked around making a mental note to shift to the other side after the war was over something that spoke of my reputation and not that dump. I heard her breathe loudly as she inquired if I would be interested to eat anything knowing completely that our meals were already taken care of at her house so I announced that I would not, she then advised but in a commanding tone that I must freshen up and put myself to sleep. This woman had spent every breathing air of her life loving me and adoring me but for some silly reason she decided to ignore my presence especially when I had just come back from a war. The Stevie in me would have spoken to her gently listening and understanding her with an intention to actually change my ways but the Captain in me was just being an bastard. I walked over to her towering her as she turned towards me, I held her forearm as she flinched in pain and looked up at me while I asked her in a commanding voice,

“What is your fucking problem? You cannot spend a minute with your husband who have come back from a bloody war?”

I had never spoken to her or hurt her the way I was doing so, and I knew she was shocked and in pain but she was a hell of a women. She did not flinch but instead just decorated her face with a smirk as she examined me from toe to head before spitting the insult to my face,

“My fucking problem is that my husband who has returned from a bloody war thinks that the war fought on the border is the only war that matters, only the one that deserve to be won. There are women allowed to work who are being paid less, taunted on their gender as they are measured by their gender on their competency to work. There are still teenagers painting their face with radium and the women that are left behind while their men are off fighting a bloody war are the one to take care of their children and their home, be the protector. My fucking problem is when the whole debate about letting Captain America’s wife work or not started there were protestor at her daddy’s house and she could not continue to stay in her apartment alone because one night someone threw a burning cloth breaking her window, every day after returned from work she found hate notes in her house and every moment she felt being followed around. She did not say any of it to her husband because he was fighting a bloody war, but when it came into his notice finally, he just sided with everyone else also threatening organization to ever even have the idea of hiring her. The problem is I would rather work and study contributing my time to the growth of science rather to wonder if her brother is even alive or death, that is my problem”

I felt my grip on her arm loosen as she wiggled it out walking away before the tears in her eyes could drop, she sat on the sofa exhausted looking at the window where she the new glass was plastered not matching the pattern of others while I stood there feeling extremely sorry for all those threats she had to endure all alone. I felt at that time that all my action of restricting her from working was correct as I was making an attempt to protect her and her absence of being at threat after she quit was none proved my theory but she was just being too stubborn about it. As far as all the other concern of women were spoken then she was no feminist she did not have to be their voice, she was happily married to a man who provided for her and was loyal to her. She was educated and if she felt that she needed money she could always ask me I would never refuse so what was all this equality cry she needed; all those others were just crying for the wrong reason. I thought even if they were being paid less at least they were provided with the opportunity to work and obviously they could not surpass the men after all we were the natural provider and they were natural nurturer. Even all those girls affected started when they left their home to work so there isn’t anyone to blame for but themselves only if I could see myself through at that time, I would realize that I was wrong and I did not have to understand Jocelyn’s cause but just be with her as her friend. I did not think the same when I sat beside her and took her hands in mine, she looked at me as I placed my fingers on the marks I left on her arm tracing it regrettably as I held my head down and said in a sincere apologetic tone,

“I am sorry doll, I was not there to protect you but I promise no harm will ever befall on you”

“I do not need to protect me Stevie just don’t do anything to obstruct my growth, I can face any of those moronic bully but when I have to fight my husband it becomes difficult not that I would stop fighting but it would be easier if you were just by my side”

“Fine my little priceless doll, I will ask Howard if he is in need of assistance in his research and development, I know he has some experimental branch of discovering physical theories or something, you will fit there right in and to know you are with him I will be assured you are safe”

She nodded at it as finally she kissed my cheek like she had missed me as I smiled looking at her, I picked her by her waist as I rested my head on her chest while she moved her fingers through my air telling me that she missed me so much. I kissed her neck as she cupped my face and lifted my face to look at her while she laughed and said,

“It is almost like looking at someone else, Stevie you are enormous, and it does not feel like you”

I pushed my face closer to her and I kissed her lips and asked her if she felt it was me to which she nodded in a yes and kissed me back. That night it felt like having sex with her for the very first time because this time I had to be extremely careful when I had to hold her anywhere because if I let my passion run me then it would leave her skin bruised, her body felt so weak under me and I did enjoy it. Something else that I enjoyed a lot was the feeling of making her cum again and again while I could go on throughout the night, her poor body finally gave us somewhere between me talking about the time I heroic took charge and rescued everyone. She did not hear the rest as she was fast asleep on my arm but she knew the story not the entire truth she too knew what I wanted everyone to know, the fact of me indulging in dropping the serum and killing the agent was hidden even from her. I just felt it was extremely irrelevant for her to know and decided to keep every secret away from her, but I needed to know who would rattle me confessing to her about my threatening letter. I had to speak about it with Peggy as she would be back by next week and she could use her resources to find the traitor I also made a mental note to speak of Jocelyn’s appointment with Howard. He was a man of humble background just as me he would understand my fear and keep my wife in a protected manner giving her work as a hobby to be busy till the war was over. I thought that I was protecting her at that time, but I was lying to myself and soon the lies would spread to everyone else. The entire week was spending mostly in our house but sometime with me, Jocelyn and Bucky going for a dance as the war was in our favor Hitler could be controlled but the same could not be said about Hydra. We had gone for dance, to the mayor’s house for dinner and to church everywhere I went I was a celebrated personality always shadowing my wife and my best friend but they never minded instead they always looked at me with pride in their eyes as I entertained them. My relationship with Jocelyn improved drastically as she was back to the love sicken toddler who would attend to all my needs. I had to confess that the feeling to have me inside her repeatedly gave me the best feeling, I could not keep my hands off and she let me wear her down. She was not even the jealous type as she saw girls swirling over me during any public event she would press her eyes at me from across the room with a confident smile that told everyone in the room that I was only hers. I also did not have any reason to be jealous because in any event she struck to Bucky something about having the idea of losing him forever made her skeptical and she wanted to be there for him constantly.

He even found the courage that he could no longer sleep and every passing second, he would grow skeptical of his surrounding, he would feel being stalked and zone out in the moment when he was being tortured. He confided in her that he had been sexually assaulted in the base in fact all of the other have, they had been tortured with their minds being played at, and the Nazis would not let them sleep for days, feed them meat of another death prisoner. They would strap him into an electric chair screaming for them to repeat a name of a Nazi soldier and claiming his misdeeds as own electrocuting them any time they refuse to do so. Jocelyn had told me and that she worried about her brother, but I kept repeating that he would be fine and I would take care of him, I had lied to her when I told her that I was letting Bucky have a desk job and keep him closer to me so that he did not destroy himself into insanity. She trusted me like she should have been expect for that unfaithful evening before we were to leave for the war again when she received a telegram about my attendance along with Bucky to start our operation against the Hydra camps. I had visited my parent’s grave with Bucky’s father who was proud of me also who was kept in the dark about me mending with his daughter’s profession and putting his son’s life in jeopardy. I had come back to my apartment as I found her sitting in the sofa looking dead at me as I entered, she walked towards me as she handed me the telegram and took her coat trying to walk away as I noticed her luggage in her hand. I bolted towards the door standing between her and the door she wanted to walk away, I held her by her shoulder repeating that it was not what she thought of and finally I heard her speak as she questioned me,

“My brother is not ready for a war, when he confided about all those horrific things that happened to him, I did wonder why he would have not said so to you but now I know because you do not care. He cannot say it to you because the idiot in him still loves you and he still wants to do everything so that you would appreciate him. He is a fool to think that you will ever consider his feelings because you only care about yourself. He is reaching out to me so that I can save him from this suicide mission, and I will save him whatever it takes so either you step aside or I will make you”

This was not like before she had challenged me and she was trying to undermine my decision, Bucky was my friend and if I thought the only way he could confide his fears by facing them then I was right and she who did not even spend one single day in war had no rights to call the shots on my soldiers. Peggy had been in war, she had risked every day of her life for the country while Jocelyn cared for herself only, the world needed Bucky to show that American army was not filled with teenage boys too afraid of everything but with strong men. Moreover, I had told that I would protect Bucky, so she was directly disregarding me, I folded my hands over my chest and I looked at her and told her with a smirk,

“He is not traumatized; he is just scared and the only way he will stop feeling scared like a little girl is to kill every one of them”

She looked at me with disbelief as she screamed at my face,

“You are an idiot Rogers; he is scarred, and he needs medication with therapy not to be pulled into war to relive his memories. So, I am saying peacefully the last time to let him be or else I walk out of your life forever”

“No”

Everything I said or did after that made me worse than a human, it made me disgust and it was just not me but my power doing the speaking,

“Jocelyn Steven Rogers you will not leave me and I will not let Bucky stay, he deserves to be by my side just like we always dreamt of, so if you try to pull any stunts then I shall remind you of all the laws framed against your brother for loving me so dearly. I love you and if you walk out of my life or even think of leaving me my doll then I will go for everyone you love, hunt them down and burn then alive so thread very carefully wife”

She stood there in shock before she spoke again,

“I will see you try”

“You can keep fighting love, but I already won, think of it I am the face of this country every single thing is under my thump. I am inevitable the strongest force in this whole world literally indestructible do you really think that you have it in you to go against me”

I could see that I broke her completely as the bags dropped from her hands and she looked everywhere praying for a weapon against me from anywhere but I let go off her shoulder took her begs and walked inside knowing well she would not leave now. I had never imagined in my wildest dream that she would put up a fight for her brother whom she spends her entire life hating because I was their trophy. The wind had changed in our apartment because I knew she was not completely scared of me but buying herself time before strategizing, that night she slept separately I did not mind because I knew she would have to give in to me she loved me after all. The next morning while leaving she confronted if my promises about allowing her to work with Howard was true to which with complete honestly, I replied it was and as soon as she heard it she shut the door on my face. I wanted to barge in there and teach her to respect me but I grumbly walked down the stairs as I had a war to win. I and Bucky bide goodbye to his parents as I confessed that Jocelyn had send her love, we then were picked by the car as we were driven to the camp.

My first work of action was to send the message of appointing Jocelyn to Howard and then I started to strategize my attack on the Hydra camp. I never confronted Bucky with his traumatizing experience, I did not do with any of them instead I treated them like machine to win my war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Thirteen: The Avenger scatter into their own life and family. In the past Jocelyn gives birth to their child.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avenger all branch out to their families and a secret about Loki is revealed to Steve. The war ends and everything gets better, they have their first son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 13

  
2013

  
New York

  
Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

  
I am not a liar well I was not born one at least, I did not intend to lie to Jocelyn when we married, and I took an oath to always love and be loyal towards her. I did not want to lie to Bucky when on battlefield I promised that he would get his revenge and I will be helping him fighting by his side. I genuinely did not lie to Stephan when I promised to protect Tony, but situations always turn against me I make the worst decision, you see I am not a bad person, but I just make really bad decision. The first one being to accept the procedure and I live my every breathing moment living with the regret and trying to be better but the battle of New York was just another reminder that when it came to choose I would always value my power over the lives of many. The missile was sent by S.H.I.E.LD. headquarters as they had thought the best way to save others was to kill some, it is a very known dilemma about a reckless on a train with two tracks in front of the train one consisting of one human and the other track of five. The shitty lecture of greater good and all my decision till this day were taken because I thought I was saving people, I accepted that I would be responsible to the untimely and undeserved death of some men but God is the only one to give or take life. I should have never put myself on his throne, the decision was not mine to make and in the very first day of army I was taught that we live no men behind.

  
I can deduce that our life are filled with principles to live by it but we choose only those one which facilitate us, I could have turned the battle a lot many other ways maybe I should have accepted Loki ‘s advice and stepped away. I could also vacate the entire island way before so that the battle would cause destruction of property and not lives, I should have let Thor keep the Tesseract in Asgard instead of being adamant and encouraging Tony to use its power to build weapons. I am not a leader, and neither should they put their confidence on me, I have let everyone down again and again. Stephan trusted me but I let him down and I could see sign of betrayal the evening later his face, he did not scream accusation on me instead he spoke of nothing but taking full care of Tony. I completely understood when the week later Tony announced his voluntary retirement from the Avenger promising to always be by our side during war but to focus on Stark Industries and his family. By the time the rest of us moved back to Malibu their remaining was cleaned and taken care of, the next one to tap out by the end of last year was Natasha and Clint. She had birthed a beautiful and healthy baby boy, Nathalian Petro Barton, they like Tony promised to join hands to protect earth but wanted to work from distance. The campus felt like a brick of modern architecture as everyone who made me feel like home travelled away to their own families, Thor was the last to leave and he did it only because the repetitive attacks on Asgard by the other nine realms, they were revolting under influence of some unknown leader. It was just me and Sam for some time before Sam took off to Wakanda, there was a death, a loss so grave that it pierced everyone of our heart. We were all devasted to lose one of our family member King T’Challa, his loss came as a very ugly surprise to me and all of us. We all reunited shortly for his funeral earlier this year and grieved over his death but also celebrated his life the way he had told us that in his culture death was not the end of the journey. Shuri took the charges after her brother while she asked Sam’s help with one of a trouble prisoner, she had rescued from Rumlow’s organization. He had been in Wakanda since and as for me I stepped out too, Brooklyn my home that is where I went back to. I bought an apartment near the place where my old apartment stood, I bought a small gallery to display new and young talent. It became pretty popular amongst the youth and is currently doing well, I sometimes put my new creation up also, but I do it very rarely. Sharon works out of states most of the time as she is filling Natasha’s shoes while I join her only when it is time for attack. Our relationship is crumbling within and the cracks are evident now, we hardly talk and even if we do it is simply screaming at each other, she wants a future and I cannot let go off my past. I have a feeling that she already knows that I was never in love with her, but she is dreading the day of realization because like me she does not want to stay lonely. I am aimless and lost, but worse most of the time I am lonely and alone, Tony had been graciously inviting me over to his place for festivities, but I stay out because I am not one of them. They are a couple who are in love, a happy family with two perfect son who adore them and the final piece of puzzle with their daughter Anastasia. She still is pretty much a shadow to me because we always seem to miss each other, after the battle of New York she joined Loki in Germany because the planet the Chitahuri army attacked was Jötunheimr. The attack was unplanned but predictable because before the war even started Loki had started his battle, he had been an ally to Ronan to understand the motive better. He had been source of the most valuable lesson that an unknown leader was in search of all the infinity stones but for that the people of his land paid. He had evacuated them all long before the battle, he had made a home for them in Germany where with Stark’s latest technology they could look and behave like humans while the place for them which was in the size of a country was highly secure protecting them from all intruders. When the Chitahuri army attacked they only found mirage of the citizen created by his magic but the message was clear that they were coming for him, he is not scared but is determine to face that unknown enemy without causing harm to a single Jotun, no collateral damage. The eldest stark has been with him since mixing magic with science to have them prepared for any apprehension of danger, Tony had informed me about it on the very first meet we had after the battle the last year. He confided his fear in me, he told me that he did not want to be an irresponsible father giving his daughter wax wing only to burn herself when she come closer to the sun, he felt that Loki was dangerous and all so much more now because if someone came for him then they will end up hurting his daughter. I met the family six times after the battle and each time the topic came up, Stephan knew that they were strictly friends, but he did not want her to fall in love with him just to be broken hearted like Sam. I inquired a little because Sam never confronted about this to me and Stephan told me that Loki was pansexual and he was in a casual relationship with Sam. He cared and loved Sam or rather pretended so but he never agreed to fully commit, he supported Sam whenever he had one of the attacks but when Sam confessed his love Loki turned him down. Loki gave Sam the consolation prize of always being they’re for him and all of that, but he should not have acted the feelings Sam had was a complete surprise for him. Tony chimed in saying that Loki was the one to charm Sam and play the perfect protective boyfriend but rejected to give them labels which was shallow and irresponsible behavior. They both had trust in their daughter who never showed any ounce of romantic feeling for anyone which was disturbing but kept her safe for now but the worried parents in them just wanted to protect her. I understood them and finally one time when Sam came to visit me he opened up after few drinks the topic did start on his new love interest who was broken and needed so much love and support but ended with Loki. He told a different story, he said that Loki was clear from the very first time he was attracted to Sam and wanted to genuinely help him through the depression and sorrow of losing Riley but he always loved Anastasia. There would be times when Sam would fine Loki all alone staring at something with tears rolling down his cheek, he would say to Sam that it was a curse to know everything, he had told Sam that he loved Anastasia but knew perfectly well that she could never love him. Once when Sam had screamed at Loki to confess his feeling to Anastasia he had told with a straight face that she was incapable of loving anyone, if she loved then she would live in pain something Loki could not do, he could not be selfish. Sam tried so hard not to fall but he fell for the handsome Norse God and he felt so hard, that man was a true friend to him. It did break his heart when Loki turned him down, but it was not completely unpredictable, if anything it helped him move on in his life towards finding someone who loves him and makes him happy. He has not found him yet but by the way he spoke of the man he is treating in Wakanda it looks he would find his happy ending soon. I was delighted to know that Tony and Stephan had nothing to worry about, but in the later discussion I decided to opt out the part where Loki had feelings for their daughter because there was no reason to add on to their worries. I am sure that some day Anastasia will open her heart and if Loki is as genuine as he sounds then maybe one day, she will love him too, it will be a nightmare for Tony and Stephan though.

  
As I told you I do not want to lie but situation turn me against and I must lie, my decision in the past was wrong and before I could realize it everything went away. My life became like sand in my hand the stronger I held my grip the more it slipped away from me. I must agree that before everything completely shattered there was peace and joy like before every storm, Jocelyn had started to work with Howard, and she experimented with new chemicals while he build some of the best weapon. I saw her in between of my missions once when Howard gave me my shield, she looked extremely proud of me, but I knew that she was furious at our last conversation though I apologized in all my letters. I knew for her actions spoke louder than words so I and my Howling commandos destroy all the Hydra bases while our men and allies fought against Hitler bravely, we won our war weeks ago when the last standing Hydra base was destroyed enrapturing the mind Dr. Zola while Johann Schmidt flew away in his rocket right in front of my eyes. He was missed because I let him monologue for about three whole minutes about him being the first chosen one by Dr. Erskine and throwing his face mask revealing his red skull to me. I was both amazed and horrified by it while he escaped, thankfully the tesseract was already secured by us, so his escape was not a big threat. Hitler like the coward that he was committed suicide, he knew he stood no chance against the allied force, the men returned to their homes. I kept my promise, I protected Bucky and helped him get his revenge on all the men who wronged him, but he told me that even killing them did not give him any peace and memories of those torturous days still haunted him.

  
I told him to leave the past behind and move ahead as we all packed for our house, we were met with an enormous crowd at the station and even before I could step down on the station I felt Jocelyn run towards me throwing her arms over me and kissing me with passion, I thanked God as I returned the kiss. Bucky rolled his eyes and smiled walking towards his parents; everything was just like before and the next few days were the best of my life. I took my finally long overdue honeymoon to Paris the last time I had been there was with my crew, but this time I had my doting wife by my side. I had to monopolize my time between her and the throng of fans, but my darling wife never minded, she stood silently by my side smiling and supporting me. Once back in our room my complete attention went to her and I exactly how much I loved her, I bruised her completely but she never complained submitting to each and every time. We had an informal exchange of wedding vows in front of the Eiffel Tower and locked the rude conversation we had before I left in Pont des Arts throwing the key down the water forgetting it. We had accepted that we both were in bad shape and acted hastily, life as I said was perfect, we came back as Bucky announced that he would help his father full time in the factory as he was exhausted by the war. I was offered to join Strategic Scientific Reserve to hunt down Johann Schmidt or any other future threat, I rejected them because it meant to stay away from my dear wife for a cause that did not need a super soldier but anyone. I promised to join my country if any danger lingered again and also to eliminate the threat but being a spy did not suit me, I joined a local magazine and became a Animation Artist which was a popular choice in those days. Finance was not a trouble as the government paid me heavily for my service offering me better apartment but Jocelyn rejected it saying that our combined remuneration was sufficient also urging me to pass the message to the government to use the finance for uplifting the economy of the country. She made me a better person, I also did various charitable event to raise funds for the veteran of wars, the economy country wide was slipping into depression but slowly and gradually pulled back into static. It had been six months since the war had ended when Jocelyn planned a dinner to announce something before Christmas, I had a slight understanding of her surprise announcement by the change in her body posture and her irregular morning sickness. So, on the fateful evening of Christmas when she announced that we were going to parents it came as no surprise, but I was very delighted, I held her in my arms and kissed her slow as we were showered with the best of wishes. The day I was born the doctor had predicted that I would not live beyond five days and there I was in the best health being the luckiest man in the world to be wedded to the strongest girl I know and I would be a father. It was simply the best of times, she made me the happiest man and I could not wait for the months to be over fast as I would welcome my little baby into this world. I would have a family of my own it was something I craved since childhood, the very first time I saw someone I liked, the time I felt love for Jocelyn, on our wedding that that evening when my dream was finally coming true.

  
The terror came after a few months when both I and Jocelyn dreaded over the thought of having our child born with any of my disease that I had prior to my procedure. She got over it faster than I did, she assured me that she would love our child no matter what and it would just be the perfect little thing, but I could not say the same. I had been a little kid with sickness longer than my name, found myself constantly mocked and bullied, I was extremely fortunate to find Bucky and Jocelyn, but my child might not be. The little one might get picked simply because of the father being an American hero constantly compared with me and maybe ridiculed for the flaws. My enemies would target my child and I knew the world was cruel for the little guys like us so I took great care of my wife during pregnancy nurturing and nourishing her, I tried my best month but as the weeks proceeded my fear grew larger. I could not sleep as every night I dreamed of a weak and frail boy accusing me of letting the world hurt him because I was the reason, he was so weak. Soon the nightmare caused hallucination I saw him everywhere mocking my trials to keep the baby in the womb healthy, I wanted to just push the shadow away, but he entrapped my head. The worst happened when the baby finally arrived, it was indeed a baby boy we named him, Henry Steven Rogers he was born with all my disease. He arrived after nine months yet looked like a baby of six months, the doctor had no hopes for him and though on the night he was born everyone rejoiced in the hospital I stood aside as his entire life flashed before my eyes. I did the unthinkable something that no father in history should ever do, I wanted to save him the doctor told me that he would not survive a week even with their best effort, so I made a deal with them.

  
The next morning the nurse came with a little dead baby wrapped in a pink towel, everyone was devasted and it killed me to watch Jocelyn howl over the baby’s body not able to investigate the face which I knew would be the scenario. The devastation so huge that no one would bother to see the face of the baby of a stranger, a baby that was death and left behind by his parents they did not even want the body. My baby boy was left outside a church last night and I only left after noticing the basket holding him was picked up by a father, I knew he might deny faith and survive but the torment that he would have to undergo for being my son would be unimaginably cruel. If anything, I saved him no one would understand it even if I said specially Jocelyn, she threw a fist when the hospital offered her a wheelchair. She was completely broken, and it killed me keep this as a secret from her but if anything at all I was saving her. We returned our apartment and to the empty nursery she broke into my arms and howled screaming for the loss of her son while I promised her that we would never undergo the pain of losing a child. It would always be just us for the rest of our lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Fourteen: Steve and Sharon breaks up. In a party Harley and Peter causes chaos and Anastasia comes to their rescue. Steve meets Anastasia who looks exactly like Jocelyn.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve remembers the event that lead to Bucky's death. In present he goes to a party held by Tony Stark where he overhears a conversation between Anastasia and Loki. Peter and Harley creates trouble which is solved by Anastasia who looks identical to Jocelyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 14

2015

New York

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

Love is love, it has nothing, and it has everything, it is a feeling that can capture anyone and at any time, I have witnessed history and I know that the world has not always been so patient with love. In my time the genders were boxed up in a square and love was caged, we were not allowed to feel and if someone did, they would be punished. Imagine to be punished for the most innocent feeling in the whole wide world, to live in shadows of people that the society wants you to be. Bucky was a wonderful and amazing man who lived, died and loved for me, I had neglected him and used his feelings to my advantage, but the worst was I put his position in jeopardy to control my wife. I wish he was alive today where his love would not be free to breathe, he would be able to love and live with himself, today when the news of legalization of same sex marriage was announced I wept for hours thinking of him. The first time I was accustomed with the LGBTQIA community in the future I thought it was a trend of this generation where liberty and freedom walked hand by hand allowing everyone to be themselves. I slowly read into it and came to the devasting realization that all these people walking over the colorful rainbow is as old as I am but unfortunately, they were not privileged. I cannot even call it a privilege because to be able to love anyone of our choice is a necessity and permission that needs not be sought from anyone, but my generation knew just to make war. I thought even if Bucky was alive then he would end up either being a bachelor for his entire life or married to a girl he could never love either way he had to be alone his entire life and that is no way to live. It was a long road, but I am glad we are all here were everyone is celebrated, the first call I made after the news was over to Stark towers to the happiest and completing couple, it was their win.  
Tony had lit the entire tower in the colors of the community and joined hands were most skyscrapers all over the country. It came to me as no surprise when they invited everyone over for a celebration that weekend, I was more than happy to attend firstly because of the occasion and secondly because the past two years had been rather dull for me. The past one year had been a little heavy on me, it started with Peggy leaving me forever and at her funeral Sharon came in terms with the fact that she no longer wanted to feel alone in my company. She hesitated at the beginning but by the end with a lone tear rolling down her cheek she wished me the best for my life, I did not want her to leave and when she finally cleaned everything away from my apartment the next week I truly felt her absence. I understood that I was alone all over again with nothing and no one around me, everyone was moving, and I was still just standing here all alone. I slept alone and looked at the ceiling recalling my memories of Jocelyn, then I started catching the attention of many affluent ladies of the society and we kept each other companied in the night but by morning the spark was gone and so were my companion. I wanted it that way just few moments of excitement and love, I was disappointed with each company and hated myself after waking up the next morning but continued the toxic cycle. I hate the feeling of returning to a cold and dark apartment so try to spend as much time away from it in company of admirers, but the loneliness keeps me companied even when I lose myself to a crowd. I did visit Clint and Natasha twice last year; there son is such a gift and I wish I could visit them more often, but my cover is detected can be a huge risk to them, so I keep my safe distance. Thor and Jane both are in Asgard, Thor is going through an unthinkable loss, the dark elves had attacked the palace in search of the tesseract savagely taking lives of many loyal guards of the palace and unfortunately of his mother Frigga. The siblings have not been the same with Loki engulfed in rage had diminished each and every creature responsible for his mother’s death whom he loved so dearly, Thor not leaving side of his sister or father and Hela trying to bring sanity amongst her brother along with peace and safety to the people of Asgard. Loki has also not returned yet as Anastasia is delegated with his duties towards the Jotun on earth which she performs perfectly making her unavailable for her family. Sam too visited only once a year as he is preoccupied with his patient and they have moved from professional area to be being close friends hopefully they will be a couple soon just one abrupt confession of either of them is needed. I visited the Stark-Strange family also rarely last year as they spend their spare time visiting Anastasia and with Tony pushing his project of clean energy, he has become rather busy. So, the news came as a chance for break to everyone as they all decided to join except for Thor and Jane because even after a lot of persuasion Thor could not be moved away from his palace. I can totally understand his urge to protect because losing someone made his feel helpless and unworthy, all he would want now to avert any future danger while his mind keeps replaying the event of losing his mother every time, he closes his eyes. He is trapped in his personal hell and the darkest moment of his life keeps replaying over and over, I know how he feels because I felt the same when I lost Bucky.  
1947  
Switzerland  
My world had not been the same since the death of my son, my wife had not been the same ever since. For weeks after that she would wake up in middle of night feeling for her baby in the womb only to realize he was death, she would sometime while talking to me become completely quite and then start to howl for her lost son. It went for weeks and soon as it turned into the first month she poured herself into work she announced that she would utilize everything in her so that no other mother feel the loss of a child I did what I could do in time like that supported her fully knowing that her son was very much alive. I followed up after that and knew that my son Henry was under the care of Church now but in states far from me, I made an anonymous donation each month hoping that his medical expenses are covered and praying each Sunday to take days out of my lives and add to his. I wanted him to live, to be a person of his own and not to be tortured under my heroic shadow. If I had said this to Jocelyn, she would run bare feet across states to take custody of her son not knowing that she would be pushing him towards a life of pain instead her drowning herself in work proved healthier for her. She even started to be herself again, her heart was mending one day at a time, but it shattered right into pieces every time she saw a tiny piece of life, I as promised did not try for another baby. I loved her more and more each day not letting anything away from her, I just wanted her to be happy again, but timing is never in one’s favor. Peggy returned from England and she had the news that Johann Schmidt was in Switzerland and it was our one window to attack him and bring the world justice. It did not take her asking me twice as I agreed to kill that bastard with my bare hands if I found a chance, I did not need a plan or any men all I needed was my best friend by my side. I still recall it and think maybe if one thing of that entire incident was done in another way maybe Bucky would still be alive. If I had not visited Bucky that same evening with the news or respected his decision of wanting to live a peaceful life. I could have stopped that weekend when I persuaded him over dinner and promised to his family to keep him safe and bring him back. I think if Jocelyn had fought me a little harder maybe I would have lost the battle but won the war, but she was just a broken soul who unfortunately gained trust on her husband after he fulfilled his promise the first time. Then again I think maybe all it took for me was that one moment when before leaving for my mission I went to the factory saying that I will be with him till the end of the line, that I could not love him but I would protect and choose him always. I did not know why it was so important for me to have Bucky by my side, I could have done it alone but still I tried the very last moment to persuade him and that fool dropped everything joining me. The first time I saved Bucky was my lucky chance and life never gives a second chance, too bad I was naïve to know that back then. The thought of him dying or even injured did not even occur in my mind, I was consumed by vengeance, the only picture in my mind was the bloodied body of Schmidt. I did not even acknowledge Bucky’s presence completely and it was only when I was busy attacking on of Schmidt’s guard when I heard his scream. I looked back to see him hanging by the train rods which was ripped open and handing above several feet of snow as the dead machine raced through the snow-clad mountains. I rushed to be by his side and extended my hand, he had tears in his eyes as he tried to hold my hand, we were there for what seemed like forever trying to physically extend our body while mentally exhausted and praying for a miracle. I heard a click of metal and blood drained from my face as I watched his body fall and disappear into the deepest darkest pit, it took me several minutes to recompose myself. I cried my lungs out at the sorrow as my mind went numbed and my eyes filled with rage, I did exactly what I had promised myself I killed Schmidt’s with my bare hands, he was weaker because the formula he injected upon himself protected him from human but not super being. I killed each single soul in the train and once it reached the desired station I was covered in blood, my uniform seemed dark as they found me siting on the compartment where hours ago I and Bucky were fighting our enemies. Since that very moment all I did was pray that miracle happen, and we find him alive, but the rescue team could not secure his body as the specialist declared him death no human could survive such a fall. I could not believe for days that he was death; I was expecting to go back home and find him in his house with his foot on the coffee table passing rude comments to his sister. The real realization drawn upon me was when I landed back and saw Jocelyn’s face on the airport everything about her reminded me of Bucky and with that came the realization of me not being able to save him. I walked up to her as she embraced me and whispered in my ears words that everything would be fine, but anything anyone said to me would always be received by my brain as till the end of the line. I was devasted and broken as I looked at her and plastered a fake smile whereas I should have broken down and cried my heart out but the thought of having media around me celebrating my victory against Schmidt forced me to keep my mask. I was a hero after all but in honestly the realization had drawn upon me that I was weak and a coward, that I could not save my best friend and I could not face the fact that my own son was physically weak that he had inherited my flaws. It happened then when I decided to wear the mask of a hero and become a monster. So, I know exactly what Thor is going through, but he is no coward he will not cave in, he is a phoenix, he will arise from his ashes.  
New York  
2015  
The party started like most of Tony’s party with him monologuing but this one did not seem narcissistic instead incredibly sweet as he praised Stephan and his own family before announcing the date of their marriage which came as a surprise to all the guest but we all were delighted for them. Natasha squeezed my arms as we clapped for the couple and she noticed a tear trickling down my eye, I was incredibly happy for them because for me they completed the love story that Bucky had deserved in his life. They had welcomed me into their lives, in their house and in their family this both had been my everything when I had nothing, they deserve this happiness and I was so happy for them. Later during the party when Rhodey narrated the uninteresting story of War Machine for the hundredth time and we all looked dumb at the ending he left irritated while Stephan stayed back. He looked at me and hesitated asked me to be his best man for the wedding because though we were not the closest of friend, but we were the kinds of friend who could confide in each other’s deep and dark fear. I accepted it gratefully as I promised to fulfil my duty honestly and he said he believed in me, while I was accepting them as my family, they too made me a part of their own. Their family though was missing with no glimpse of their daughter and their sons leaving the party a little too early; causing suspicion in my mind. As the evening went longer the party became a little to congested for me I felt a sudden urge of lack of air when I saw everyone forming in pairs and talking animatedly the scene might be an over exaggeration of my brain. Either way I excused myself and walked down the dark and abandoned corridor only to be attracted by two loud mouths which could not be heard in middle of the party with the blasting music. At first, I thought the couple was Pepper and Happy but as I walked closer, I recalled that they were having a conversation with Tony about the wedding plan at this very moment. I stood behind a door as the voices become clear, the door was opened a little crack only to get a peak of the couple, it was undoubtedly Loki who had his hair dyed black this time and cut them short giving his face a neat finish as he leaned against the wooden desk looking at the ground, the shelves of his blue shirt was rolled up as his jeans wrinkled because of his posture. The lady standing in front of him had her back to me, she had brown luscious soft curly hair ties neatly in a bun, she had a Caucasian complexion similar to the one Jocelyn had and weirdly enough the same Halloween Harley Quinn had, her voice was similar to too. She was wearing a green silk grown with nothing covering her bare back as I heard her firm voice scolding the God of Mischief,  
“They are your people; you have to be there for them. She would have wanted it, she would want your life to move, she would want you to use her magic that she gifted you to help everyone. Do not be like this, do not stop living your life”  
He looked up at her and said with chilly cold voice,  
“I thought that I was living but Anna I am not, I am not living anymore, I have died already. You want me to save people here is the truth I cannot not because I do not know how to but more because I do not want to. I lost my mother; she had done nothing wrong ever, but she is gone leaving this huge hole in my heart. It hurts me so bad and I do not know how to just scream at the noises in my head to shut up. I feel people deserve to die because my mother had to, I know it is wrong, but she was not a bad person, but she died. If I had died, I would have understood but why she?”  
“I do not have the answer to it, and no one will ever have but I just want to say that even if it was you it would not be fair. Death is selfish and it just is greedy, it takes and takes without any remorse, I do not understand you, but I know you are in pain. If there is anyone who do understand you are your siblings and your father, you all need each other in this time. As for saving other I know you need not to it is not even fair, but I will just tell you something Pete always tells me, when I can do things that you can and I do not then bad things happen and they happen because of me”  
It was the most insightful thing I ever heard as I watched Loki look at her as she kept her hand on his cheek and they both closed the distance between them. I looked away and started walking as I heard a loud sound on the wooden desk and if my experience serves me right then now, she is on the desk while he is kissing her senselessly. It is too sad for Stephan and Tony though but if this is the relationship Anastasia and Loki are going to share then there is nothing to worry about at all. They are healthy and good for each other, yet it is so peculiar that she sounds exactly like Jocelyn and my Halloween Harley Quinn, maybe they are the same. She was the Harley Quinn I kissed and the Joker was Loki after all they were dressed in that costume, whatever it is I am not going to intervene even if she is the same girl I kissed on Halloween because I have realized that I will never love anyone other than Jocelyn. I joined the party and found myself in a conversation with Sam which was soon joined by Stephan and Tony. As the time passed the guest began to leave leaving only Loki, Sam, Natasha, Maria, Clint, Rhodey, Happy, Pepper, Tony, Stephan and me sitting and dining. We were recalling the days when it was a routine to have meals together in the Malibu complex and of the all the changes our life had over the past few years. We were all lost in the nostalgic conversation when a huge thud was heard and we felt a slight earthquake, we were all on our guards and finally Harley and Peter rushed into the room straight to Tony rumbling about something. They spoke unintelligible and before anyone of us could inquire a shadow in green appeared around the corner with a voice booming in the room,  
“What were you thinking trying to create an Artificial Intelligence, you guys were steps away from murdering J.A.R.V.I.S and creating a weapon of mass destruction? This is not what Daddy meant when he said that he will put an iron shield around the world”  
The picture became clear and I felt as if I was falling from a thousand feet it was Jocelyn just the way I last saw her. Everything the same, her face and the way she walked in that green dress that covered very little of her front area which was distracting to look at. She was Jocelyn there was no mistake at all as she came right in front of her with her face flushed with anger going all red as she screamed at Harley and Peter while Tony intervened. I could not hear anything because all I could think of my wife was here right in front of my eyes since the day, I woke up the one thing I prayed for was her and my second chance. Here she was the same, the resemblance was uncanny as I caught some words uttered from her mouth most technical term confusing me but one-word Ultron which seemed totally out of place. I just concluded a danger was avoided by her; she was the savior after all I patiently waited in my seat for her to acknowledge my presence. To rush by my side and kiss my face when a thought entered my mind, she was Anastasia Stark. She was the one I saw conversing and then locking lips with Loki, the one true love of Loki, the daughter of Tony and the Harley Quinn I kissed on Halloween. But she was also Jocelyn my wife, how could this be? What was happening, was this some magic or illusion? She looked identical and made my heart feel the same way whenever I was in her presence?  
How could Jocelyn even survive so many years in the exact age? Did she manage to replicate the super solider serum which she was adamant of in the past? Did she travel through time in this generation? Or was she just a shadow of my wife here to torment me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Fifteen: Steve investigates to find the link between Anastasia and Jocelyn. He finds a clue when he visits a certain Hank Pym.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maria helps Steve understand the eldest Stark sibling in a better light. Steve finally have a conversation with Anastasia and it leaves him confused. He meets with Hank Pym and the mystery surrounding the death of Jocleyn is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.

Chapter 15

  
2015

  
New York

  
Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

  
We could all be indulged in a war against superior intelligence and multiple ironman armies that very moment had it not been Anastasia to shut the entire thing before it even started. Honestly I like most stood silent trying to understand as the children and their father spoke in codes and technology, Harley and Peter keeping their defense to minimum. They had played around with Loki’ s specter trying to contain the energy into an artificial intelligence like J.A.R.V.I.S, their intentions were pure but the recklessness could have cost many lives. In middle of the room those two boys were mercilessly interrogated by Tony and Anastasia while Loki sat on the armchair looking intensively into the specter, Stephen by side of his fiancé trying to defuse the situation. I could see that Natasha was eager to help the kids maybe the maternal instinct in her but she remained rooted to her position by Clint‘s side. Sam exchanged his glances between them and Loki; he caught himself staring more than once at the God of Mischief. Maria was the first to leave the room probably to make a call to Fury and inform him of the mischief managed and the only person qualified enough to interrupt this was me. But I was drowning because my thoughts were fixed on Anastasia, she looked exactly like Jocelyn till the very last detail but she was not my wife. She could not be it was impossible for Jocelyn to survive that long and yet look so young even if she had managed to make the replica of serum then her physical appearance would change but it did not deflect any super solider strength.

  
I could not march up to her and demand answers as to why she looked exactly like my wife, she was after all the daughter of Ironman and sister of Spiderman not to forget maybe the love flame of Loki. I was not scared of confrontation because of her super family because she herself is the real threat, after Halloween I understood she was a person of her own. She was powerful without any super power, she was courageous and brave, she would not cave so the only way to solve something as complex as her was manipulation. I cleared my voice and announced in a sincere manner,

  
“I think it is time for us to return home and as for the discussion about today’s incident I will meet Peter and Harley tomorrow afternoon to discuss the matter at length. Tony I will try my very best to keep Fury out of it and Loki I am expecting you will take care of the specter so that it no longer falls in the wrong hands,” I saw him nodding his head in a yes and he stood up but before everyone could leave I looked directly into Anastasia and said in a sincere captain voice of mine,

  
“I am expecting you too be present tomorrow to brief me about everything that went down today evening; I am expecting your full corporation”

  
She nodded in a yes as we all wished goodbye and dispersed, I walked Maria out and offered her a ride home she accepted graciously as we left the tower to the Stark- Strange family and Loki. On our way back to her place I convinced her to keep S.H.I.E.L.D out of it as the boys did not need to feel further pressurized and threatened, she obliged reluctantly trusting on my better judgment. I guess being a war hero from the World War II era has its perks and privilege so I took a leap and decided to dig her further into Anastasia but doing it so cautiously that no one would doubt it, I asked her,

  
“Anastasia did really save us today but I am old fashioned and so I am always on my guard. You must understand Maria that the safety of my team is my top priority and only that is why I ask, is Anastasia someone we can trust? I mean everyone know of her close friendship with Loki and that person is not someone anyone can truly trust”

  
“Yes, he indeed seems very strange and weird but he has proved himself as an ally so I think we can trust him but it is good to keep out a watch for him. He was after all a double agent for us during the attack on New York. As for Anna, she is just a girl scared to lose her family and also incredibly talented. We can trust her”

  
“I understand but we also have no knowledge of her, everything about her is so well hidden by Tony whom I can imagine is only a father’s concern but it is dangerous to have someone so close to the team about whom we know nothing of”

  
“That is actually neither Tony nor Anna’s fault, when the news of her was spread to the world many girls had come claiming to be the mother to media and also her life was in danger so Howard Stark her grandfather had made a pact that unlike his own son his granddaughter would always remain in shadow for her own protection. We know very little of her in fact if something was to go wrong then she has the privilege to vanish without a trace but we can trust her”

  
I nodded at her as the remaining ride was silent, I reached her apartment and just before she stepped out she looked and me saying,

  
“I was a news reporter for World Wide news, another mission of mine I had a partner Eve Polastri, she was the architect of the mission. After six months of perfection our covers were blown someone had betrayed us, we were on the run and received instruction from Fury to separate. The mission was against a one of the most talented assassin, she went by the name Villanelle. Eve did not return instead she went ahead with the mission to save the life of Obadiah Stane Junior, the minority shareholder of Stark Industries. Anna was in college second year and she worked there as an intern by the name of Jade, on the night of the attack she was there in the very building. She escorted Eve and Obadiah safely through the back doors while she stood there confronting Villanelle buying them time. She was shot that night but the others made it safely also she was the reason we finally captured Villanelle. Even her own family does not know of this, they just think she had gone to Bahamas for a vacation, the gun shot had just brazed so we were fortunate that she was saved. I have been working with heroes all my life but she chooses to do something so heroic and yet keep it under covers, I was there with her in the hospital and that is when we grew friends. She is hidden and we know nothing of her but if it ever comes to saving the world like every member of her family she will not back down”

  
I nodded acknowledging her words and saying that I believe that Anastasia is not a danger, she smiled wishing me goodnight and disappeared into the building where an old lady greeted her as Robin, I realized that I was indeed in the dark about many people even those who were close to me. But none of them matter except for Anastasia, I could not sleep the entire night thinking about the bravery she must have shown during the night of attack she was a child prodigy so she must have been pretty young too. There was another similarity between her and my Jocelyn, I am sure my dear little doll would have done the same thing. The entire night I scribbled questions down to ask during the interrogation to Anastasia, everything and anything that could solve the riddle as to why was she the exact replica of my wife. The next day came by too quickly and so did the meeting with Harley and Peter, they both finished their defense in less than a minute; they were scared and extremely sorry for their action. I did not stall them further for two reason, firstly I understood very less of it and secondly I was more interested in their sisters. So as it ended I gave them a classic Captain America speech that they did something wrong but their intention was not wrong, they simply were too indulged in the Avengers but boys of their age should enjoy their life. I restricted Peter and Harley from indulging in anymore Avenger activity including Peter saying goodbye to Spiderman for the next six months. They accepted it and apologized again, their sister did not have an aura of oppression as she entered, she was late firstly which meant she was not awaiting this the way I was. The moment she entered I knew I would lose my mind; she was wearing a bright red pantsuit ditching the shirt for a low neckline crop satin white shirt that was hidden by the blazer. If she walked around like this in my time she would be sued for distracting the public and causing accidents but here no one even dared to meet her eye as she clicked her white heels into the floor walking to me. Her hair tied in a sleek pony tail hiding nothing of her face that had minimum make up with red bright lip sticks in her lips. She entered the room and before I could even open my mouth she showed up her hand to me as she whispered something and that is when I spotted her ear piece, she then without an invitation sat and started to draw pattern on her stark pad while announcing to the room,

  
“Please go ahead Captain; I am ready to answer everything,”

  
I might have had imagined it but she indeed stretched on the last word, I cleared out my throat as she looked at me, I was ready to ask her all the logical and reasonable question I had jolted down after an extensive research on Artificial Intelligence on the internet last night yet when she looked at me I lost myself. I felt a burn in my throat, I felt every sense in my body heightened and finally the words escaped my mouth very softly,

  
“What does your name mean?” she looked a little shocked but quickly recovered and replied,

  
“It is a Greek word meaning resurrection; it was kept by my grandfather. He believed that I reminded him of someone”

  
“Of whom?” I asked curiously masking the impatient tingle I felt in my bone accepting the answer to be Jocelyn but she disappointed me when she said,

  
“I don’t know, I was a toddler when he passed away. I just know of the things that he passed on to Daddy. Is that all you want to know about Captain?”

  
I thought for some time and then I signed, I realized that there was nothing she could tell me; the accurate person would be her father, Tony Stark. I did want to spend more time with her for reason unknown to even me, so I inquired about the incident and in few minutes she understood my difficulty with technology. She did not hurriedly briefed me taking advantage of my flaw instead she took great care and explained me every small detain even those I was too embarrassed to ask. She was indeed the daughter of Tony Stark, wrapped in smartness but filled with warmth. The meeting went on for more than an hour and though still very cloudy I found the gist of it, she was very patient indeed as our conversation drawn to an end I felt to risk a little more when she asked if there was anything more I needed to know and I asked,

  
“Is this the way you choose to go to the office?”

  
“Yes Captain. Apparently not everyone can dress up as a Disney character right,” she smirked

  
“I was the Phantom of Opera that night,” I cleared

  
“I know” she said confidently and walked away leaving me confused as I glanced down at myself. I was not dressed as a Disney character, I was wearing a blue jean with a white v shaped shirt and a red jacket, which character is that now. I got the answer later in the evening it was Troy Bolton, it was time for me to look a little more my age and I had to admit my wardrobe was the courtesy of mostly Sharon. I think I have to get a new look altogether, I did not know why but maybe something current would be good, I was not in the army so maybe this time I could grow my beard and go for some dark colors and leather. I was not comfortable with that attire before because it was associated with mafia gang but times have changed and so have fashion I mean now people get tattoos on their body even without belonging to any gang. Apart from that I also need to start solving the complication from the end so I arranged to meet Tony the following week but was disappointed to find Anastasia gone already. We had lunch as Stephan had taken the boys for an outing, I had requested to meet with Tony privately and his family obliged. He was curious from the very beginning and finally before dessert I confessed,

  
“I have been running away from it for too long trying to avoid it hoping that my pain will be dissolved with my ignorance. But I need to know where did Jocelyn dispose of all our belonging, it was the last attachment of my life with her. I loved her so much and now I am left with nothing not even our wedding ring, I want to gain repossession of something at least those that had sentimental values to it, I am willing to buy back them but I do not know where they were sold. Can you help me Tony?”

  
“I want to help but even I do not know where was each thing sold, they were not documented and the money was used to charity so the trace is very difficult to find but I will try my best. I know that your wedding ring and every personal work, I mean her research and everything was send off to Hank Pym after her death. I can give you his address, his son-in-law Scott Lang works as an engineer in the Stark industries”

  
I thanked him as he handed me an address after lunch and by evening I was standing in front of a modest house in the east village. I knocked a few times and it was answered by an elderly lady she welcomed me graciously as the first thing I noticed on her hand was the wedding ring that was wore by my wife. I waited patiently and soon was joined by the man himself Hank Pym. He told me first that Tony had already mentioned about my arrival and then he handed a box and said,

  
“I was an orphan and I was left at the doorstep of the church with a blanket only, they took me in but they did not have enough financial aid to provide me medical help. The doctors had given me only two years yet after a year the orphanage started to receive anonymous donation for my medical requirement. I was treated and even started school, my childhood was rough as most days I fell sick but with time and advancement of modern medicine my chance of survival became better. I finished school and college, the donations were send every week without a fail so when I got my first job I wanted to thank them and maybe even repay them. I was informed from the orphanage that initially the donation came from Howard Stark and once women were allowed to open bank accounts till the very last donation it came from Jocelyn Grant Rogers‘s account. I had traveled to New York to meet her and to thank her she had taken the entire day off and she entertained me, cooked lunch for me listened to me. She told me that I was a good human and after that we always wrote to each other, I visited her every Christmas until her last few years when she had locked herself in her research. Her news of death was devastating, when I went to her funeral her body lying on the casket, her face completely disfigured by the blast. I could not control my tears”

  
“A blast you say in New York?” I inquired,

  
“Oh Yes! It was a blast in her lavatory in Stark Tower in New York, she was working on her research and something went wrong and there was a blast, she lost her live. In the funeral Maria Stark handed me a box containing her research papers and some of her personal item, she told me that Aunt Jace would want me to have them but I think they rightfully belong to you,” saying this he handed me the box as I noticed the blanket and he quickly took it out claiming it was his, the blanket he had mentioned earlier. I felt like everything around me was spinning as I looked at his face and asked,

  
“What is your complete name?”

  
“Henry Hank Pym”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Sixteen: The truth to Bucky' s death is unfolded and Jocelyn blames him for the death of her brother.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth about Bucky' s death is unfolded and Jocelyn blames Steve for the same. She escapes him and find refuge with Howard only for Steve to destroy him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic

Chapter 16

  
1947

  
New York

  
Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

  
Power and Hope often confused as foe are actually old friends; they both twist and turn the minds of common human turning them insane. They both filled with greed, they both want to grow stronger on someone, bloody parasites they are if you ask me. I will say hope is way worst than power because at least power keeps you focused and logical while hope truly drives you insane and leaves you helpless. The death of Bucky drowned me with the feeling of helplessness came when all hopes were washed away from me, the first few days every time I closed my eyes I prayed that when I wake up all of this becomes just a bad nightmare. I prayed every time in to turn back the clock and find my best friend in flesh and blood, I hoped every single waking moment of my life to just be with him. I had always understood that nothing could ever supersede my duty towards my nation but after losing Bucky I realized that the very few people who mattered to me were the one who always loved and supported me. My Jocelyn had lost a piece of herself the day we lost Bucky but she spends her time recollecting her parents and I, she was there every time I broke into her arms crying and wailing that I could not save him. In those days I desperately wished for her to get mad at me, scream accusation at me because I was desperate to feel anything other than the grief of losing my dear old friend. She did not instead she kept reminding me that I had spend my life devoted to our friendship and it was just a rather unfortunate event that he had lost his life. She was the pillar holding the house together while I spend my days inside the house sleeping most days and drinking most evenings wishing that either my sleep or my intoxication take me to my death but neither happened to me. I knew the grief of gambling the life of my best friend would burdened me for my entire life but something else, very nasty came my way something I had never anticipated in my entire life, the truth.

  
After two months the train driver was captured and with him came the evidence of the Minox, I was immediately ordered at the headquarters and it was my tragedy that I invited Jocelyn along, to see Bucky in his last moments. The recording was highly confidential and only we were to be shown of first, I remember both of us dressed in the same black attire that we wore for his closed casket funeral. I noticed Peggy on entering the building but we just greeted each other with a small smile because I knew the day ahead of me and my wife would be harsh and we needed each other the most at that time. She was almost never cold but as we entered the room she shivered, I kept my arm around her shoulder and squeezed it lightly to silently say that I would always be there protecting and supporting her. She looked at my face and then again ahead, some condolences were exchanged before the man started the recording. It was horrible I could imagine myself again in the same scene, I felt numb and completely paralyzed as I heard my little doll sob by my side silently watching the last few moments of her brother fighting those Hydra bastards so gallantly. It all seemed the same before something else caught my attention for the first time, Bucky was off the open area clutching to the rods for his life much earlier this time and it seemed as though he was screaming maybe for help, maybe from me. I was inches away from him but completely absolved in finishing off Schmidt suddenly memories came flooding in my mind as his scream reached my ears finally. I realized the time it actually happened I did not want to let go off my arch nemesis fearing I would never get another chance, I acted selfish and let my best friend die while trying to be a hero . I heard a gasps from Jocelyn as she knelled on her floor and her voice gave the most painful scream even before Bucky lost balance, I quickly told off all the other people to give us privacy as they obliged. As the last person exited I looked at her still kneeling down on the floor with her head buried in her hands and her loud sobs filled the room. I had tears roll down my cheek as I kept a hand on her shoulder and she immediately pushed it away and looked at me with her bloodshot eye and said in a very firm tone,

  
“You have no right to grief over him, he was my brother and you let him die. You did not protect him, so desperate you were to be a hero that you let him die, you could have saved him, and you could have saved him”

  
She continued to muter in between her sobs, I should have saved Bucky and at that time I should have stood there and consoled her or at least let her anger on me, I deserved it but I was a coward. I cleared my voice and almost as if naturally the tears sucked back into my eyes, Steve Rogers had left the room it was just Captain America, I said to her,

  
“Jocelyn, you just saw your brother die, I think you are overwhelmed so I suggest you go back home and take the day off from all engagement, I will make sure you are safely send home by an officer. I shall meet Peggy and make an appointment with Dr. Zola, this was long awaited and a national hero has no time to grief”

  
She looked up at me at almost disbelieve and then she stumbled a little on her way to stand up, her eyes wandered around my face as if trying to find the morsel of the man whom she fell in love with in the first day. She then opened her mouth and her voice spend venom in to the air,

  
“You are a coward”

  
I stood there registering her words as she walked past me and outside the door; I shoved the computer system on the ground in anger as soon as she was away from my vision. People rushed in but dared not to ask me anything as ignoring them I walked off away, I walked through the corridors not looking for anything in particular. There were voices in my head that was screaming unintelligent words and I just want some peace, the agony was such that I felt my skeleton would rip off my body any moment. At that time I thought of the last words of Schmidt, he had said the serum had turned into monsters and he needed to kill so that the voices could be silenced, I did not understand him then and I was scared that maybe I was beginning to understand him. I did not want to kill anyone anymore the war had exhausted me, I was not longing to be a hero anymore specially after the realization dawned upon me that I was the reason Bucky lost his life that day. I could actually have saved him but I did not, I don’t even know why, I clearly heard his scream for help yet something had consumed me so much that I could not see between right or wrong. I wanted a vault where I could suck all this pain out of out body and brain, storing it away but even after walking to the end of the building I was faced with a wall staring back at me, mocking me that I was going to be struck with my horrid self forever. I suddenly felt angry, I wanted to hurt somebody desperately and I felt my only way would be by breaking open the wall. I assaulted it again and again, my knuckles bleed and my eyes gone red with rage but I kept hitting it feeling the bricks softly swift and the paint falling off. I wanted to scream and cry but could do nothing as though those were being pulled down into the deepest corner of my mind replaced with only anger and pain. It was only when few exposed bricks finally fell on the ground I realized a hand on my shoulder, I wanted it to be of Jocelyn, her warmth of forgiving me one last time. Her support I craved for but instead it was a friend, it was Peggy, I turned towards her as she embraced me. I did not cry but she kept pacing her hands up and down my head but I felt nothing, then she whispered into my ears that everything would be fine, I did not know how or even if that was possible but somehow that calmed me down. We were fortunate that it was a deserted area or the intimate though innocent moment would have been a gossip sooner. We were like that for some more moments before I composed myself and smiled at her but before I could open my mouth she spoke,

  
“Now if you thank me Rogers I might just hit you.”

  
A soft chuckle escaped my mouth as I imagined her hitting me it indeed would be a comical situation, her expression changed too quickly from soft to concern as she continued,

  
“You are not at fault no matter what anyone says, it was important to end Schmidt or God knows how many people would have died by now. Everybody feels that life is just choosing between good and bad but life is complicated and sometimes you have to choose between two difficult things. In Britain the group of scientist who cracked the Morse code with Enigma made a tough call to take action against some attack and to let some other happen, that freed us from the clutches of the war two years earlier. The choices were tough but as I said life is complicated, that day on the train the choice to save Bucky or put an end to Hydra was difficult, you let go off your best friend not because you are selfish Rogers but because you are a good man and you thought of greater good. There is absolutely nothing that you could have done”

  
I registered her each and every word very carefully into my mind as I wished her goodbye and she escorted me out of the building. She also before leaving invited me to join her to interrogate the Hydra prisoner including Dr. Zola and bringing them to the other side, to our side. I told her I would give it a though as I looked out to see the evening sky already dawning over me, as I drove back to my apartment I paid extra care to everyone around that day. I could not help but feel proud of myself, had I not put an end to Hydra they would all be crumbled to dust, Jocelyn was a child she had always been, in times of grief she just needed someone to be blamed. I thought about her with not anger but as an object with no mind of her own someone who needed my guidance to understand the good from the bad. I had completely forgotten that my little doll had a huge intellect and enormous courage within her, she was always right I was a coward but she always stood for people. I had forgotten everything I was so wrapped up in the shinny idea of greater good that I forgot the situation I was in did not need the necessity, Hydra was reshuffling any immediate danger was not apprehended. Those were the thoughts that occurred much later to me as that evening all I felt was pride about my action, I felt proud that Bucky lost his life as a martyr. I wanted to confront Jocelyn and share this new idea with her but I entered to an empty apartment, knowing she had very few places to go me immediately started the search which led me to first her parents. They were still unaware of our earlier discussion but they did give me valuable information that Jocelyn was in her office with Howard, I graciously thanked them acting as if I had forgotten that she did earlier mention it to me. They trusted me like their own, they always have hence they did not doubt me as I drove to her office only to be stopped by a security personnel. He was scared of me and he kept repeating to me that entry had been restricted to any visitor, I unable to contain my anger threatened him to let me in or I would ripe him pieces by pieces. The old fellow terrified let me in at once; I do not know if that evening I would act onto my words, I might have because the news of having your wife entertain a stranger at such an hour would boil any husband’s blood. We had a small disagreement a few hour ago and here she was finding solace in her new lover’s arm, disgracing our relationship and if someone was to know of this, then what would become of my reputation. I marched into the room only to find Jocelyn in a glass room behind a counter with bleaker surrounding her as she concentrated on something. I walked inside and even before I could make it to her I felt something pointed at my head, I looked sideways to find that Howard, my trusted loyal friend was holding a gun to my head. I smiled at him as he said to me,

  
“A single step towards her and this gun is going to be fired at you, I know your body will recover but never returned, I will make you my own personal lab rat”

  
She looked at me with her lips twisted in a smirk as I did not break the eye contact and said to her,

  
“I see you made yourself a little team doll, that is adorable. I know your mind is corrupt with ideas and this opportunist is just taking advantage”

  
“I may be an opportunist Captain but you are no hero either. There is nothing special about you and you are a threat,” he interrupted noisily. I found myself very angry and very quickly as I quickly turned towards him disarming him and holding his neck raising him off the floor. I saw panic in her eyes and fear in his she rushed by my side but I tackled her with one hands, my grip growing firm by seconds as I was ready to see the life being sucked out of his tiny body. I heard her pleading finally to let him go and she would come with me, I turned my attention towards her to see tears in her eyes as I let him go and he fell on the floor with a thud nursing his bruised neck. I took her by her arms as I dragged her across the room she kept screaming at me that she would come with me but never for another day she would love me or even acknowledge me, she would find a way to fight me, she would someday be so far out of my reach completely. I turned one last time towards Howard who feebly tried to make a move towards us in order to save her as I said in a voice ice cold,

  
“Be prepared for a visitation from the Defense Minister Obadiah tomorrow after all he too must be aware that budding new weapon company Stark Industries heavily is selling the weapon design of USA army in the black market”

  
I saw color fade of his face as I turned back and dragged my personal rag doll to the car, she was silent as she tried to register my threat and to figure if I would really follow on it. The ride home was a silent one as we entered the apartment, I did not further stretch the fight because I knew small and little doses was what she needed to obey me. She too dazed and confused slept off in the bed anticipating my return or at least my reaction but instead I quickly made a call to Peggy, to an outsider it would sound as if we spoke of our day but she had taught me some secret codes. So I informed her that she must inform the military about Howard’s illegal business, she asked me once if I was speaking the truth but I simply replied to her that the consequences were very much vital to me. I went to join my wife on her bed and as she slept peacefully while I nursed the bruises formed on her arm as I had dragged her down the corridor. I kissed her for head silently as I could feel her breathe uneven for a moment; I understood she was still not asleep. I kept my arms securely around her waist and once in my deepest slumber sleep I found her struggling to get off my grip. I whispered into her ear not to and that was the first time she cried herself to sleep, there were more nights to be followed. The next morning we woke up and everything seemed to normal none of us spoke, except for me kissing her cheek when I wished her good morning while she prepared breakfast. I bought the newspaper inside and placed it on the counter for her to see properly, on the very first page information of finding connection between Howard and some black market smuggler. She had a glance at it before I proudly read the news that there was a military raid the previous night finding un-accountant weapons in the factory, of arresting Howard and making Obadiah Stane Junior the son a temporary new director to see the internal matters of the company. Maria Stark would be bought to questioning soon and she would accommodate herself with their house butler, Jarvis’s family as all Stark properties would be seized and searched. In my mind I had to thank Peggy for carefully planting the weapon and tipping the media she truly was a phenomenal spy. After I read the news Jocelyn turned towards me handling me a cup of freshly brewed coffee, she did not say or react in anything just waiting for me to sip the liquid. I brought the cup closer to my lips and just before taking the first drop I looked at her and said,

  
“Henry is alive and only I know where he is so doing not do anything to jeopardize his situation. We all saw how it went with Stark”

  
She stood there for sometime before she nodded and excused herself, but as she walked past me she stumbled and her hand hit my cup as it fell on the floor with the coffee spilling all over the floor. She nervously chuckled and briefly accused my huge frame of towering her before advising me to take a bath while she would clean up and prepare another cup. In a few days I realized the cup was not poison but infiltrated with something more dangerous than death. That day I felt no threat from her so I walked to the bathroom feeling invincible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Seventeen: Jocelyn makes the ultimate sacrifice to save her son and her beloved. Steve grows darker and ill-treats her but she is not the one to be bullied easily.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Dark Steve Rogers. This chapter contain the real incidents of sending women to asylum under perfect health, domestic violence and manipulative behavior. If you are uncomfortable you can read the summary and escape the chapter completely.  
> Steve brings Howard back from prison and gives back to him his company and all his property but keeps Obadiah Stane as a supervisor. Steve finds out that Howard and Jocelyn were trying to replicate the serum. Jocelyn stands up to him at every step, she decided to stay with him but does not surrender to him. Steve takes help of a police captain and sends his wife to an asylum for three months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic

Chapter 17

  
1947

  
New York

  
Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

  
I will fight for her, I have always been doing so in spite of her disrespecting me and hurting me always but we are soul mate, we are forever. I am not ready to give up on us and even it takes me to burn down the whole world I will keep her by my side, she is all that I have, she is my family. Jocelyn may be angry at me, she may never trust me again and her love may fade every day she stays with me while her friend is in jail and her son tossed somewhere in orphanage but she will be with me. I will do anything just to have her by my side, she worshiped me and never thought I could do anything wrong and I loved her trusting her blindly but here we both are continuously challenging each other’s authority. Every morning as I leave for work, she leaves the house too but in different government department trying and pleading to find a way to rescue her friend from jail sometimes spending the entire day with Maria consoling her poor soul. On weekends she spend searching every orphanage for a child that could be her son, she is fighting and disrespecting me. The newspaper is filled with news of her infidelity they claim that she is fighting for Howard because they had an illicit affair; I wanted them to shut it down immediately but was advised against it because women were being pulled back into the culture of household rather than profession after the news. I lost respect though and many girls approached as they felt bad for the Golden Boy who was betrayed by his own friend and wife, the story however was so different. Jocelyn could never betray me, she did not believe in so and that is what gave me confidence that she loves me or else why would she search for a child who is as good as alive as death. She stopped being herself around me; she did not dare to move away because she knew that I could destroy everything she loves at one moment. She stayed yet was absent around me, we did not sleep in the same bed anymore and it killed me to sleep alone in the cold bed, Peggy was a great friend. She encouraged me that one day Jocelyn would see through and really love me again; she would understand that everything that I was doing was just to protect her. I waited patiently for two whole months but nothing in her changed and I had just lost hope that maybe our entire life would be spend in this manner. But things changed when the Head Scientist insisted on a meeting with me and declared that from the things confiscated from the Stark Industries a conspiracy was brewing between Jocelyn and Howard. They were trying to recreate my serum, it was an unbelievable betrayal I do not remember much detail of the day but I do remember rushing out of the building driving back home. I had paced around the house breaking whatever came in my contact as I waited for her, she came in soon too and fear covered her face, she had never seen me so incredibly angry. I could see that her hands turned towards the door knob but I was faster as I grabbed her by her shoulder squeezing them while she screamed to be freed. I hissed in her ear to be silent and asked her in a dangerous voice,

  
“Did you really think that you can defeat me by making a replica of the serum? THERE IS ONLY ONE CAPTAIN AMERICA, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?”

  
I screamed at her face as her whole body shook in fear and tears monumentality escaped her eyes, she shuttered some words which made sense that she was making the serum so that no other child of our dies. I did not believe her she was obviously lying and Howard was in it, maybe the news article were not all wrong. She did betray me and not just once but twice, I loved her and I spend my entire life being better for her and she betrayed me, I understood that whatever I do can never be enough. She had spent her entire life feeling the one in power and now that the dynamics of our relationship had changed she could not handle it, every other thing she said was a lame excuse. She just wanted to be my equal if she could not be superior to me, my entire life she made me feel less than her, less smart, less powerful and now that it was my turn she could not take it. Her stuttering gave me a headache and I screamed asking her to shut up. Her fear only rose as she struggled more to defend herself but all I wanted for her was to just shut up and she kept yapping it was irksome. I could not control my anger and without any coordination with my brain my wrist went in full force and hit her face on her left side. Everything went silent instantly as I felt my grip on her loose, she looked at me shocked with her glassy eyes as she kept her hand on the corner of her eye and cheek that bruised already. Her breathing started to be even as I looked at her one last self debating with myself if at all it was wrong of me to hit her but she had cooked a recipe of my death with Howard, she broke my heart and spirit I am sure a small punch would do no harm. I would not be the first husband in the history to strike his wife, sometimes we need to discipline them or else they would run mad, everyone did it. I mean it was not like I was disloyal, it was a punch and while striking I did not even mean to hurt her but she would just not shut her mouth. If anything then I was the victim not she yet tears fell off her eyes and I felt bad about myself, I pushed her aside and walked out of the house. I walked the same block couple of time for hours till I finally decided to go back, it was dark already and the otherwise noisy street was extremely quite by now. I entered the apartment to find her seated by the window; I called her by her name thrice before she finally looked up and walked up to me. I was about to inquire about dinner when she grabbed my collar pulled my face inches away from her and spoke in an extremely low voice,

  
“I do not know how but Howard Stark will be back with his wife tomorrow evening, you will get it done for him. I know my son is out there somewhere and I do not want to find him anymore but if something as little as a scratch comes upon him I will make your life a living hell Steven Grant Rogers. Lastly this behavior will not be tolerated if the next times you even think of raising your voice at me I will rain down hell on you. You might be powerful because of your silly serum but I have always been my own savior so do not test me. You want to play house fine I will but if you hurt my people anymore then be aware I will not back down from a fight this time”

  
She let go off my collar and stared at me as I felt I lost some balance, she walked back to the bedroom and closed the door with a thud. I understood that she must have a concussion and might have behaved irrationally, so like a good husband I cooked us dinner and even slept on the coach. The next morning when I woke up I saw her dinner was left untouched but a breakfast for one was prepared and also finished, I found the culprit sitting by the window and reading something. I looked at the time and realized that I was getting late for work and it was too early for confrontation, that day I told Peggy that we must conjure a plan to return Howard to Stark industries because ultimately he was the weapon designer. I did not do this because of what Jocelyn had said, I did so because Obadiah Stane Junior indeed would run the business into grounds, he was released by afternoon and all his properties returned by evening. The status of his ownership had changed with making Obadiah Stane Junior his supervisor and no action of invention, research, execution or administration would be done without his permission. I did not greet Howard but whoever did they said the man looked like the skeleton of the person he used to be, prison had broken him just the way I had accepted him to be. The things at home changed drastically Jocelyn moved around the house like a hollow corpse, she did not cook me meal or even cleaned. She simply lay on bed the whole day listening to music or reading those books of her and scribbling down something in her notebook violently. She never spoke to me properly she always met me with sarcasm and cruelty; the worst happened when that very week we were invited over for dinner. Her bruises were still there and I made a request to her for hiding it with makeup but she laughed at my face later during the dinner when the mayor asked about that injury. Even before I could reply she said that it was me who had done it to her, not in a sympatric or agitated manner just like stating a fact as she went back to her soup while the entire room kept silent. I did the damage control when I told them that she is joking and she was hurt while doing some household work, the room uncomfortable laughed agreeing to it. When we reached back home I stopped her before she could enter the bedroom just to slam the door on my face and asked her,

  
“What is wrong with you doll? You do not clean or cook, you do not even touch me or say that you love me anymore”

  
She looked at me and suddenly her expression changes as she looked at me the same way she used to before with tears in her eyes as she looked into my eyes and said,

  
“As a matter of fact, Eat Shit Captain”

  
This pushed all my buttons the ones I did not even know I had, I grabbed her arm as the stone cold expression on her face plastered it completely and I slapped her. She would lose her balance and fall down had I not hold her, she did not cry or react at all she simply looked into my face till I let go off her. I opened my mouth to say something but she beat me again as she said,

  
“I don’t feel like talking. I feel distraught”

  
She said that and there bang went the bedroom door, I pushed my face into the cushion of the make shift bed on the kitchen and screamed into it. I wanted some reaction from her but she had just turned so cold, only had I known that she was not one to be bullied. The next day as I was having my breakfast I watched her walk towards me with something in her bleaker, she had much before turned a corner of the apartment in her lavatory. I looked at her curiously as she twirled around the kitchen in small spin with the hair covering her bruised cheek and eye for a moment and then revealing it again. I was so lost in her face that I failed to notice when the liquid from her bleaker poured down into my hands, I screamed at agony as I looked at her face. She smiled and said she did not notice the bleaker was filled and walked up without nursing me or even apologizing me. I screamed at her to help me but she just sat there enjoying her coffee as I used the strength of one hand to apply ointment and then bandage myself. Any normal burn would not affect me but this was an acidic one hence the pain though by that afternoon only the healing process had started for me. I realized that she was still challenging my authority and I had to put her in place in a way husbands had done for centuries.

  
I thought about it for many hours debating my own self whether what I was doing was right or wrong too caught up to even understand a single thing that Peggy spoke of Dr. Zolo’ s algorithm, a price I would pay in near future. I spend a little extra hour dwelling in the office before I finally made my way to the police station, to reuse an old contact an army friend who was the police captain of my area. I met him and he was confused to at my arrival but understood that it was discreet, so we went to his cabin as I discussed the matter in detail. He had a hint as to my visitation, most men came to him not to record crime but insanity of the women in their houses and he very discreetly took care of them placing them in an asylum which was so private that it was buried within. The women were tortured mentally and physically, they were given shock therapy it was a way for them to behave better, if at glance then there was actually nothing wrong with those women but yet they were kept in the mental asylum with no help at all. They were women who did not matter whose family members put them there because they feared leaving them free would smudge their family name. It was infamous for transforming lesbians into straight a conversion theory so tough that after which only corpse returned and not the soul. I confided in him that all the articles in news were true but I believed that my young wife had been corrupt by ideas put into her head by Howard Stark and she needs a place to think clearly. She had been hurting herself and spinning tails in which she believes but are not the truth, he understood and seemed to conclude her behavior at the Mayor’ s place as a part of her hysteria. He confirmed that he would support me and give his best to help me keeping the entire process discreet, I told him that his loyalty would indeed be rewarded. He advised me on the procedure I must adapt in order to bring her to the facility, he said that the asylum was famous for housing women of notable families hence extremely discreet and he would put Jocelyn into solitary confinement risking the knowledge of her identity a top secret. I accepted it all and rode back to my house, there she was my little doll just sleeping on the bed with a book in her hand, for a moment I felt as though nothing would change. I realized that if the asylum was as good as the rumors go then she would return to me modified and behaved, they had exceptional good result as the women never went bad after their treatment. It was done by doctors and medical people with science so obviously all this hatred she had for me would be gone and she would understand my actions, she would stand by my side. I also knew she was not suffering from mental disease but it was necessary for her not to cross the line and if I could not intimidate her then let this scare her enough. I loved her and all I wanted for her to be happy and in love with me, does that make me a bad person? I at that time did not think so after all a little electric shock and medicine would not do her any harm. I thought the best of her and woke her up slightly as she looked into my eyes with confusion on her face. I knelled down as I kissed her forehead and looking into her eyes I said,

  
“I cannot fight you anymore my dear little doll, I love you and want the very best for you. If meeting with Henry makes you happy then so be it, if you want to work on the procedure it is fine by me. I am genuinely sorry for what happened with Bucky but you must understand love that I would never hurt him, I was blinded but his death destroyed me too. I want to make amends and I want to start them now so if you could please get dressed I think it is time to get our son back home.”

  
Suddenly after months of coldness she wrapped her arms around my neck as she buried her head into my neck wailing and crying like a child. She kept crying and after some time she got dressed and then she smiled at me as she took my hands we walked down then into the car. We drove by and we did not speak just her hands on mine, she looked out of the window and hummed a beautiful tune. She was happy after months there was glittering joy in her eyes and her cheek had found the rose, after months she wore vibrant colors I could see Jocelyn back but I knew it was temporary. As we reached the deserted facility which was guarded with huge wired walls she started to grow uneasy but I smiled at her assuring her that everything would be fine, the moment she saw the board on the building she screamed and tried to unlock the car. I held her by her arms as she cried for me to not send her away, she has always been an intelligent women and knew that the fate had something too dreadful stored for her. I parked outside the solitary cabin and pulled her out of the building and dragged her out, soon I found assistant as two nurses took hold of her and I watched her being dragged with them. She cried and screamed at me with tears flowing down her eyes,

  
“Please Stevie do not do this to me, I am sorry for everything but please do not do this, you have no idea they will kill me here. Please Stevie if you love me please just save me. GOD DAMIT STEVE DON’T JUST STAND THERE SAVE ME …please”

  
I could not hear the end of it a huge metal door was shut and her voice died with it; the doctor came and assured me that she would be fine. He said that the treatment would take three months as he would apply an experimental speed theory and I must meet her at the end not before. I nodded and went inside my car, I cried the way back home because I wanted to save her but if I did she would definitely leave me. I wanted her to stay desperately and that time the line completely disappeared, the only person I could turn to in the wreck state was Peggy. That evening I went to her house as she saw my state and came to my aid, I told her everything and even she believed that I was making a bigger sacrifice for the betterment of Jocelyn. She too understood my justification, she supported me and was a true friend in a state of weakness, I do not know who initiated it or how it felt but that night we shared our most intimate emotions and our body. That was the first night I cheated on Jocelyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy my work without my permission. Everyone of you are incredibly strong and I wish all the best.  
> Take care and stay safe.  
> Chapter Eighteen: Jocelyn comes back from the asylum. She endures more torture and finally they have a big fight on the morning of his crash.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Dark Steve Rogers. This chapter contain domestic violence and manipulative behavior. If you are uncomfortable you can read the summary and escape the chapter completely.  
> Jocelyn comes back from the asylum and becomes the dutiful wife except she screams every time Steve tries to get intimate with her. Steve takes advice from his doctor and rapes his wife repeatedly while having an affair with Peggy. By Christmas that year Steve realizes that Jocelyn had been poisoning him and he confronts her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic

Chapter 18

1947

New York

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

  
My little doll never came back to me, she died the day I left her behind the cold metal walls of the mental asylum; I just wanted Jocelyn to love me again and respect me both as her husband and the hero of the nation. She did not, she came back as a cruel and heartless, she came back cold and unintelligent, unable to comprehend anything or react to anything. I did not apprehend this though most of the women returned like her but she was my brave little doll I wanted to discipline her not erase her personality eternally. I had my doubts but I am a naïve man who trusted those with medical degrees, I felt so terrible leaving her behind but what other choices did I ever have, I am certain I would be a mess to had Peggy not comforted me in those horrible three months. I remember that early morning when I received a phone call from the institute that she had bitten a nurse ‘s ear off, they assured me that everything was in control and wanted my permission before administrating some drugs on her. I was horrified by that incident and begged them to try anything on her that would eradicate her violent nature, this was no way a prudent person would behave aggressively assaulting innocent people.

  
The process was helpful because every week I had requested for a report on her and as weeks passed by her reports improved, she was even moved away from solitary confinement because she was in her best behaviors. I still remember the day clearly when she finally returned to me. I had gone directly from my office still in my uniform and there she was standing meekly behind two enormous nurses peeking at me and just like that everything came back. I forgot all the protocols that came with my uniform, my eyes swelled up with tears as she confirming with the nurse one last time rushed towards me and embraced me. I embraced her and kissed her forehead saying that I missed her, as she whispered that she loved me, she at that moment was perfectly splendid. The few days followed were like walking on clouds, she lied perfectly to her family when they inquired about her academic tour to Italy. She cooked and cleaned for me, insisted that I do not lift a finger apologizing to me for her rude behavior, she lived and breathed for me, drew baths for me and never left my side. She still sided away when I tried to be intimate with her which the doctors did mention would be a temporary side effects , I did not mind because more than her body I craved her attention which she poured on me all lovingly and willingly. The first month upon her arrival was spend blissfully but after that my real trouble started, it all happened one evening when she was preparing my favorite potato soup for me she looked so happy humming to herself and dancing around the kitchen. She was blissfully unaware of my arrival and as my eyes were fixed on her beautiful figure, I had a sudden urge to feel her completely; I placed my hands on her waist as I kissed her ears silently. She jumped and screamed as she struggled to get out of my embrace, I was completely shocked by her and turned immobile as she withdrew herself completely from me and kneeled down at a corner of the room with her face in her hands. It took her a few moment as she composed herself and returned to her cooking as though nothing at all happened, I decided to ignore it as well as we had a peaceful dinner that evening. By the end of the week I visited the doctor again to inform him of this new problem, he informed that she needed to be bought back to normalcy and that would require me to continue with my conjugal duties specially if she protested violently that would be the only way. I left his office feeling agitated that he had failed to cure my wife completely and it still laid hugely on me, but I was determined to fight for my love because I do not give up and I will never give up on her. It so happened that a few nights later while we laid on our bed talking animatedly about everything under the stars, I placed a hand on her cheek to see her flinch a little looking at me confused. I had to ease her into it as I placed a hand on her waist pulling her body closer to mine, she opened her mouth probably to scream as I trapped her lips with mine, my tongue shoving her down her tongue as my lips tightly wrapped around her, letting her breathe only through my mouth. I felt her body struggling to get out of my grip as I slammed her body into mine, I felt her legs flapping and kicking trying to distance herself from me as her tongue struggling for dominance. I understood that she was not enjoying it now but by the time I would be done with her she would be calm and satisfied just like the good old time and it was not like I was breaking any law. She was my wife, my mentally troubled wife who needed a little healing from her husband to be reminded of the love we shared. I parted for a moment to find some oxygen and my naughty little doll decided to be mischievous as she tilted her head and placed her teeth on the back of my shoulder blade. It did not hurt me as much as she intended too as I took a fistful of her hair and slammed her face down, her sobs and scream silent by the pillow. I turned her body as she lay on her stomach and I lay on her back with my erection against her skin. She struggled more vigorously as with my one hand I twisted both her hands above her head and with another free hand I pulled her satin red dress up. I placed my knee statically over her legs so that she could not struggle, she did try her best after that but could not keep up with the strength of a super solider. I did not waste anymore time because having to keep myself so far from her for such a long duration made me an extremely impatient man, I undid my belt and used it as a rope to tie her hands over her head, as I pushed my trousers down as they found themselves puzzled on my ankle. I did not bother to untangle them instead I grabbed her waist with one hand while pushing her face down the pillow with another, without any preparation I entered her. She screamed in pain and moved her hips to spat out my dick like some poison but her skin attached to my dick spreading its warmth, her vagina so always so comfortably wet was dried as a dessert that day only to make the friction all the more painful for her. After a few hard thrust though it opened like a faucet with her wetness, she still did scream into the pillow and struggled but her body had clearly betrayed her. I took long hard thrust into her body as I felt myself all the more powerful and energetic, I was filled with a fire that only she could put off. After sometime she just lay with her eyes dead looking at the lamp on the bedside table while I fucked her mercilessly, her sobs and scream and struggled all stopped, she just submitted to me. As I took her body inch by inch completely that night leaving trail of my love bites all over her body especially in between her inner thigh just below her vagina. She was completely motionless as I turned her, placed her legs around my waist and entrusted myself, while my neck buried at her back returning the bite she earlier placed on me, my hands grabbing a fistful of her hair pushing her face towards mine while her nails dug deeper into the bed sheet and tears rolled down her eyes. I failed to notice her struggling because I was the one on fire that night and I used her body like a rag doll till midnight when finally I was done and she was too weak both physically and mentally to react to anything. So when I got off her she just rolled to the other side and closed her eyes, I snuggled behind her placing my hands around her waist and pushing her body closer to mine. I finally felt that she was completely and truly mine, all those silly ideas in her head finally gone for good. I slept peacefully the rest of the night; our future looked so bright as I knew that she would be my soon again. I want you to understand that I never wanted to hurt you, I did not hate her I loved her, what was a man to do in my position. In those days ideas were different, I did everything that the society demanded me to do, I was like any other husband of that time and maybe in the future too, I just had more to lose than anyone else. I want to convey the message that wearing the crown of an American hero has made me faced with difficult atrocities which I fought off gallantly even in the process destroyed my family but at that time I knew no better. I am not alone to be blamed, I did wrong her, but she was no saint too, she pretended and hurt me, tore my heart into pieces and crushed my spirit.

  
I only knew of her vengeful spirit few months later, but those few months spend were pure heaven with my little doll, she never left my side always being the dutiful wife. I did struggle getting intimate with her as every time she struggled and hurled abuses at me that I was molesting a mentally ill patient but every morning when she woke up she was completely herself and acted ignorant to the last night behavior. The doctor confirmed it was a part of the procedure to healing and I must not stop, but her screams and pain were sometimes too much to take and so most nights I found myself looking at the ceiling while my fingers brushed against those freshly placed wounds on her body. She was her violent, arrogant and ignorant self when she ranted abuses of me and accused me of all those crimes, it always hit me incredibly hard. I had only Peggy to share my struggle with, she was a great friend she listened, discouraged all the accusation by Jocelyn and even worshipped my body. I was not a habitual cheater but sometimes the dark side of marital bliss attacked me mercilessly and I just needed someone who would love me entirely and I did not have to take control by force not that I would ever do that to anyone except my wife as by law we were united. As I told earlier it was not a crime, moreover Jocelyn always knew about our illicit affair when I returned with a new smell and marks on some private body part not to mention the crumbled state of my clothes and lipstick mark on my shirts. Her husband was away for an entire night and he would return in such a condition, it would take a fool to fail to notice but she never brought her possessive self the way she always did in the past instead she patiently asked for my laundry. She never questioned me or accused me like most of the things during our marriage she choose to blissfully ignore it, the doctors kept assuring me that things would be better, but I felt myself trapped in a routine. A heinous and harsh routine where my dear little doll will be a perfect wife until I touch her and she flinches making me feel nasty about my touch, screamed at my face while I try to kiss her making me feel unwanted and struggle with her timid body against my larger self-making me feel that I was raping her. I felt worse about myself, by her rejecting my body and my love I felt I brought back a human machine and the very soul of my wife was lost forever. It angered me very much, her rejection of my love and her refusal to act protective made me angry all the time so I finally did my worse. I hit her whenever she would do the smallest mistake, if she would be clumsy or drop something unintentionally, I would smack her, and she would say nothing at all. She would wipe her tear and smile apologizing to me, I did not want to be this version but all I wanted was her acknowledgement and instead I got a robotic behavior. She was healed and cured yet she was imperfect and I did not know how to fix her any longer, soon I understood that all I had left for her was anger, that she choose to wreck our home because of her brother who hated her and always made her feel less while I choose her always. She was the reason I had turned into a beast, she had brought the worse in me and I had nothing but pure bitter hate for her, the failure to tie myself away from her because she was mentally sick made me days with her more painful and irritational. By the time Christmas came around I had an entire wardrobe at Peggy’s and the only relation I had with Jocelyn was punishing her for her silly household mistake, I had even stopped touching her because I stopped loving her altogether. I felt extremely imprisoned and I wanted an out desperately not with Peggy, she was fine, but I did not want anyone in my life anymore, little did I know that my life was timed. It happened a week before Christmas, I had been feeling physically weak myself but never got myself checked because I was never supposed to be sick in the first place. It was one of the harshest winters but the morning I woke up with a bad cold, I knew that something was wrong, and my worst fear was that the effect of the procedure was slowing on me. I did not want to even think what would happen if I went back to the weak, feeble and useless self of my past, I fought everyone to reach here and I was terrified to lose everything. I wanted to hide this terrifying nightmare from everyone, but my truest friend Peggy found me, she understood right away that something was wrong, so she got it forcefully got it out of me. At first, she panicked a little but recomposed herself instantly she consoled and then she convinced me to get myself checked, it seemed like a common cold but for a super soldier as myself it was impossible for me to be have a cold. The test conducted on me were very discreet and Peggy was there with me the entire time, I did not go back home for an entire week and my wife did not even require my presence. Peggy was equally scared but she still stayed by my side bravely something that a true friend would always do, it is funny how the last few days taught me the most valuable lessons that even the truest of family can be foe when they are overpowered with vengeance. The test result came back, my common cold was due to a mixture of arsenic and lead, two chemicals so deceitfully mixed in my body for months now. I crumbled the paper and threw it on the dying fire in the fireplace, I rushed out of her house while Peggy called my name frantically asking for an explanation. She was confused but I was not, I believed that chemicals were a plaything of one person but what I did not want to believe was that person would hate me so much that she would want me to die. I walked back to my apartment that Christmas night, while the whole city celebrated, I was raging in my own fire, I wanted answers and I wanted them fast. As expected, my apartment was not in a holiday spirit, the door was locked and when I entered it I broke the lock in the process, she was in her corner her face deep in a book. She gasped as she heard an intruder, looked at me and suddenly her face was at peace, I hated how calm she looked while she had been the conspirator for my death, I scrutinized her face and then walked towards her. Suddenly it was no more my wife that I saw but that little girl who fought bullies, my eyes swelled up with tears as I could not shake off the image of her little version away from my mind. I knelled in front of her and took her hands in mine, she looked shocked at me and opened her mouth to say something, but I interrupted her when I asked,

  
“Tell me Jocelyn, do you really hate me enough to kill me? Or this is an innocent mistake that you committed unknowingly because of your bad mental condition? Please tell me that we can still work it all together?”

  
She stared at my face blankly and then stood up, she smiled at me as she announced in a slow steady tone,

  
“Aqua Tofano is not my creation but I wish it was mine because it is indigenous and deadly, can be mixed flawlessly into any liquid and kill the victim on the third dose itself, sadly it will took longer for you because I made sure it was gulped down by your body every day since I came back and yet here we are with you complaining about just a common cold”

  
Her facial expression changed, her eyes raged with anger as she gritted her teeth and spoke with bitterness,

  
“I hate you enough to kill you, but you are immortal design to live forever, I wish and pray I would kill you Captain.”

  
I was shaking from her words, I composed myself and sat on her chair as I looked at her and said painfully,

  
“But I had sent you to get better, you were getting better”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Nineteen: Steve crashes the Valkyrie and during his last few moments he realizes that he loves Jocelyn.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Jocelyn and Steve finally decides to end the marriage. Steve goes forward with the mission and understand that Dr. Zola had been cheated him. He decides to crash the Valkyrie in the Artic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic

Chapter 19

  
1947

  
New York

  
Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

  
She was suddenly overpowered with anger as she grabbed a flower vase and threw at me, thankfully it did not hit me but left me with a small mark, I looked at her astonished while she had tears ragging down her eyes as she screamed,

  
“I did not need to get better, I am the best brain in this whole fucking country but you send me to a mental institute where the doctors had lost their license to practice long back with many medical profession claiming their procedure inhuman and ineffective. The nurses who inflicted pain on the patients in way that even Hydra agents never thought of. Better you say Captain yet not for a single day did you come to visit me not even the day when I was almost raped by the head nurse and I had to bit her ears off just so that I could keep that one thing that was mine, my body. Maria visited me, though she was not allowed to yet she put her life on the line and sneaked to be with me, Howard wanted to come too but it was still too dangerous for him thanks to you Captain. They did not want me to be better because they knew I was getting worse each day told I was not mentally fine, assaulted, abused and drugged. Do you know how pathetic it feels being tortured every second of your life and being so scared that you think you will die? I would have died too had not some people showed me mercy, I acted on the advice, I fell on line acted my part and soon they thought they had treated me. I was ready to be presented to you, but not before I acquired an old recipe for poison from Maria it was her great grandmother. I had a plan to be all dutiful wife while poisoning you but every time you touched me, I felt polluted, I could not control myself and I had let myself struggle. You my Captain, violated a mental patient if we go by your definition of me and if you go by mine then you raped me.”

  
“But I did everything because I love you and wanted you to love me,” I begged

  
“No, you never do anything for anyone, not anymore. You are a monster of a man I once knew; you did everything you could to make me bend and show your power. You have are obsessed with your power, you want everyone to fear you and that is why you had send me there because even you knew that I would break completely and become a doll. Yes, the name, my little doll I always had a problem with it but I never said anything because I thought it was a playful thing to call but as we grew into this toxic struggle of a relationship I understood that you indeed perceived me as a doll hence you did what people do with dolls, you played with my life. I hate you and I spite you, but even I trusted you to change before you send me to that horrid place. If you lived a single hour there Steve you would not be accusing me of being insane instead priding me for my will to be alive. That place is made of stuff from your nightmare, I was scared, and I was alone, yet I did not lose hope because that was the only thing left with me.”

  
She went quite and looked at me waiting for me to say anything or react in any way but I sat there struck and feeling extremely sorry for what she had to endure but she was convincingly blaming me without realizing my reason. She was being over dramatic and she was just not a strong person but I was not here to conflict instead I was here to put an end to it, I did not want this, I was done feeling lonely and hated, I had been guilt ridden of cheating her but knowing that it was an act while she was already overindulged in Howard’s marriage I understood that we both might have been unfaithful to each other. I felt nothing at that thought, no anger, she did not even look like the Jocelyn I loved, she looked worn out and tired, honestly, I deserved much better than her. She had put an act and so I decided that it was my turn to play the character of the dejected and defeated husband, I ran my fingers through my hair as I looked at her and begged her,

  
“What do you want Jocelyn? Tell me and I will give it to you, I just want to end it for both of us”

  
I did beg but that is the only way to deal with a psychopath, she had a confused look and then announced,

  
“I want to be away from you forever, I want to divorce you and live my own life. I want the address of my son so that I can adopt him a few years later without smirking your name through the dirt. I want complete immunity for Howard, Maria and my parents. I want to be free Steve”

  
I looked outside the window to think for some time to realize that the sun had risen, it was a new day and I decided that my life needed to be free. I had to let go off the ropes because of my hands were burning with pain, I was not in love with her and I did not want to stay in this toxic relationship, this sad flat and neither did I want any association with a weak human who was my son. I was Captain America and it was time I lived my life as a hero, I deserved so much more and it was time I got it. I looked at her and admitted,

  
“Fine, we will get the divorce finalized by New Year, but you and your family are to leave America forever. You can have your son, the address is on the diary I keep by the bedside, but the moment the truth is even whispered that I am his father, his life will be endangered. I will keep out of Howard’s way if he does the same. It is over Jocelyn you are free, you have my words”

  
She looked at disbelief for something wondering if I had truly uttered those words as I stood up and collected myself, her eyes had tears in them as she could not imagine she was finally free and all her prayers were answered. I walked passed by her as I paused a little to see tears rolling down her cheek while her eyes fixed on the chair I had spend the entire night, I bowed my head and smashed the door shut on my way out as she collapsed on the floor with her back on the kitchen table and howled with tears. It was tears that she had suppressed for so many months enduring so innumerable pain and betrayal, I was oblivious to the fact then because I was blinded by own cause. I could not wait to be swayed by my long admirers and living my life completely, I went to work and announced of my freedom to Peggy first who was extremely delighted and treated my body very right in her cabin the very morning. The day was one of the happiest days in my life not the way it started but the way it would be ending, it was the day that Valkyrie would be released.

  
Valkyrie was a hellicarrier with nuclear codes that would attack those who were a future threat according to Zola’s algorithm, that man was a genius and I was so impressed by his work that I choose to be the one to initiate the process. I would be the one to sit with him while he navigates the hellicarrier and target his audience, it was indeed a highly government secret mission, so the only people assigned for the execution was I and Zola. I was very excited when the idea to eliminate future danger was brought forward, I felt that we could successfully win a war even before it is started with some collateral damages. I pondered over the thought that if I had met Hitler when he was in his youth, a failed and dejected art student it would be easier to put an end to him and save the lives of many. I had gone through the list vaguely, there were some leaders who were rising like Naseer of Egypt and some more violent ones that were just children playing in their house. The plan was the put the Valkyrie on stead mode in the Artic and initiate the process so the missiles would not miss the aim, obviously it would lead to an entire block blowing up but that was the lest damage that could be caused as I said collateral damages. The day of the mission however started with me on a agitated note, I had already been free from the struggle yet something in me could not be completely at peace. I had a feeling that had been suppressed a long time ago, I felt as though a bus was been driven away right in front of me and I ran yet failed to board it, I panted and my legs tore themselves apart yet the bus drove away to sunset leaving me on the deserted road all alone in between gravel and dust. As I prepared for the mission, I felt everything wrong, I felt anxious and I could not keep still, I bide my goodbyes promising to come back only once we succeeded and then boarded the Valkyrie with Zola. On our way to the Artic I inquired about the origin of the name of this Hydra vessel to which he informed that Schmidt was obsessed with tales of Norwegian God, Odin and in his court, there were an elite force of women warrior known as the Valkyrie. I instantly thought that had Jocelyn been born in a different era on a different planet and had this mythological creature been real then she would be a Valkyrie. I quickly pushed the thought away because now everything had changed, I did not need to think about her anymore, she can be whatever she wants or chooses to.

  
The flight seemed endless as I decided to walk around the enormous vessel, it was mostly technology that I did not understood, obviously if Howard had been here then he would tear it apart and put it all together for his amusement or like he would say advancement of science. I stared at my shield for a moment which had been my loyal companion for so many fights yet I never acknowledged the help, it was a gift for Howard and maybe that is why my ego did not allow me to see this through, I had a feeling of regret and guilt crawl up under my skin. At first I did not know why this situation was chosen for me to slowly and gradually realize that I had wronged many but gradually I understood the importance of it when I absentmindedly tinkered around a lever and a display of map with a red market on it appeared on the screen. I read it quickly before Zola used the controls and put it down, he started to ramble about something probably to distract me when the rage started oozing through my skin and I turned to him holding him by his neck and strangling him high up in the air as I screamed,

  
“The list, it contains Howard and Jocelyn too, you were planning to blow up my wife and you thought that I would never know of it?”

  
He struggled for breath as my grip around his neck got tighter, but soon I heard a little voice counting down the number from a twenty and I released him immediately, he fell on the ground as he panted and nursed his neck. After a few moments he finally looked at me and spat out the words,

  
“They are a danger to the society, I worked for Schmidt and I knew from the very start that man ambition will drive the world into chaos but then you came along and saved it, we will not always have another chance. There always be another Schmidt but there will not always be another Captain America to save. Jocelyn has been planning to fabricate the elements of time and if she succeeds then there will not be this Captain America also”

  
I did not understand a word of what he said, just enough to know that he saw my wife as a danger and was determined to put an end to her. I could not let that happen, I paced around unable to understand as to how rectify this mistake as the ticking of the clock which had reached ten minutes drove me completely insane. I gave him one last look and in a pathetic hopeless manner I asked,

  
“Stop this and I will stop them”

  
“I cannot the instruction have already been given and the only way to stop this is to crash the hellicarrier in the artic so that the missiles are fired in the huge block of ice, no harm done no lives lost except for one of course and it won’t be mine. Either way I must stop Jocelyn from erasing your presence Captain either by killing her or by killing her purpose. If I must choose between all the names on the list and hers then it will always be her, because she is center of everything that can happen to you”

  
I rushed by his side to grab him but within few seconds he suddenly opened a door and his body flew out of the hellicarrier, I realized a parashot had been missing. I committed the last mistake of my life, I let him get away but the clock had reached five minutes and I knew that this was actually the time to be the hero I was destined to be. I did not understand Zola but what I did know was that I had to save my wife because I love her and if between the two of us someone deserves to live then it must be her. She had never done anything wrong yet all I have ever done was to hurt her, I let myself be completely possessed by power and betrayed the people who always loved me even when I was nothing. I took control steadily as I let the helicarrier down the ice and then radio dialed to Peggy praying to God one last time and it finally got connected, I said to her,

  
“Peggy I do not have much time but just know that Dr. Zola has betrayed us all, this is an end to my story but I could not go without thanking you. I love you for the friend that you had been, you were truly always there for me. Peg as I friend, I need you to be my messenger for one last time and deliver this to my dear Jocelyn, please tell her how sorry I am and even in my last few moments it is only she that I think off. Tell her I am sorry for Bucky, I did not protect him, I am sorry Henry and I am sorry for everything. I am extremely ashamed of the way I treated her, I love her and still the person I hurt the most was her. Tell her she does not need to forgive me for what I did to her was unforgiven but tell her I loved her till my dying breathe. You would tell her all of these Peggy won’t you?”

  
“Yes, I will come for you and we will save you” she managed to say in between her sobs as the connection was completely lost and I felt myself descending towards the hell with this enormous vessel. I prayed not for my life but for Jocelyn and her family, for Howard and his wife and for everyone who had showed me that I was special because of the people who loved me unconditionally. I prayed that Jocelyn and Henry reunite, I prayed for the well health of my son and my immortality to be a parting gift to him, for him to have a long life. I prayed for Howard to raise a beautiful family of his own and truly be successful without being sidetracked by bullies like me. My hell must have been personally designed to be cold and whitewashed, something so perfect that it would irk an artist to paint it, a explosion in here where nothing had happened in a thousand year and nothing would happen in another thousand year too. My arrival and departure from this life is insignificant, I always wished that my death would come much earlier in my life so I was peaceful letting the vessel hit the ice surface and then the missiles go underground shaking the very foundation of this place and burying me under heaps of ice. The hellicarrier shook violently, I felt myself struck in between several earthquake, I left my grip on the handle and clutched to my shield resting my head on it. I closed my eyes as felt the carrier hit the cold frozen surface where my seat was completely uprooted from its place and jumped up. My body tore from the seat belt as it was tossed at a corner mercilessly, the glass was broken, and the snow entered throw covering each corner of it. Everything was breaking and going instantly cold, the sound was ear defining, I was screaming yet my voice did not even reach my own ear. Suddenly everything felt completely quite as though this had always been there, a vessel covered in snow, a curse of the winter land, my body had not regained strength to stand up so instead I pushed some metal rumble away from a platform and laid down on the platform with the shield on my chest. I closed my eyes as I heard the last tick of the clock and went ahead numerous missile into the deep broken sea, the vessel fell more thousand feet below, snow had entered the vessel completely I could not feel my body everything was covered with snow. I could not open my eyes and I knew my breathe was limited, I knew my time was limited. I had cried but I did not know if my tears had fallen as I could no longer open my eyes. I saw in my limited breathe my mother, she held me in her arms as she read me the story of a gallant knight, I felt Bucky cuddle against me as he eagerly heard on and my dear little Jocelyn already asleep on my mother’s lap. That was not a hallucination, it was an memory, of the day I decided to call her my dear little doll, I was feeling asleep as my mother spoke but I wanted to stay awake not to stay alive but to be trapped in this memory forever. If I had to die, I did not want to be a lingering soul instead I wanted to be tucked away in a happy memory as such. I kept pinching myself and screamed for myself to stay awake, no one reacted to my tantrum. It was like I was right there, yet no one noticed me, I was exhausted I knew I needed to sleep so I finally gave in.

  
I held Bucky’s hand and kissed my mother’s cheek; I gave one last look at Jocelyn and then closed my eyes. I slept wishing to be tucked in this beautiful memory of us forever and ever, just like the ending of the gallant life and they lived happily ever after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Twenty: Steve comes across shocking information about Jocelyn's life after his missing. He tries to build his relationship with his son.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve learns the truth about Peggy. It is also revealed that Jocelyn was trying to make a time machine but died before she could be successful. There is also a danger lingering on the planet and the Avengers are tying to live their life one day at a time before everything they love is taken away from them forever. Everyone excepts Steve who finds himself lonely in this world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic

Chapter 20

2015

London

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

  
There was a man who was very popular, he always threw grand parties and was friends with everyone but the day he died he found no one to morn at his grave because none of the company he kept was true. I feel that I have actually been born again because while I was frozen for seventy years my very own friend betrayed me and hurt the people I loved, I indeed had given too much power to her whereas in reality I should never have let a women like her even near me.

  
After the news of my aircraft crashing into the artic she had spread the rumors that I was in love with her but was struck in a loveless marriage, that my wife had numerous illicit affairs one being with Howard. I knew those doubts arose from me, but I told her everything in complete confidentiality, the only mistake I committed were when I wrote her letters about it. She waved those as evidence to the world and created a story where she came out as a victim, she even told the media that my last few words were declaration of love to her and that I would return as promised to have one last dance with her. She took a superior position in my life sidelining my rightful heir my wife, she took possession of all my earning that I had made since the day I became Captain America, my wife battled only for the paintings that pre-serum Steven Grant Rogers had made and our humble apartment. My dear doll had to pay a heavy price for it too and Peggy also bought her silence in return, my wife stepped aside while a nobody basked in the glory of a lost hero. The government treated her like a hero, she was the founding member of S.H.I.E.L.D and within a year she married a young aristocrat, it seemed life just found ways of rewarding her for her deceive. That lasted for another decade with the change of government and the increasing popularity of Stark industry Howard had found himself in a powerful position, he started by making a deal with Obadiah Stane buying most of his shares making him a minority share holder in the Stark Industries. The new government was in favor of Howard and so he changed all the narratives that earlier Peggy fed to the people keeping Jocelyn out of the picture at her request I believed. He forced Peggy into an earlier retirement and became the head of S.H.I.E.L.D with Jocelyn working as a head of research department, but everything hidden from the common eye. My little doll never wanted appraisal but just wanted to help people, so she devoted all her life by caring for our son from afar, being a godmother to Tony and searching a way to change the fabric of time. She was a woman who should be the pioneer of the women society but instead she hide herself and worked in silence, she told her truth only to her son in letters but never to boast only to share. The one thing that Jocelyn became was paranoid, that was my gift to her, as I read her letters repeatedly, she spoke how each day she grew more and more scared that everything would fail. I understood her fears emerged from the place that she was held captive for months, the institute that tortured her and many more for another decade but was brutally ended by a secretive operation of the government. The doctors and nurses vanished overnight, and the existing patients given different identities overnight, it started the way it ended with a whisper, this piece of information I found from S.H.I.E.L.D database with the help from Tony. He was curious but never questioned, he did the same with his godmother choosing to love her and never getting his curiosity worse of him. He was a little heart broken when he learned that Jocelyn in fact died in New York and her visits to Italy was just a façade to Tony and others in attempt to go out of the grid to carry her research. The expression of disappointment lasted for a moment replaced with a wave of shock and then he excused himself for the afternoon, he took the entire end of the week to compose himself but when I met him again the following Sunday for lunch everything seemed normal. He was a great help as he helped me decode her research and seemed like whatever work Jocelyn had done greatly impressed this genius because at one point he bounced up and down screaming that my wife would have found the way to navigate time but with the research that she had progressed and left before dying it was incomplete. It could bring dangerous result including the time passing through her being the remote possibility and the actual most common result a blast destroying her lap and taking away her life.

  
I was pleased at least she died doing something that she loved for many months the thought that why would she waste her entire life in making a time machine, wasn’t that a pipe dream according to Tony at least and he had the biggest brain in the planet. The motive became clear to me one night when I woke from a recurring nightmare where I had suddenly turned into pre-serum myself, that could be the only explanation. I did not expect her to forgive her, I knew she would seek vengeance, and this would be the way for her to attain justice for everything I did to her, by stripping me away from my powers. I sat that night staring at the ceiling wondering if I ever had to take the call would my answer be any different from the one that I had in the past and in the end by dawn I realized I am still indecisive. It occurred to me late, but I understood that it would do no one good chasing the shadows of the past so instead I tried to make most of my time, I wanted to spend whatsoever time I had left with my son. Those times were the happiest I felt in a long time as we exchanged stories, I loved sitting with him on the poach as he told of all the wonderful memories he had of Jocelyn. She was a mother to him, and she even named the particle she created for travelling in time after him, Pym Particles that were an absolute after the blast. Henry as I like to call him was gratefully turned nothing like me but more like her, he chooses science as his career but kept his family as his purpose of life. He was funny and jovial, he adored and respected Jocelyn, he learned so much of Bucky from her letter that he made him his hero, my son loved my best friend. If things turned differently in the past maybe we both would have been in the picture, but my ego and pride got in the way, I trusted strangers and betrayed my own. Henry is also a good painter and he claims his earliest inspiration came from the painting that were mine and gifted to him by Jocelyn. I understand she wanted the pure and untouched part of mine to be with her son now that I think of it I would have wanted the same. I want to spend my every living moment with my son trying to make up for the past time, teach him and learn from him, everything that I promised I would do with my son because my father was missing from my childhood. But he was no child, he was a grown man who had lived his life fought his own battles and met a perfect life partner, he had a beautiful and fulfilling family. I was no where needed and I was not a fit, I could no longer force myself into his life and so gradually the visits became irregular to only visiting him on special occasion.

  
I have permanently made New York city as my habitant, so every day when I walk out on the footpaths vanishing in the crowd of people, I realized that I am lonely and while everyone is moving, I am still standing still. I have no purpose, I am just a man living his life and waiting for death to take him, I moved among the living like a ghost. Nothing interested me and the only single thing that I looked forward to being were lunch with Tony, his family accompanied most of the time and sometimes it almost felt home with them. I also though with no fault of my own hoped for Anastasia to join us, a wish that was fulfilled as she shifted to New York by the end of fall for helping her father with his business and to plan the wedding. I just found myself at peace observing her as she spoke, and her hands gestured while her eyes spoke as there was a discussion about something with her father. She always looked more casual and with her guards down in between her family, I found myself more intrigued by her, but I knew she was not my Jocelyn there was no possible way. She was just a girl wearing her father’s shoes and mimicking the adult life but in that too she looked so sincere and beautiful, with every passing moment with her I found myself struggling for breath and losing my mind. It did not help when she unabashedly flirted with me when we found each other alone, during the first instance I was completely shook but by now I am accustomed by it and pass it with a smile. The time when I actually loose it and my cheek grows red with my lips sealed is when she mentions the Halloween party where we kissed, I still have not accepted to it nor will I ever deny it. She flirts but that is all she does, it is a harmless game for her as I know her heart belongs to Loki. They have time and again proved that they complete each other broken and scattered puzzle, though she never says it but I can see that she is clearly in love with him. She lives for him as though everything around her depend on him and I knew that if it ever came then that manipulative scheming and opportunities God of Mischief would give his life for her. They love each other and I fit nowhere but then again it is not my picture, my only attraction towards her is because only her face resembles that of my death wife, other than that she has nothing to offer. She is just a lingering memory of my wife and if I fight for her proclaiming my love for her then it would be cheating her, I have mended my ways. I know that I loved Jocelyn and for a long time I confused love with possession, by letting go off Anastasia I am doing better. Moreover, though Stephan seems like a balanced man I am pretty sure that he will rain hell if he knew about my initial feelings for his daughter. That is another reason I am scared for this unusual pair because any day now Tony and Stephan would understand that Loki and Anastasia share more than friendship. They would not be pleased to know it but I think if they saw through their determination and passion they would be convinced too. Tony had noticed my growing comfort with Anastasia and gave me a task to be closer to her so that I could inform him of her love life. He feels that his daughter like him is antisocial and does not have any normal friends or any friends at all so her bonding and trust in me could put some ease in his mind. I politely declined the request because I was already at an advantage knowing the position of her love life moreover spending more than necessary time would her be like a slow poison to me. I did not need that kind of complication in my life because though I am controlled now but I cannot say for future, my emotion can get the worse of me and a situation like that is unnecessary. I have seen the pair and I believe in them; they are true to each other and if I think of Anastasia as an individual, I feel she will be fine.

  
She is Tony’s daughter and like her father she too is hard to love but once you see through her she is the softest and kindest. During one of those lunch Harley and Peter had briefed me on their parents love story because they felt it was necessary as a best man I should be acquitted with the story. The story of a mechanic in love with a doctor, Stephen was responsible for Tony after his trip to Afghanistan, they could not stand being in the same room in the beginning because Stephan hated the arrogance Tony always carried with him disrespecting him and inching to be away from medical care. The whole ice they had was melted by a little Anastasia who convinced that her father was just scared and projected his fear by the arrogance, Stephan started to understand his patience better and Tony began to be listening to his doctor. The mandate medical check up turned into casual dates and soon enough they became a family, they realized that they both were not very different from each other. They have been together since and now within few months they are to be legally and socially wed, I had not been there to see their journey, but I am happy to be here now. There love is the rainbow is the dark sky that my life has become now, when I look at them it is difficult to believe that the couple so in love was ever hateful to each other. Stephan is the balance that Tony needed in his chaotic life and they have balanced each other perfectly, they created their family and nurtured them with love and patience. Each member had their own share of struggle and heartache but together they make a mind-blowing picture and I am just grateful that they have made me a part of it. Earlier I believed that every soul that is lost is gone forever but it is only now that I realized that even the most broken and crushed one can find its way back into light with a little help. Sam had admitted to me that Loki had been the best and worse thing to happen to his life and though somewhere he is still angry at not being the one whom Loki choose he understands that it is nobody’s fault. It is dumb luck, it has always been and when he realized he can never be with Loki he was left with a gaping hole in his heart and was convinced that he would never be full but all that changed when he took a broken man under his guidance. They all call him White Wolf in Wakanda, but Sam has preferred to call him by his given name, James. A name and an assumption of him serving in the military is all that is known to everyone, but Sam seems happier, he has find his appetite for love and if I assume then I can proudly say that he is falling in love with James. I know everything will unfold in the right time as for now I am just happy that my teammates are all happy and at peace. I want them to be happy even though we all know our time is limited and any time our planet can be attacked only this time no life will be spared. Thor delivers such news often that planets all around the universe is suffering, their population slaughtered by half by an unknown army, the six infinity stones that was created with the universe itself is distributed in unknown areas. Most of the speculated planets have been attacked already and if rumors are to be believed true then the one has already found two powerful stone their nature and location is still unknown. Thor and Hela have already started to secure the location of the Tesseract and the protection levels are higher, there is an air of fear among the Asgardians. There is also another group of aliens consisting of their leader who is half human and I know this will come as weird but half planet, Peter Quill keeping up with the army trying to defend the planets their source of such confidential information is still questionable.

  
Here in earth there is nothing much superheroes can do but it is a time for spies as according to myth there is an infinity stone here in earth too, Sharon is heading the search and I am hopeful we will soon find its location and secure it completely. I believe in Tony’s philosophy that the damages during the New York attack could be prevented if the next time that the aliens came, they could not get past the bouncer. It is one of those situation when we know danger is imminent but there is nothing that can be done to prevent it so the best course of action is to live your life because any moment everything you love can forever be taken away from you. I can see that all my teammates doing the same and though I try to convince myself the same I am failing to do so, it seems like I have fallen on a mundane life and everything that excites me is missing. It is terrifying but it is also an honest confession that I crave war because when the war ends everyone has a home to return but me. I know war, I understand war, I thrive at a battlefield but apart from that my identity is lost somewhere in the glamour and lies of Captain America. The question lingers on my mind, who am I? I am not a husband or a father, for everyone it has been decades since my past life ended but for me it is still so fresh, I cannot love anyone other than Jocelyn.

  
She is the question and answer to all my problems and losing her entirely now has left with a huge space that I do not know how to fill. Somedays I wish to wake up and find myself smelling the lovely potato soup she cooks and as I tiptoe in the kitchen to see her looking at me affectionately. I would walk up to her and plant a kiss on her cheek as her brother would make a mimicking sound from the couch while she sticks her tongue out to him.  
I know those days are forever gone and though completely lonely I must continue living this dreadful life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Twenty One- Something horrible happens to Stephen and Tony. Steve stumbles on shocking information about Loki and Anastasia's relationship.


	21. Twenty One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding is cancelled and Stephan goes missing. Peter befriends Wade and goes down the wrong way. Tony is a mess and Anastasia is holding her family together with help from Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All the above mentioned characters except for the Original Female Character are a product of Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic.  
> The title of the story, Name of the Game is a song title by ABBA.  
> Most of the events and reference are borrowed from Marvel Cinematic Universe and Marvel Comic

Chapter 21

May 6th, 2016

New York Hospital

Narrator: Steven Grant Rogers

  
It is a popular belief that tragedy strikes you at your highest but I in my hundred year of life found it to be false, we want to make ourselves believe that the rug was pulled under suddenly when we know that we did see those dark fingers lingering by. In our head we are anxious and continuously conscious of everything falling apart, the truth of our lives are that we indeed know that we will die, the things we love will be forever parted away from us and the purpose of breathing will be lost while we can do absolutely nothing but wait maybe that is why we are always a little sad all the time. Another thing I noticed that when it comes to milestone of lives some thing will go wrong and no matter how we train our mind we can never reach to the reality of the conclusion, something that even my genius friend had learned in the hard way.

  
The past year was rosses and butterflies for Tony and Stephen, they had a wedding to be planned which was schedule to take place the day after, the beautiful couple was to be seated along with their family and beloved having dinner tonight but you can give life a routine and it will laugh straight at your face. Tony was a wreck and not of the normal kind that a bachelor is before his marriage day, the kind that receives a call late in the evening informing that his fiancé had met with an unfaithful crash and his life is hanging by a thin thread. They both are surrounded by their families and beloved here too, but their future does not look so certain anymore, the doctors are just rushing in and out of the ICU without a moment to spare, while each time they pass by Tony looks up at them hopefully. Peter is pacing up and down the already busy hallway mumbling words to himself, while Harley is nursing his wounded that he injured in a fight with the wending machine before an hour. I had pleaded with them to return to the tower to find some rest as they all have already been here for more than three hour but none of them moved, I wanted to pursue them more but a pleading look from Anastasia made me listen to her request as I seated myself beside an already tensed Tony. He has not spoken a word since he arrived at the hospital, he did not pick fights with the doctor when he received no information, he did not scream his brand value demanding to be by his fiancé ‘s side none of the usual Tony Stark instead he sat there looking at the closed door hopefully. Anastasia was the one to inform me and the rest of us as we all noticed her father’s changing expression while he received the phone call, she whispered it so softly that she herself wished the truth of the news would vanish in thin air. I and Clint instantly volunteered to accompany the family to the hospital, while some departed for there home once we promised them of any latest development and some choose to stay there holding the fort down. Loki’s arrival was awaited as the news would be reached to him any moment now and with, he would make it here from halfway across the world in a few minutes. If it had been any other day, I would judge him for being so reckless with his power but tonight I understood that Anastasia needed him, for support. That is the thing when something so terrible happens, we all need our support without which we are bound to crash. I would never have understood that the anger Harley had was because he was scared for his father, but Clint did and hence did not stop the teenager from giving a few blows to the old vending machine that refused to give him his share. I think Harley might have projected the machine to be his life, where he did everything right yet the two people, he loved the most is being hurt and there is nothing he can do about it. That is the worst feeling in the world because I know all about it, I too wanted to help but there is nothing more that I can do right now except to sit beside Tony quietly and wait patiently. Time did not seem to move at all yet before we knew it the dawn had arrived, with it a few moment of good news when one of the head surgeon delivered the news that Stephan was alive, they secured his life but his purpose was lost and crushed. His hands were so severely injured that the very bone structure had turned into dust, her voice was firm and robotic yet each word that was let out of her mouth brew a storm in the hallway. She concluded her report by saying it would take more than a day for Stephan to gain consciousness only after which he could be visited, and she left the scene completely letting everyone enjoy their little moment of peace. I saw a smile in Tony’s face as he looked at his children and they all embraced him, while with tears in his eyes he announced with a little joy,

  
“We did it troop, we have him alive, he will be fine”

  
They all nodded in agreement as we all smiled in encouragement, the process after that was pretty smooth and light, he had advised us all to go home and return in the next shift, we tried to pursue him to leave as well but he was adamant that he would leave only once he see his fiancé. We all obliged and left him peacefully, we returned to the tower informing them that his life was saved completely unblissful of the new storm brewing in this beautiful family ‘s life. The rest of the team departed from their home slowly while I and Sam were the last to leave our departure was triggered by the arrival of the Norse God, Loki. He was not dressed up like he usually does instead he was just in a casual pair of jeans and a green T-shirt of some band with some portion of his hair tied in a bun and the rest left bouncing on his shoulder. As predicted, he transported himself the moment the news reached to him, he would die before walking out in public in such an unkept manner, but his priorities were different today, it was Anastasia. She saw him and embraced him like her very balance was depending on him as he wrapped his snake like arms around her, he whispered something into her ears as she looked at him and nodded while resting her head on his shoulders. Sam turned his face away trying to concentrate on anything else because though he would not admit yet to see someone he loved so close yet untouchable always hurt his soul, it was the same for me just that I never loved Anastasia, just a girl who had her face from decades away. We excused ourselves as I bided goodbye to Sam and made my way to my apartment, I unlocked the door and entered it, I was not physically tired but mentally I was exhausted and so I decided to get some sleep. As I entered my bedroom, I was greeted by my navy-blue tuxedo that was perfectly stitched and designed for today, to be worn at the wedding. I felt awful and shoved the cloth inside the closet away from me, I could not even imagine how dreadful it would be for Tony, but I was sure the hope of having Stephen alive kept him going. I had thought at that very moment that everything else would slowly fall into pieces and they would find themselves like they always do, everyone thought so but we were all fooled and terribly mistaken.

  
Everything simply grew worse from there, Stephen was realized from the hospital a month later but he was never the same, he had a couple more operation in the next three months all with new innovative technique for him to regain his hands but even the most advanced and complicated one left him with just trembling hands not to mention his saving blown up in puff. At first, he seemed just distant and lost, his hospital had offered him the position of a consulting doctor but he refused and instead stayed all day home researching. He never showed up in public anymore, even during Sunday lunches he was hardly around, he started to look less of himself with his hair and beard both outgrown and unkept. He started to become disoriented, in the last few months he just refused to come out of his room, his children and Tony were worried, they tried every possible way to get the man he was before he entered this dark shell. Tony had been either at the other side of the closed door waiting for Stephan to open it or in his workshop pooling all his knowledge into creating something that would help his fiancé, both proved to be futile. Although in the last week of August he kept himself awfully busy visiting streets in New York he never visited before and searching for answer that no one asked, everyone thought he might be improving but as the month ended, he was gone, left his family, his house everything. Tony woke up and found the door wide open with everything that belonged to Stephan still in its place but the person missing, he searched all the common grounds at first but found nothing at all. Then he informed the police while he employed all his bots into searching the internet clean but something people when extremely desperate can disappear without a trace just the way Stephan did, his credit card linked them to a common identity thieve in Las Vegas and according to the CCTVs he was seen in the airport buying himself a ticket to India. But no clue from there, he and Anastasia had both taken a trip to India but had to come back empty handed, but every day he spends hours and hours searching for Stephen while the burden of Stark Industry and the family fell on his daughter. Her anonymity was lost as she wore herself down trying to keep the ship afloat, Harley helped her too, but it was worse for Peter as in a weird twisted way he blamed himself for every bad that befell on the family. He started to spend more of his time with a kid named Wade from the wrong side of the town, he was being indulged into troubling scene where he was involved due to the pressure from Wade. I saved him several time warning him, but he always fell into the pattern, he was growing more into the role of vigilant and less of a protector. I was scared for him and honestly I was scared for all of them so I made my visit more often, Anastasia was more than thankful at my presence as she balanced herself and her family, Loki was her rock throughout, he was there as much as he could be, he was juggling too between being there for her and protecting his people with preparing for an imminent threat to the world. It was one of those days when everything around me was falling apart and there was absolutely nothing that I could do for helping them. I knew Tony that soon he would loose himself completely, he was extremely angry and suppressing it down would be of no help at all, he would end up projecting it on someone else, I just prayed that it would be me because I could still take it.

  
But when are my wishes ever granted and so a week before Christmas after I dinned with him in the tower as I watched him eat I understood clearly that it was his full meal in an entire day that was the reason my visits almost became regular because Tony Stark was literally starving himself to death, the only other present person he would listen to was working twenty hour a day just to let her father’s legacy stand strong with her position and gender questioned almost daily by grey haired men in the business. Everything took a toll on her too it was visible, it seemed that she had lived a lifetime already as she fiddled with her food with we ate in silence, Harley tried to fill the silence with his events from school but soon retired as he understood it would be of no help and Peter’s arrival was still being waited for. After dinner as Tony returned to his workshop and Harley walked to his room quietly I and Anastasia stayed back to do the dishes like most days losing ourselves in the silence and very unexpectedly she finally spoke,

  
“I am worried for Peter, Captain. I know he has been out looking for trouble and he is not listening to anyone. He feels that it was because of him that everything went downhill, he is just a kid Cap and I really don’t want him to do anything that he would regret.”

  
I nodded my head as I glanced at her, she looked torn and lost, just like the very last time Jocelyn looked like, they might not be the same but every curve and expression of there face resemble, if her identity was not so clear to me I might have lost all control and kissed her right at that moment. But I knew she was not my wife, instead she was the daughter of my friend who was desperately asking me for help and there is no way I would reject her. So, I nodded my head giving her my assurance, the silence was replaced by her voice as she continued,

  
“It is just so unfair on daddy; he has always been there for everyone and he has always helped people, but he refuses to take any help even from me. I cannot watch him like this anymore, he will kill himself and he keeps searching for Dad everyday but honestly, I am just so scared that what if his search ends one day but because there is no way Dad can be found anymore. Dad told us all that he no longer wanted to live a life where he could not do what he loved, he felt incomplete and he felt angry and sad all the time. I just wished he would give our family another chance, we would figure something out, I would figure something out because that is what we always do.”

  
She could not continue it anymore as her words were replaced with sobs as she turned her face hiding her tears away, my ears could not handle her crying something in me broke, I kept my hands on her shoulder and turned her towards me. I wrapped my arms around her, hugged her as she rested her head on my chest, her tears leaving a wet spot in my shirt and I ran my fingers through her hair and whispered,

  
“It will be alright; I cannot say how or when but trust me everything will be alright”

  
It was just mere words but it seemed to pacify her as her sobs got softer and she finally looked up at me and nodded, I pushed a small smile and wiped the tear off from the corner of her eyes but my finger did not escape her face. Our eyes were hooked on each other, as my fingers slowly drew lines on her cheek tracing down to her jaws and finally settling on her lips, her soft puffed red lips. I felt myself caught in a spell as I pushed my face closer to her and she did the same, soon we could feel each other breathing as our lips were inches apart praying desperately to be met. I finally closed my eyes as my lips were ready to taste any moment now as every single piece of my body shivered with excitement and the distance between us started to disappear. I felt her lips on mine but before I could react I heard a cough, which did not escape from mine or her throat, like an instant stimulus I opened my eyes and turned towards the voice as she did the same just stepping few steps away giving space to the distance between us. It had to be one person or rather God, Loki, he stood there casually with his eyes piercing into mine for some moment before turning to Anastasia. He walked towards her and then stopped turning towards me and saying that he was here, he would take care of it. I looked at him a little confused as he gestured towards the pile of dirty plates and I knew it was just not plates that he was talking about either way she was his and it was extremely wrong of me to meddle in their relationship. I had lived and loved, I wished my goodbyes and excused myself politely, I was almost on my way to the elevator when suddenly I realized that I was missing my phone and returned to the kitchen area. I was completely shocked of the surrounding that I was greeted with, Anastasia was motionless with her eyes on Loki while his fingers danced around the corner of her head as he mumbled some foreign words.

  
There were spark of green around his fingertips as her eyes looked soulless and after a few moments she collapsed in his arms. I was speechless as I quietly tiptoed out of the scene and into the elevator. The entire way down to the building, into the garage, on my way home and as I settled myself on the bed only one question hung above my head. Was Loki using magic for Anastasia to love him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Twenty Two: Steve meets with Bucky.

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not copy my work to any other site without prior permission from me.


End file.
